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Which is Sexier … Bunge Cords or Ice Fishing – Starting Over, 10/20/04

by LauraBelle

Everyone has different opinions on what is sexy, whether it be body types, clothing, actions, etc. Peppered through the show today are clips of men describing what they consider sexy. Asked what the sexiest thing they have ever done is, one man says, “played hookey from work to write my girlfriend a fourteen-page love letter,” another says “buy my wife a stock portfolio”, and still another says kissing his woman in the airport, with one of his reasons being he knew he was going to get some. Asked what average everyday things are sex, a few different men mention strawberries, and another mentions bunge cords. Asked about a sexy outfit, one may says a white t-shirt, and the airport kisser says a farmgirl outfit. Asked about a sexiest body type, one says round an soft, another man says athletic, and one lucky man says a pear shape. I say lucky because I think half the women in America will now be looking for this man. Asked what is sexy and what is sexier, one man says passion is sexy, and compassion is sexier, and the airport kisser says ice skating is sexy, and ice fishing is sexier. Finally asked what personality traits are sexy, confidence and sensitivity are mentioned and the airport kisser says being quirky is sexy. Really? Never would have figured a guy that thinks ice fishing is sexy could like quirkiness as well.

We are allowed to see Rhonda, Iyanla and Dr. Stan having a conference about today’s show. Dr. Stan believes all the women in the house have issues with sex, especially Josie and Sommer. Iyanla feels they confuse sexuality and sensuality. They are working against the attitude that “good girls don’t have sex.” Heaped on top of that feeling is that talking about sex always makes people uncomfortable. Dr. Stan says his idea for today’s show is to have the women go on a scavenger hunt for what they find to be a sexy item, and they will have to bring it to a group session with him later.

Towanda is saying good-bye to André at the airport (I wonder if they’ll see the airport kisser there looking for a quirky woman to ice fish with). She wanted to tell him not to go, yet she knows she has to through this alone. He is the type of person to need to see it, and she feels he now understands her need to be in the Starting Over house more. While Towanda is still out, Kim places the letter André had written and two bags of Skittles on Towanda’s bed. Kim says André needs to express his love.

A hot man in a tux enters the expected group meeting and hands them a special message from my. The women are to meet at Target for a steamy assignment. Josie is glad because she can now buy diapers. Meeting Amy at Target, the women are split into two teams, and find they are are to find unexpectedly sexy things under fifty dollars. The team that finds the ten most unusual sexiest items in fifteen minutes wins the items from both teams. The team of Josie/Kim/Jennifer finds chocolate, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, squeezable peanut butter, shampoo, lipstick, candles, Twister, a blindfold and a camera. The other team of Sommer/Towanda/Sinae finds whipped cream, tights, chocolate, baby oil, and Twister. Amy pronounces Josie/Kim/Jennifer the winners based on having the ingenuity to think of the camera.

After their shopping trip they bring their items to group with Dr. Stan. Jennifer isn’t happy, as she says it’s like talking about sex with your dad. Looking through the items, Dr. Stan asks about the shaving kit. Kim says she thinks having her husband shave her legs is very sexy. Looking further, Dr. Stan finds a greeting card, and Kim says that’s for an unexpected love letter. She keeps the secret that Towanda still has André’s letter upstairs for her. Digging deeper, Dr. Stan pulls out a blindfold, and asks if it is scary. Sommer says it is because you would have to trust to use it. Asking the women if they would use all these items they found, the majority of the women say mostly everything, but are hesitant on the peanut butter and blindfold. Dr. Stan points out that the thing about all these items is they they bring up anxiety, and we need our anxiety up to be aroused. That’s why new partners is exciting. He ends group by telling the women that there is a basket downstairs with questions about sex, and he would like them to share their ideas about them through the day.

Iyanla and Kim are meeting for a private chat. Iyanla identifies that the three broken relationships that Kim wants to mend are all familial – her sister, stepmom, and stepdaughters. Asked what she would need to do to forgive her sister, Kim says first she needs to forgive herself. Iyanla tells her there needs to be communication for there to be forgiveness. From her stepmom and stepdaughters, Kim is only seeking acceptance. Iyanla points out that it has been forty years since Kim’s parents’ divorce, and she still hasn’t forgiven them. Iyanla then shows Kim a “Mission Board” she made for her relationship with her own daughter. When she would struggle to understand her daughter, she would consult the board to remember what she was seeking from the relationship. She wants Kim to do three separate Mission Boards for her sister, stepmom and stepdaughters.

Sommer meets Rhonda at Sarah’s Lingerie Shop. Rhonda is hoping getting better fitting lingerie will improve Sommer’s image of herself. She is introduced to Sarah, who is a professional bra fitter. Sommer still doesn’t want to look at herself in the mirror, despite learning that with her eighty-one pound weight loss, she has gone from a 42DD to a 36D. Sommer tells the fitter it feels tight, but she is used to everything being too big on her now.

While she is still out bra-shopping, the others meet in the kitchen for lunch, and to discuss the sex questions in the basket. Josie leaves to go eat alone by the pool, as she doesn’t want a confrontation. Jennifer says, “Josie brings the group down,” and adds that she has been crabby all day. Kim decides they need to confront her. Perhaps this is why Kim is in the house to mend relationships. Everything to her needs a confrontation.

Kim moves on to show Iyanla the work she did on her Mission Boards. Iyanla sees that Kim practically copied everything from Iyanla’s Mission Board, then realizes instead of writing where she would like those relationships to go, she writes all the bad things she feels about them right now. Iyanla, horrified, shocked and appalled, gives her until the following day to redo them.

The new bra now purchased, Sommer and Rhonda are having a chat. Asked if she feels sexy now, Sommer said she still has a ways to go for that. She has to be able to look at herself first before she can feel sexy. Rhonda tells her that her homework is to list what parts of her on the inside she feels are sexy. Then tonight, she will be the emcee for a Starting Over house Fashion Show. It doesn’t matter what they wear, as she will be introducing everyone by their sexy traits she sees in them on the inside. When she is done with everyone else, she will then introduce herself the same way. Sommer hates this idea, and breaks down with Rhonda. On the way out of the store, she thanks Rhonda for her new bra, saying she doesn’t even think her own mom ever did that with her.

Iyanla is now meeting with Towanda and says she liked meeting André. She thought he was a nice guy and a real charmer. Towanda says that having him there was the best. Iyanla asks what she learned, and Towanda replies she learned a lot, and that she depends on his strength. Iyanla wants to know where Towanda’s strength is. Towanda says it is there, just a lot smaller than André’s. Iyanla points out that Towanda says their relationship is wonderful, but there seems to be a lot of dishonesty. Both Towanda and André withhold the truth from each other. If they both do that, it’s a dishonest relationship. I would have added in something about his immature behavior and how he only sees the physical traits in other people, but that’s not Iyanla’s style.

The group in the kitchen confronts Josie when she comes back inside after finishing her lunch. Josie says it’s not a good day for that. Jennifer argues it’s never a good day for Josie, and that when she gets pissed, she just shuts everyone else out. Josie says she just doesn’t want to be “here,” and when asked to define “here,” she reiterates, “Here. I’d like to go home.” She then goes on to tell them she feels ganged up on right now, and if they want to talk to her about it, please do so individually. Jennifer says, “I just want to understand you.” Josie says again that she feels ganged up on. They all tell her they just want to help. She says, “I just want to feed my daughter and get the [expletive] away from you.” On Starting Over they like to say a breakdown means a breakthrough. If that’s the case, Josie is headed for a doozey right now.

Iyanla is still talking to Towanda about her and André’s relationship. Iyanla asks if she’s comfortable with the dishonesty. Towanda says most of the withheld information is family stuff between the two different families. Iyanla suggests it’s elsewhere. She shows Towanda how she says he is stronger, yet believes he’ll leave her someday for another woman. She tells Towanda she wasn’t her new self with André, and that is dishonest.

Jennifer takes Josie’s suggestion and talks to her one-on-one. She tells Josie it’s not her intention to attack her, she just wants to shed a different light on it for her. Josie says she’s glad Jennifer is thinking about herself, because she knows it’s one of her goals. When Jennifer tries to rebutt this, Josie says you treat me differently than everyone else. Jennifer points out she treats Josie differently because she cares about her very much. Jennifer says Josie is getting defensive and aggressive. Josie yells, and says, “No, this is aggressive!” Jennifer says she’s just tring to understand. Josie tells her “You don’t need to understand me, because I don’t try to understand you!” Jennifer tells Josie, “You shut me out, because you don’t want me to care.” Josie sees what she’s doing, and calms down. She is repeating the pattern of pushing everyone away.

The hot guy in the tux shows up again, and Sommer informs the other women about their fashion show. The hot guy will walk each out as Sommer introduces them. She introduces Kim first, saying she is sexy because she is so uninhibited. Towanda is next up, and Sommer says she is sexy because her smile oozes sensuality. Sommer says of Sinae that she is sexy and sensual in a freakish short of way. Josie is sexy without even trying. About Jennifer, Sommer says she is sexy because her voice is so innocent and endearing. Lastly, about herself, Sommer says, “She is sexy because she’s usually smiling, and she’s open and honest.” In the end Sommer says it became easier to see herself as sexy once she found similar quantities in the other women.

Towanda finds the Skittles and love letter on her pillow. She tells Kim this is André’s very first love letter to her, and the Skittles represent the two of them at the movies – they always get Skittles. Towanda tells her she now knows she needs to bust her ass in the house, as she knows André is supporting her. I think André’s gifts just undermined all the work Iyanla did with Towanda this day. After this, it will be hard for her to see anything unhealthy about it. Kim goes to bed struggling to figure out what she is looking for out of her own relationships.

In the end, I believe all were feeling a little sexier, not necessarily on the outside, but on the inside, where it really counts, well to all except Hugh Heffner. Hopefully they will all steer clear of the airport kisser – he loves women with quirks.

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