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Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On – Survivor: Vanuatu, Episode 5

[i]by atarus[/i]

You will have to forgive me if this recap isn’t as detailed as usual. The gods of reality TV conspired against me in many ways to erase notes and keep me from viewing the episode a second time. All of the following recap is done from memory. Soooo yeah. Let’s roll.

We start off the episode with the most pointless and inane Survivor argument ever. Bubba and Chad are arguing over the prime real estate of Vanuatu. No, they weren’t arguing about who gets to sleep next to Julie. They decided that there was a “prime sleeping spot” next to the fire, and apparently Bubba is a hog. The sad thing is, Chad’s explanation of why he was mad at Bubba was the most screen time he’s had so far in the season. Oh by the way, am I the only one that thinks that Chad should have been cast during the pirate season? I mean, we would have had Blackbeard Rupert AND PegLeg Chad. Arrrrrr, what a combination that’d be, matey!

Right, so, a Vanuatu native rows up and starts talking in a random language. The Lopevi are confused, and only understand the word chief. So they all point to Sarge. Sarge is like, alright, cool! I’m going somewhere! So Sarge immediately starts taking his pants off, and the Vanuatu native goes “No, no, no! Not that kind of ritual!” He then is so scared out of his mind, he hands Sarge a necklace and a club and takes off. Sarge and the Lopevi tribe are left wondering what the heck? (By the way, they left the footage of Sarge smacking Rory with the club and then Bubba tweaking Sarge’s nose going “Nyuk nyuk nyuk.” ….That’s a Three Stooges reference, just in case you don’t know.) Over on Yasur, Scout is given the beating stick and the necklace because she’s older and wiser than the rest. And she looks like my aunt. Reason enough for me.

And then the volcano starts a-rockin’! And those Survivors know not to go a-knockin’! While Yasur is scared to death, Eliza cowering in fear and Lisa’s hands are shaking more than the ground, the men of Lopevi are grinning like a boy who just got a sniper rifle for Christmas. This is the primary difference between men and women. Massive destruction happens, women are scared, hold their hands over their mouths and go “Oh no!” Men go “Sweeeeet” and try to cause more destruction.

So now it’s the reward challenge. Scout and Lea are now in charge of making up new tribes. However, we have to decide who’s picking the tribes and who’s choosing which tribe they want to be on. So Jeff Probst tells them that they are determining this by an old customary Vanuatu ritual….Rock, Paper, Scissors. Scout is the winner and she picks the tribes. In the end, it’s her, Eliza, Ami, Leann, Lisa, Rory, and Bubba on Yasur and Lea, John K, Chris, Chad, Julie, and Twila on the other tribe. Wooooo doggie.

Now it’s reward time. The Survivors have to dive for disks. It’s a pretty standard Vanuatu challenge. Bubba sits out, and Scout and Twila go for the first disks. Scout succeeds but Twila doesn’t. And then we get intense footage of the two tribes battling back and forth. John K proves that he needs to be voted out soon by pretty much single-handedly winning the challenge for Lopevi. Chris flubs up and drops a disk near the beginning, but saves them at the end by getting a disk when Ami can’t come up with one. Lopevi gets the astonishing reward of Pringles and beer. I’m glad we’re going back to the nitty-gritty, barely-there rewards, like when Gervase got a slice of pizza and a phone call. The All-Stars were pampered with feasts and massages for every reward. Make ‘em survive again!

So Lopevi goes to a waterfall to enjoy their Pringles and beer. They have different flavors of Pringles! Oh my, I spoke too soon. Choices? Pfft, you’re giving them the easy life, Burnett. Shame. Twila starts kickin’ it with the men, saying she fits in better now, and her and Chris swap highway repair stories. (Of all the jobs to have two people on the show doing. I mean, I understand maybe two bartenders, or two mechanical bull operators….but highway repair? Jeez.) The beer gives everyone a buzz, and they are all happy and joyous.

Over on Yasur, things are looking grim for Rory and Bubba. Although the two of ‘em work it up and chat it up and chew on the sugar cane, it seems like they just aren’t fitting in. Oh, it’s because they lack estrogen. Almighty Queen Ami, Governess of all Vanuatu, decrees that the ladies must stick together. When Lisa tries to be, ya know, friendly to the new guys, Ami shoots her down. Why show them how to do stuff? We’re women, we can handle stuff and we can keep secrets! We don’t need men, we survived the first couple of days without them! Women utopia! Women utopia! (I apologize, Ami has dropped on my scale of liking….maybe next episode they choose her as a sacrifice to the volcano.)

So it’s immunity challenge time! And there’s running, untying ropes, assembling, rowing. You know, the usual challenge where people like, oh, Brady, John P, and Brook would excel. Yeah, that’s right. Because, ya know, Lea, Chris, Chad, Rory, and Travis can’t do ANYthing right, they’re flabby and not strong at all. Right, yeah. Can you sense my sarcasm? Anyway, so Travis gets his first base coach on and signals to Chris, while Chris gives him a WTF? look. And Ami sees Bubba trying to play the game, and she sighs. Men, what a waste of space that could be a woman. Scout sits out for the challenge, and we’re off!

There’s a lot of running, and Lopevi gets stuff done quicker than Yasur. Eventually it’s John K and Chad rowing vs. Ami and Bubba rowing. Both really suck butt at rowing, but John K at least has a good idea about steering and Chad paddling. As much as it’s edited to make it look like a close race, Lopevi plows through their flag at the end and wins immunity by a fair amount. The Probstmeister absolutely trashes Rory and Bubba before giving the Yasur tribe a pat on the butt to send them off to TC. Can we say biased, Mr. Host? Bi-ased. There we go!

Bubba and Rory, lost without Sarge (the leader figure) and Chris (the puppetmaster), decide that there is nothing they can do but pray and hold each other. Meanwhile Eliza and Scout both say they might want to keep the men around to help in challenges. But because Bubba and Rory are resigned to their fate, it’s just talk. Oh, and Ami calls out Bubba on his signalling.

At TC, there’s a bunch of hootnanny. Jeff Probst asks the women the obvious questions, like are you going to vote together, was it really a switch, etc. He fingers Bubba on the signalling, and Ami slips out that Bubba wasn’t supposed to be the one to go tonight, but he did the signal thing and ruined his chances. Rory’s eyes widen. Man, it’s gotta suck to be Rory at this point. Bubba and Rory turn on each other in voting (wow, that 5-person voting block lasted well past the switch, huh) but it’s Bubba that takes the walk of shame. Rory is now 4 for 4, having received a vote at every tribal council he’s been to.

In Travis’ final words, he pines for his family and hopes the Yankees will give him a job for signals. In the previews for next episode, we see Rory lay down the law and say he won’t work unless he’s paid in peanuts. And we also see Julie bare it all in nude sunbathing, and every teenage boy watching hopes Hugh Hefner is watching this episode so after Survivor’s over they can illegally download Julie’s Playboy pictures.

I’m atarus, my e-mail is atarus33@yahoo.com, and I’m out.

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