home Archive I Feel Like A Prostitute – The Surreal Life 3, Episode 6

I Feel Like A Prostitute – The Surreal Life 3, Episode 6

by LauraBelle

I am becoming increasingly more aware weekly how self-involved and narcissistic Jordan Knight is. From the moment he first walked into the Surreal Life house and decided he deserved a private bedroom and blocked everyone out of the phone room, making it his own private room, to choosing to sleep in the RV over sharing a hotel room, and complaining the following morning that he felt he was stuck with it, throughout he doesn’t seem to understand he is one of six.

Dave wakes up this morning and finds unattended eggs boiling in the kitchen. This makes him wonder how long until the mayhem. We are treated to a flashback of Flavor Flav saying Bridgette had pissed him off the previous night, and that the situation with Bridgette had really upset him. Flavor Flav then makes her some sausage, saying he just can’t stay mad at her. We are left to imagine that Flavor Flav was the one that had been boiling the eggs.

As Dave retrieves the Surreal Life Times with a headline that says, “Time To Face The Music,” we find that by midnight the six celebrity housemates are to write and produce their own single. As they all pitch in with the performing and writing of the song, Jordan is to be the sole producer, making him feel very pressured.

Charo and Bridgette are working together with Charo on her guitar, and Bridgette is asked if she can come up with any Danish lyrics. The best Bridgette can come up with is lyrics where every other word is “something.” Flavor Flav calls Momma Flav on a phone that matches his sold gold teeth. Could this be a hint of foreshadowing? Flavor Flav tells his mom about their project for the day, and tells her his wish is for the song to be a big success. He then adds he “[bleep] is hard for this” at the thought of this song becoming successful. I am sure his mom loved this visual.

Ryan is seen skating, with Jordan deducting they need to make her part in the song reflect that. After working on the lyrics for a few hours, Ryan calls the lyrics they have “crappy.” Charo tells Ryan she feels it will be best if they all add their own personal touch, her with a Latin flavor, Ryan with a rock beat, etc. Otherwise, if they all try to do the same sound, their efforts will sound like a crazy … salad? It is often hard to understand Charo, and VH-1 was displaying ads at the bottom of the screen, which covered their subtitles they often display for Charo’s words, making me unsure what she said, but I swear it looked like she said they would sound like a crazy … salad.

While Flavor Flav is doodling on the piano, and Dave on the drums, Jordan doesn’t understand anyone else’s viewpoint on this project but his own. Ryan feels the focus of the song is on the two writers – Jordan and Flavor Flav, and no one fits the style of music but the two of them. I believe this is the crazy … salad Charo was referring to. With the others doing music that doesn’t reflect their own personal style, they don’t sound cohesive, they sound like a crazy mixed up …. salad.

Jordan comes down wearing what the show editors call “$6.84 Producer Shades,” and pronounces it time to leave for the studio. Flavor Flav is busy on the phone with Antisa, his stylist, setting up a time for her to do his hair while they’re at the studio. Dave see this as a waste of time, since they only have twelves hours to get this track down and recorded. At least it will allow him to take off the viking hat.

Charo is excited, pulling into the music studio lot, Conway Studios, as it’s where she practically lives. They are met by an engineer that has worked with Foo Fighters and Blink-182, among others. He wants to go over the song with Jordan, but the assumed success is already getting to Jordan’s head, and he tells the engineer he doesn’t want to go over it. With too many people offering ideas, Jordan thinks they only need one captain … himself. Yet, Ryan is bored with her part in the song, and says she wants to make music that she wants to make, not music Jordan wants to make. Jordan can’t see that. By insisting it be done his way, he is alienating everyone else.

While Antisa is doing Flavor Flav’s hair, Bridgette tells him something that at first confuses me, uttering phrases like, “If you say, ‘Ooh, Ee, Aah, Oh,'” and “You miss the important things.” While initially not understanding, I later realize that Flavor Flav was saying these sounds, and Bridgette felt he was missing out on things since he was too wrapped up in his hair details and pain. Later, Bridgette had Antisa do her hair like Flavor Flav’s (while not in two huge tarantulas on the top of her head like Flavor Flav’s, it is in tight braids), and she realizes the pain Flavor Flav was going through, and why he was complaining with his oohs, ees, aahs and ohs. Bridgette tells him the gold teeth are fine for the music business, but feels they don’t belong in a relationship between a man and a woman. Flavor Flav says he’ll give her that if she marries him. She is flattered, and he is happy to have her back. He doesn’t see that she is only back because she hasn’t seen any other men since yesterday.

Jordan is adding a section into the song where Charo can play the guitar; he considers this to be a seasoning for his song. As she struggles with putting a Latin guitar sound to Jordan’s pop song, he tells her to make her guitar sing. When she asks what chords are in the song, Jordan says she is “classicaly trained,” and admits to not knowing any specific chords. What he fails to admit is that perhaps New Kids On The Block wasn’t the best training ground for learning the music business. Charo just thinks the whole song is a big “F” up; she doesn’t seem to have a problem admitting it like Jordan.

Charo is getting increasingly more upset, and feels the music is being vandalized because they are so disorganized. Ryan is still wishing they could just work together instead of doing it Jordan’s way, feeling they are all like puppets. Dave compares Jordan to their quarterback, and says he walked in and out wearing his shades, not taking care of the process at hand. Even the engineeer makes a potshot, saying he is sure the song will be successful somewhere, “maybe the Germans will love it.” Even Flavor Flav is beginning to get upset, saying the producer should stick with it until it’s done. Still upset, Ryan tells Bridgette she feels like she’s selling out. Bridgette gives her great advice, and tells her she just needs to “Be you.”

Jordan brings in a friend of his, the man that created Backstreet Boys, ‘NSync, and discovered Britney Spears. This just seems to further alienate everyone. He begins to feel the tension is being created by Ryan, and tells her to just take the pop edge and add a rock edge to it. She wants to know what he knows about rock, reasoning, “C’mon.! He found Britney Spears!”

Charo and Ryan continue to not like the song, with Charo saying it’s like, “R&B funky like 1999,” and Ryan thinks Jordan feels like he is back in New Kids On The Block. Ryan becomes increasingly more outraged, and eventually yells, “I’m a rock star, not a pop star! It’s like American Idol all over again!” She storms off into the unisex bathroom, and slams the door. Surreal Life adds a “To Be Continued” to the screen in a blue oval with a distinctive American Idol flair to it.

Jordan and Flavor Flav, and mostly Jordan, are so busy trying to further their own careers, they aren’t paying enough attention to making the song a success. Jordan can’t seem to find a way for it to benefit anyone other than himself. At the beginning of every show, there is a sound clip of Jordan saying, “I don’t like doing this kind of stuff. I feel like a prostitute.” He is so wrapped up in himself, he doesn’t see this as exactly what he is doing to Ryan, asking her to put her name on something just to further his career.

I welcome all comments and questions at LB53064@yahoo.com.


Freelance writer, webmaster of realityshack.com, chief editor at applemagazine.com, contribtor to TechLife News and maketecheasier.com, martial arts instructor, and mother of two.