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LCS 3 – A Fantastic Finale

by Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos

I’ve been awfully hard on this show, especially this season. I am a huge fan of comedy and have taken a few comedy writing classes. I know it’s a hard gig. However, I didn’t think that some of the comics were bringing their A-game all the time. I certainly haven’t enjoyed some people’s work and have liked other people’s style and routines better.

Comedy is subjective like many other things in life. However, comedy is HARD to perform. Stand-up is a killer. All 21 comics from both seasons – that includes Bonnie McFarlane and Jessica Kirson – do deserve big props for getting up there and reaching a level of success that many of us have only wished for or dreamt about.

So, let’s give a big round of applause to these people: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Now, on to my review.

Jay Mohr starts the show and announces that this is our final chance to vote. He gives much love to corporate sponsor Rolaids for donating the $250,000.00 prize money. It’s the least they can do. I mean the comics have probably eaten about that much in Rolaids tabs throughout these three seasons.

Season 2 won the $50,000 again. Yeah, big shocker. They took that prize each week. Jay said that’s like $200,000.00, but I thought this show lasted about 8 weeks, so either my math is off or his is. Since I am a magna cum laude (that’s latin for POMPOUS ASS) graduate of a major university in the Northeast, well, I’ll say –it’s his fault. And I may add…nananabooboo. Hey, it’s a big word.

Jay reminded us to give some respect for Season 1. The crowd did give them a standing “O”. Last time I gave a standing “O”, I got nothing too so I feel for you Season 1.

Hey, $50,000 woulda been nice, at least once, right? C’mon, America. We know that the presidential election won’t be this lopsided. It wasn’t right.

Okay! I’m off the soap box. (Yes, I really am that short. Wanna make something of it?)

Geoff and Juicy (Tess) were ousted from Season 1. Give Tess big ups. She was the LAST FEMALE COMIC Standing! You go, Tess. Geoff, gotta admit I was not loving the shirt. It looked like you had a bad run-in with a bunch of cantaloupes.

Gary Gulman and Todd Glass bid adieu to the competition. It’s okay, guys. At least you’re together now. In a happy place…hopefully eating cookies. (Yes, I am still low-carbing it and it makes me cranky!)

So, for those of you keeping track, the final four ARE:

  • Heff was up first. He had a good set. Heffron’s biggest asset is his boyish mischievousness. He’s charming, cute and well, I guess he just naturally hits the SLACKER DEMOGRAPHIC. He reminds me why we were NOT afraid to be called Generation-X once.

    Yes, I did have a crappy car, too, John. My tapes — cassettes, they were — got eaten because I used those stickers. I felt a symbiotic relationship with John. If he wins, he will definitely enjoy his ‘ribbon-cutting’ responsibilities. We all know that if he wins, he can afford to buy a decent pair of scissors and not the ‘dingle-berry ones’ we all remember, right?

    He talked about the advantages of dating ‘older women’ – they have less energy, they’ll get you home early and may even feed you.

    He also discussed the age-old bath mat dilemma. “How do you get in and out of the tub without getting the bath mat wet?” Hmm. It’s pondered sages and mystics for ages….along with the how-many-licks- does-it-take-to-get-to-the-center-of-a-tootsie-pop-question.

    Next up was Rich Vos. I’ve seen Vos on Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. I’ve panned him repeatedly in my reviews. I know he’s A-list. I just thought he often brought a B or C-game. Again, this is my REVIEW and it’s MY opinion.

    Tonight, however, I was prepared to hate him. I wanted to hate the one they painted as the DON. However, Vos had his game face on. He gave an A performance. It fit the audience, the venue and well, I say, yay!

    He talked about his children. Here were a few of his gems, paraphrased, of course!:

  • I love it when my ex-wife yells at me. The kids stand behind her, making faces. So, I’m laughing and it pisses her off more. The kids deny it and say, “No mom, he lies. Now we know why you left him.”
  • I’m a Jew. Where the Jews at? If Moses would’ve walked two more miles, we’d have all the oil now…
  • On Ash Wednesday: Yeah, that’s a great holiday. The priest burns you. You’re lucky. It coulda been worse. Read the papers, people.
  • He comments on our overly PC-society. I thought he was better than Heffron was. I really did.

    Now, Mordal was next. He had a solid set too. Season 1 didn’t just come to play tonight – they came to WIN. It’s gonna be close, I hope. Dave mentions that he’s usually just thinking about his opener and doesn’t think much beyond that before his set starts.

    He said if he wins the title of Last Comic Standing, he’d….”travel around the country giving hope to others. Nah, I wouldn’t do that. I’d just stay home.”

    He talked about his technologically-challenged parents. I wonder if they met my dad who thinks call-waiting is Satanic?

    So, his mom tries to log into AOL with WORD. LOL.
    Mom says that the computer went nuts when her game of Tetris ended. That’s the disk defragmenter. OMG. Me and my geeky, software engineer husband felt like well, we just saw Shatner at a convention.

    Hey, mom, how about a game of “Restart”? You go, Dave.

    He also talked about how 20 years later some of his ‘crimes’ are funny. A cop opened the door of my car and I fell out. You just don’t talk your way out of that.

    Not, unless you’re my friend, Art. He told the cop in a similar situation ….Don’t you question me!. Now, that was funny — even then. But not to him, of course.

    Here’s a few more gems from Mr. Mordal:
    –I hate picking up friends on pot; they’re always late. My friends on speed – they’ve already left.
    –Crappy cars will keep you awake. I usually am playing – “Guess that horrible noise?” or “What’s coming through the vent – steam or smoke?”

    Great set, Dave. You go, Mr. M!

    The final finalist was Mr. Alonzo Bodden. Can I get two snaps in a circular motion and a what-what for Alonzo? As good as all the other comics were tonight, my opinion is that Alonzo was just a little better.

    I think he’s the best writer of the bunch. It’s how I feel. I am always impressed with the sharpness of his lines and the intelligence of his wit and his insights.

    He says he likes to go out and own the crowd. He wants to “detroy the room!” He also said his set would be strong and edgy. “Some people may be uncomfortable with it, but that’s comedy.” That’s a statement I wish I had remembered in a few previous reviews.

    Alonzo joked about the presidential debates:

    ‘They give the candidates two minutes each to speak and then a red light goes on. Then, people vote for the winner. We’re picking the president the same way we pick the Last Comic Standing. That scared me!’ (If only we could vote online or via phone for the pres…that would be great!)

    He mentions that now Kerry and Bush aren’t going after each other; their henchman are doing it. Apparently, Kerry didn’t get shot correctly in Vietnam. (Well, coming from Massachusetts, I could see how he could ‘screw’ that up, but…I digress!)

    Bush was ‘protecting Texas and Alabama from the Viet Cong.’ That couldn’t be hard. “You guys, alright. Okay. I’m heading off to the bar.”


    Here’s some pearls of wisdom from Professor Bodden:

  • If you kill your wife, don’t report her missing. I watch CSI and they’re pretty good at figuring these things out.
  • The government needs new computers to track terrorists. How come the DMV can find a parking ticket I didn’t pay in 1972? Let’s just wait for them to commit some traffic violations.
  • I say let’s get WILD ON! Terror. Send those drunken sluts from E! to Iraq.
  • The one to send is Paris Hilton. Can we get rid of her? Paris Hilton wrote a book? She couldn’t read one. Of course her book has pictures. Just like the ones she colors in.
  • He also cautions us to ‘keep an eye on the latinos’. Hey, wait!?! I’m 1/2 latino. I guess I need to keep an eye on myself. “Pretty soon we’ll lose our month. We’ll be stuck with Cinco de Negro!

    Silly man, Latinos have Hispanic Heritage Month. It’s right now — from September 15th to October 15th! Viva la raza!

    Anyway, Alonzo finished up a strong season. He was consistent and well, I voted for him. I don’t care who y’all voted for. I just want you to vote. You can NOT complain about the choice of the Last Comic Standing if you do not become a part of the process. Remember that and vote. Vote as often as you can. Get your friends to vote. Your neighbors, your dog!

    Okay…I’m done.

    Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos. Got comments? Can you tell me how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Hmm. Good. Email me at panndyra@yahoo.com.


    Freelance writer, webmaster of realityshack.com, chief editor at applemagazine.com, contribtor to TechLife News and maketecheasier.com, martial arts instructor, and mother of two.