(Sunday 3rd October, 9pm – Midnight GMT)
At the top of the show everyone meets our Cheggars at the front of the castle for the second nights worth of paranormal activity. It’s windy and either everyone is smiling or grimacing at the idea that their fragile careers maybe over already (death by humiliation)
Cheggars picks out Faith, Richard, Ricardo and Tamara to explore more tunnels, this time these are the old Medieval tunnels that are found at the east of the castle. After sending them off Cheggars leads the remaining four, Roy, Colin, Jo and Nancy, into the castle itself.
Once inside he leads them too a small stone room called (excuse any spelling here) a Sacristy, which in layman’s terms is a monks locker room. There task is to use metal dowsing rod to detect paranormal “hot spots” in the room itself. While Roy stands there, with a look on his face that looks as if to say “Why am I doing this?”, Cheggars gets over excited at how his rods seem to be moving without any help. If he gets anymore excited they will need to fit him with his own adult diaper.
Meanwhile, the two women are holding heir rods over their heads and twiddling them as if the were members of the Guildford Majorette Olympic team.
Our genial host points out too them, that they have in the room, four objects that are to be used as trigger object (items that are to be placed on hot spots and left over night to see if they are moved by spirits).
Cheggars by now has left the room and is viewing them on a screen on in another room. He has to have words with our Nancy.
“Nancy, a few people have pointed out that you are making your rods by yourself” He say.
“No, they’re doing this by themselves.” she says as clearly starts moving them by herself by twirling her wrist
“Well a few people have mentioned, maybe if you stop moving your arms…?”
“I’m not doing anything, this is all natural.” She says as she starts flapping her arms like a bird.
By this time I’m rolling about on the floor laughing my proverbials off at the plain silliness of this woman. What makes it worse is that she wasn’t joking either.
Down in the tunnels the other four are joined by medium Ian Lawman. He leads them down towards a particular section of tunnel and the drama starts. Ricardo starts bawling his eyes out like a baby needing a feed. He is getting a dizzy and sick feeling and need to be calmed down by Lawman. They eventually reach the end of the tunnel, after having to goad Ricardo into going further.
After a break our dowsers join the other four in the tunnel. This is where Lawman tries to communicate with the dead. He is picking out the presence of soldiers from the Napoleonic period. Nancy claims to have a headache and the ability to see a soldier. And just as Jo is explaining how she is feeling Faith does something very odd. She leaps a foot in the air and lands on the floor.
She is clearly genuinely feigned fright, poor thing. Roy at this point is now looking so disassociated with the thing I’m sure he’s looking for an exit so he can go down the pub.
What makes it even better is that Ricardo has started the water works again. The whole thing is looking like a theatrical farce. Now I need an adult diaper to prevent a nasty accident with all my laughter.
After another break the team are now with Cheggars in his remote location, all except Faith who is busy seeing the shows counsellor.
Tamara, Jo and Nancy are sent off to search for the ghost commonly known as the Red Lady. This search ends up in a bedroom where Jo had been sitting watching a dressing table with mirror and objects. Unfortunately nothing moved.
Later, everyone is back with our host (except Ricardo this time). We are soon joined by former contestant Daniella Westbrook (she of nose falling off fame and former soap star). Roy is sitting at the back wishing he had escaped too the pub when he had the chance.
Daniella is here to tell them about the Watch Room, a room that overlooks the Great Hall and has been sealed off for years. It’s up to one of the men to go and sit in there alone. Out or pure desperation, and need for a bottle of scotch, Roy volunteers. He is lead away and is shut alone in the darkened room. He makes a desperate plea for the spirits to show him a sign (no pun intended) as he is the last sceptic left and feels the need to believe. Nothing. He is soon replaced by Richard Blackwood and Cheggars, from his remote screen, swears he can see a ghost behind him. Bless those shadows in darkened creepy rooms
It’s the final section of the show and it’s time for Ian Lawman to conduct another séance, this time in the Great hall. For effect, the hall is awash with red artificial light. During the séance Lawman makes contact with Roy’s late uncle and Nancy’s late father in-law. Personally I found this tacky, fraudulent and totally out of connection with the location they are in.
Out of all the mediums they could pick for the show, why did they pick the most useless and least entertaining?