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Step Away From the Mascara-Starting Over, 9/28/04

9.12
Tuesday 9/28/04

It’s morning. Chloe has been up since 3 and Sinae is getting her up so Josie can take a break.

Iyanla comes and finds Kim, who is praying on the sundeck. Iyanla narrates that it’s a beautiful morning but it’s gonna be a rough day for Kim. They go inside and Iyanla asks, “how real do you want to be?” They face a mirror and Kim says she looks pretty, flashy, like someone who likes to dress nice. She says dressing nice makes her feel better about herself. Iyanla asks her to look beneath the flash, and Kim sees “a girl who thinks she’s ugly and angry, judgmental and sad. She believes that without the makeup and clothes, people won’t accept her for who she is. She acknowledges that she’s beginning to see that if she can spot ugliness in herself, maybe others can too. Iyanla tells Kim she wants her to learn how to be ok with her stuff, not cover it up. She orders Kim to wipe off the makeup that has taken an hour (!) to put on. Kim tells Iyanla she has had cosmetic surgery on her eyes and botox to keep from looking old. Looking old means being closer to death and Kim declares she is going to fight it every step of the way. “Until today,” declares Iyanla. She sends Kim to fetch all her makeup, jewelry and her Louis Vuitton bag. Kim argues but does it. While she’s grumbling and gathering, Sommer chuckles and Kim gets angry and wants to know why she thinks it’s funny.

Iyanla confiscates everything and give Kim plain sweats and a black backpack that does not match her shoes. Kim warns Iyanla not to piss her off, and Iyanla observes it’s probably not possible to be more pissed than Kim is now – but she’ll try. She asks if Kim wants to break something (think “pull my finger”) but Kim says she does not hurt people. Iyanla points out that Kim hurts herself, and Kim says that’s because she deserves it. I am surprised there is no hug here but Iyanla does reassure Kim that she does not deserve to be hurt, and at the end of this tunnel she will never want to do it again.

Jennifer goes to tell Sommer how Josie feels about her previous remarks. Sommer shares that she has ordered a new swimsuit because she knows that Josie will not wear the old one now. Jennifer assures Sommer that you can’t waste your energy trying to adjust yourself so everyone will like you.

Meanwhile, Jennifer is late with her assignment of making 3 tapes to tell 3 people what they have done to make her feel loved. She has chosen her father, mother and sister, but she doesn’t know what to say so she rushes through.

While that’s happening, Iyanla is giving Kim her assignment. Kim wants to know if Iyanla is going to make her go out in public. Iyanla says no, she is going to GIVE her an OPPORTUNITY. Kim will volunteer at an assisted living center for elderly people with Alzheimer’s disease. Kim is quite sure this will trigger an anxiety attack and Iyanla invites Kim to call her names in her journal. Kim assures Iyanla she will. They move to the kitchen where Iyanla gets a plate from the cupboard and gives it to Kim to break. (It’s a really nice plate too, IMHO.) Kim declines because she doesn’t want to clean it up. so Sinae offers to clean it. Kim decides to break it outdoors away from Chloe. (That’s right, Iyanla told someone to break glass near a live baby!) They go out to the terrace where Iyanla get Kim good and mad so she can make a really strong smash. Then Kim goes inside, slamming the door. Luckily for Chloe, it doesn’t seem to close very loudly.

Dr. Stan arrives to meet with Sommer. He narrates that he wants her to have a connection with him because he knows she’s feeling alienated in the house. Sommer has noticed Towanda does not like her and also tells him she made a goof with Josie. (She has it wrong, but this is because nobody will tell her what she said that was so hurtful.) She admits to being a control freak and it bothers her that she can’t control the people around her. She tells him Jennifer already reminded her of this.

Cut to Kim getting ready to leave. She grumbles that she wears grubby sweats and no makeup at home so she doesn’t understand how this assignment will help.

Jennifer shows up with her tapes and explains that she just said the first thing that came into her mind. Iyanla calls her on this and tries to get her to delve deeper into her relationship with her mother.

Then to the kitchen, where Sinae has saved a piece of broken plate for Kim. Towanda and Josie are also there and they have worked themselves up into a real fury over Sommer, who is exercising nearby with her headphones on.

After the break Kim arrives and it turns out to be a daycare where not all the clients have Alzheimer’s. Kim apologizes for her clothes and is assured everyone looks like this.

Sommer finds Towanda in the kitchen with Sinae and wants to talk about their tension. “Do I annoy you?” She asks. Towanda replies. “It’s not that you annoy me, it’s just some of the things you say piss me off.” (Ok, she annoys you.) Towanda chooses not to tell Sommer what’s really bothering her, but Sommer narrates she knows it’s because Towanda sees her as the Other Woman like the one her father cheated with.

At the daycare, Kim is told she will be choosing one client to buddy up with. She immediately jumps on Emma, a well-dressed lady. I like Emma too, because she is a retired seamstress. It turns out Emma is a package deal with her equally delightful friend Walcie, who used to travel all over the place taking care of babies. Kim asks Emma what she thinks of old age, and Emma tells her if you’re not healthy, it’s for the birds, but it’s ok if you’re healthy.

Iyanla is disappointed with Jennifer’s taping effort. She tries to get Jennifer to imagine her mother with MS, unable to see or walk, and being powerless to help if one of her children needs her. All this does is remind Jennifer of how much she had to sacrifice to help her mother. She’s still mad about it, exclaiming “I’m the kid, not the adult!” (um, you’re 22…) Iyanla wants to know who asked her to put her life on hold and Jennifer acknowledges nobody did, but she felt she had no choice. (that might be true, she was 14 and somebody could have tried to stop her from getting a job.) Now she gets to close her eyes and be six. :clap: She admits she loves her mother even though there are things her mother can’t do for her. She says she needs her mother to listen and she doesn’t want to be angry anymore. In confessional, Jennifer narrates that she’s never expressed what she’s wanted to say to her sister, father and mother. Iyanla congratulates her and announces that Jennifer has found her voice. She can mail her tapes to her family and take the “anger” card off her necklace.

Kim is finishing up her assignment with Emma & Walcie and wants to do it again sometime.

There’s a meeting in the loft with Rhonda and the topic will be weight. Towanda announces that this is the biggest she’s ever been (ok, I was trying to stay away from this subject but I have been wanting to say that Towanda is really quite freakishly thin.) Kim groans and Rhonda reminds the room that “it’s true for her”. Kim wants to have her breasts lifted, a tummy tuck and liposuction. She feels like a football player but wants to look like a model. Josie is not happy that she went from size 5 to 15 while pregnant (she doesn’t say what she is now, but I am guessing an 8, possibly smaller) and takes this opportunity to tell Rhonda about Sommer’s gaffe in the pool. Josie declares that she will not swim again and will be on the treadmill nonstop from now on. (Can you say “passive-aggressive”?) Rhonda asks Sommer if she tried to lose weight before her bypass, and Sommer tells her she did, but never lost more than 24 pounds. She tells the group her bypass cost $25,000.00 and they are shocked. Towanda notes it’s more than in vitro and Josie narrates that for that amount she could buy a house and just be fat in her house with Chloe. (Note to Life Coaches: show Josie what stuff really costs) Jennifer says Sommer could just quit eating shit and go to the gym. She tells Sommer it’s not ok to have a bypass unless you’re morbidly obese. (Rhonda narrates that this is really about the Other Woman factor, but I recall that they jumped on this topic before they knew about the boyfriend thing.) Rhonda ends the meeting and tells the women there will be a special guest tonight.

Jennifer mails her tapes and feels relieved.

Back at the house, Josie narrates that she felt Kim was too materialistic when she came to the house and she’s glad Kim has to take off her makeup and lose the Vuitton. In solidarity, she removes her diamond earrings that were a gift from her grandmother.

The special guest is a belly dance instructor. Kim decides she needs to wear something more comfortable, so she puts on fancy pajamas. Josie narrates that Kim has failed her assignment by getting “all glamified”. Towanda is really happy. She has always wanted to learn belly dancing because of the way men react to it. Sinae thinks it’s amazing because the bigger your hips, the sexier it’s going to look. Jennifer feels she has confirmed her belief that she is un-coordinated.

Later Jennifer tells Josie that Sommer has ordered her a new swimsuit and Josie says this feel like charity.

Kim is telling Sinae she did not understand her assignment. Sinae says that’s because she has not hit rock bottom yet. Sinae narrates that the next couple of days will be “a walk through hell.”

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