It’s the anticipated season premiere of Dancing with the Stars, and with a really exciting cast this season, everyone’s just going to be watching one person – Chaz Bono. And all the people who are saying they won’t watch because of him are just going to cause even more people to watch. Another thing everyone will be watching will be the season premiere of Two and a Half Men with Ashton Kutcher. But you don’t have to miss Charlie Sheen; he’s being roasted tonight on Comedy Central. The comedy writers really didn’t have to work too hard for it, as Charlie pretty much gave them all the material they needed. Catch up on other TV you may have missed at TV-Links.
1. Live with Regis and Kelly. Guests include Tom Selleck, Eddie Cibrian, and Lawrence Zarian. Syndicated, check local listings.
2. The Quiet American. Screen adaptation of Graham Green’s novel starring Brendan Fraser and Michael Caine about a British journalist and American agent in Vietnam. It’s a great commentary of Vietnam from a different perspective. 9:30 AM CT Starz Cinema
3. The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Harry Connick Jr. is among the guests which will also include some of the Emmy Award winners. Syndicated, check local listings.
4. Smokey and the Bandit. It’s the original one with Burt Reynolds, Jerry Reed, and Sally Field. I used to watch this tirelessly on HBO. Jerry Reed drives the illegal merchandise in the truck, and Burt Reynolds runs interference in his sports car with girlfriend Sally Field next to him. 4:10 PM CT RetroPlex
5. How I Met Your Mother. Season premiere. In the first half hour, Barney and Ted remember Punchy’s wedding, and Robin think about confessing her feelings. In the second half hour, Marshall fears his past videos will jeopardize his dream job, and Ted needs a date for the architects’ ball. 7:00 PM CT CBS
6. Sing Off. Season premiere. Eight of the groups perform together. 7:00 PM CT NBC
7. Dancing with the Stars. Season premiere. The couples perform for the first time. 7:00 PM CT ABC
8. Hell’s Kitchen. Season finale. The winner is crowned after a final challenge. 8:00 PM CT Fox
9. The Lying Game. A backlash comes of Emma and Ethan’s kiss, and Sutton possibly gets closer to finding out where Annie Hobbes has been. 7:00 PM CT ABC Family
10. Basketball Wives LA. Jackie and Dog get remarried … again, and one of the women goes missing. 7:00 PM CT VH1
11. NFL Football. St. Louis Rams at New York Giants. 7:30 PM CT ESPN
12. Two and a Half Men. Season Premiere. Exit Charlie Sheen; enter Ashton Kutcher. 8:00 PM CT CBS
13. American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior. OCC stars a build for Wyotech, the Gears of War 3 trike comes along, and the PJD group is undermanned 8:00 PM CT Discovery
14. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Adrienne’s family has to make difficult decisions, while Adrienne questions Kim’s sobriety. 8:00 PM CT Bravo
15. The Bad Girls Club. Nastasia wants revenge on whoever destroyed her contact lenses, and Judi wants to send one of the roommates home. 8:00 PM CT Oxygen
16. 2 Broke Girls. Series Premiere. A waitress and formerly wealthy coworker form a new business. 8:30 PM CT CBS
17. Hawaii Five-0. Season PRemire. Awaiting trial for the murder of the Governor, McGarrett gets an unexpected visit; Kono is suspended. 9:00 PM CT CBS
18. The Playboy Club. Series Premiere. A club regular helps a newbie with a dangerous situation, and the general manager of the club tries to prevent the mob from interfering. 9:00 PM CT NBC
19. Castle. Season Premiere. Beckett struggles to survive as Castle identifies the shooter. Ryan and Esposito have to adjust to a new captain. 9:00 PM CT TNT
20. Fashion Police: The 2011 Primetime Emmy Awards. A look at the fashion’s from last night’s awards. 9:00 PM CT E!
21. The Comedy Central Roast. Charlie Sheen is roasted. 9:00 PM CT Comedy Central
22. Most Eligible Dallas. Drew and Courtney try to come to a resolution between them as Drew’s ex spills. 9:00 PM CT Bravo
23. The Joy Behar Show. Rachael Ray, Jermaine Jackson, and Kendra Wilkinson are the guests tonight. 9:00 PM CT HLN
24. Hair Battle Spectacular. The contestants put magic tricks into their designs. 9:00 PM CT Oxygen
25. Weeds. “Qualitative Spatial Reasoning.” 9:00 PM CT Showtime
26. The Big C. On the night before Cathy’s big trip to Italy, Lee gives her a call. Paul finds out one of Myk’s secrets, while Adam finds out one about Poppy. 9:30 PM CT Showtime
27. Conan. Ryan Gosling, Nicole Scherzinger, and Tig Notaro are the guests. 10:00 PM CT TBS
28. The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. The guests tonight include Simon Cowell, Natasha Leggero, and Selena Gomez. 10:35 PM CT NBC