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How Ya Like Me Now? – Starting Over, 9/23/04

thurs 9/23

The show opens with the remaining 5 housemates in the loft. The life coaches arrives and the discussion is about Deborah. The women seem confused that she left, after having such a good time the night before. They thought she was crying wolf again. (We’ll never know if she was really crying wolf, I feel like she did intend to leave til they all begged her to stay) Kim wants to be reassured that she isn’t coming back, then wonders if it’s her fault. Iyanla observes that Deborah leaving reminds everyone of their fathers abandoning them. Rhonda lectures the group that it’s not just Deborah’s loss that she left – it also hurts the rest of them because they lose an opportunity to to face fears about that type of person, learning to love, support and see people we have judgments against. She reminds the group we all test others to see if they are worth loving. This gets Kim to crying and she says she wishes she could just be herself, not all good or all bad. This launches Rhonda into a babytalk riff. (What is it in this house!) Twice she asks the group “Ya wanna know a secret?” then proceeds to state something obvious. :roll:

Later Sinae meets with Rhonda one on one to talk about Matt, her ex boyfriend. She doesn’t see him, she says, because her parents disapprove of interracial relationships. Rhonda asks her to invite him to visit the next weekend and Sinae calls him at home. His dad answers and tells her Matt’s at work, so she thanks him and hangs up.

Josie tells Dr. Stan her story. She is the child of hippies who didn’t care about close relationships. Her last memory of her parents together is at age 5. She was alone with her dog in their home behind the pub her mother owned. Her mother was tending bar, drunk. Her father was there, also drunk. They argued and dad came stomping into the apartment. Mom followed her in and they fought some more. He beat her up and she told Josie to run away. Josie went outdoors with the dog, but didn’t know where she was supposed to go from there. Dr. Stan asks, now that you’re a mother, can you picture Chloe walking in on a scene like that, four years from now? Josie tells him it won’t happen because she loves Chloe and will fight for her like her grandmother fought for Josie. Dr. Katz reminds Josie that she hasn’t done the things she would need to do, like establish a relationship before getting pregnant, earn money or finish school. Dr. Stan narrates that Josie needs a career in order to be able to support Chloe emotionally and financially.

Sinae’s trying to reach Matt again. His mom tells her he’s asleep. Sinae tells the mom he’s invited to come to the house for a weekend and the mom promises to pass along the message.

Iyanla has had Jen make a necklace of cards with all of the words from her brick wall. Jen doesn’t want to wear it but Iyanla reminds her she already wears those things every day. Jen says “I don’t know what I am without all of this.”

Iyanla and Kim meet one on one. They calculate that Kim has ten important broken relationships: the church, her father, sister, 3 friends, stepmother and 4 stepchildren. Kim admits she feels she must be pushing people away because she is the common denominator. Iyanla has her pick out her strongest relationship – her mother; a shaky one – her father; and a broken one – one of her ex friends. Iyanla tells Kim she will have to ask these people how she looks to them. Kim is uncomfortable because she doesn’t take criticism well. It makes her feel broken, bad, unworthy. Her assignment is to call these 3 people and get them to tell her what they like and dislike about her. Later she and Iyanla meet again and discuss the results. The friend was not there. Mom said she liked how her daughter dresses and that she shares her children. A hurtful thing was just whenever she would be bad as a teen. Kim’s dad says it hurts that she challenges their relationship by putting up walls and nursing her grudge over her parents’ divorce. Hw would also like to receive small personal gifts at birthdays and Christmas. He likes that she has a nice personality and is good to his granddaughters, and he cries as he tells her she will always be his little girl. He has the same positive memory she does, about feeding her when she was little. In confessional, Kim says it’s hard to relate to him as an adult because their relationship stopped when she was 6. Iyanla points out that the good memory made it through the filter of all the bad times, and Kim should be willing to receive it. In order to make a place for it in her heart, Kim will have to lay down some negative things she’s been hanging onto. She’s not sure she wants to. Iyanla has Kim list the things she loves about her daughters. they are emotional things like “spiritual” and “good listener”. In contrast, that the things Kim’s parents liked and disliked about her were either superficial, or things about them, and challenges Kim’s conviction that she and her mother have a close relationship. I don’t know how they can concentrate in this session because someone’s dog is barking in the background the whole time. (Between that and the homeless people building fires in the backyard, I think this house is not as isolated as they would have us believe.)

Rhonda takes Josie to a place where animals are trained for show business. Josie feeds apples to an elephant, lets a bear take marshmallows from her mouth, helps with lions and relates that she’s not even nervous. She finishes by helping to bathe the elephant and tells Rhonda it felt so good to stand next to an elephant and “just hold her” :shrug:

Sinae tries calling Matt for the third time. Now he’s at work. His mother calls her “babe”. She meets with Rhonda, who asks if she is emotionally ready to have him here. Sinae says she is, because she wants some closure one way or the other. Rhonda tries to get her to FEEL it instead of just talking about it, and the tears flow. Sinae admits she’s ready to marry him but he drifts in and out. She doesn’t like herself for accepting that. Rhonda says she deserves to get her PhD and also have love from a man, not a boy, who will be a partner and not a crutch, and wonders if Sinae’s heart is open to it. Sinae admits she doesn’t think that kind of love is in store with Matt. Later, she finally gets him on the phone and he wants to know if he can postpone it til the next weekend. Sinae narrates that the real reason she wants to see him is that she’s desperate for love and knows he will always be there.

Josie is on the phone with her mother telling her what a good day it was and that this could make her want to move everything, her mother included, to California. She is excited to have felt “at home” doing something. Her mother sounds happy for her.

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