We start off the episode with Travis lamenting about his night. He says that he “slept like a baby,” meaning he woke up every three minutes and cried. He says that the guys need fire badly. So we are treated to a shot of all the guys trying to make fire yet again. JP gets a spark going, but shortly thereafter it starts to rain, and the guys just are deflated. THen we get the typical Survivor nature shot. It’s a BAT! I say we name the bat Magilla. Eh? Eh?
Lisa is trying to get bananas, so she stands on two of the other women and nearly drops the machete on one of them. Wouldn’t that make for a great thing on Survivor. “Woman drops machete, kills tribemate.” I think reality TV as we know it would die after an incident like that. Mia says that it’s getting rough now. Eliza confesses that the island is beautiful to look at, but it’s not beautiful to live in. Somebody had commented that it felt like they were living in prison. The girls are cooking something, and they find maggots in it. Some of the females go ewwwwww. Twila says they’re boiled already, so eat ‘em up! Dolly adds another “It’s rough” to the young girls’ confessionals, then starts crying a bit, but says that she’s still enjoying her time out here. The tribe comforts Dolly as she is brought to tears, and Twila once again states in a confessional that the maggots are protein, and to just eat them and shut up. According to her, the sorority girls are not mature enough and they aren’t physically strong enough to be out on the island.
Back at the men’s camp, JP and Travis have a heart-to-heart. JP asks if his name had come up at the previous night’s tribal council discussion, and Travis honestly answers yes. JP states in a confessional that it’s 5-3 against him, and those aren’t good odds. Travis tells JP that he’s a huge threat and that he’s freakin’ dangerous. And then we watch Travis tailspin into an awful conundrum, where he talks about how he thinks about his family every time he votes. JP questions Travis, asking “so if I had kids, would you not vote for me?” and Travis stutters around himself. JP gives Travis the evil eye as he fumbles around himself and his explanation, and I swear if JP had the power to make people’s heads explode by glaring at them, Bubba would have been decapitated right then and there. (Note: As much as I think Travis is funny and has good sound-bites, I’m definitely liking JP a bit more at this point.)
We go to the reward challenge, and HEY! It’s balance again. Is Mr. Burnett favoring the women? No waaaaay. Anyway, each tribe member is assigned a number and has to scoot their way across a balance beam past the rest of their tribe. Once all 8 have scooted to the end, the tribe wins the reward, which is pillows and blankets. Wahoo! Scout sits out for the women, and so then the challenge starts. It’s Eliza vs. Brady, and both have trouble getting across at first, both fall into the water. But after a bit of struggling, both Eliza and Brady get across at nearly the same time. Now it’s John K on the men’s side, and he has trouble. He gets to about Bubba and falls in. Meanwhile, the women are just kicking ass and taking names and two, then three, then four get across. We are then treated to the sense of humor the music department of Survivor has, as JK and JP both hold onto each other as JK is balancing, and we get hilarious lovey-dovey sappy romance music. My friend and I nearly died laughing at the music. JK gets to Chad and both fall in. The women are just flying through now, and Brady’s just frustrated, standing there, watching JK suck. Chad nearly belts himself in the head as he slips, but he grabs the beam and pulls himself back up. JK tries to get across yet again, and once again gets to Bubba and falls off. By this time, the women are pretty much done. Mia is the last one, and she moonwalks off the beam. Now, under any other circumstance, I would have consider her little dance move kinda cool and sexy, but at this point I want to reach through my TV and push her off the beam into the water, because this is the second challenge in a row that the women have taunted the men after they won. The women in the Amazon weren’t this bad, were they?
Back with the men, Rory starts complaining about Mia’s show. Except he calls her Twila. Lea corrects him and says it was Mia, and Rory says whatever. (Boy, Rory must have had fun in his younger years. “I love you Sandra! Wait, it’s Linda. Donna? Honey, come back! I’ll get it right eventually!”) Rory then goes on a rampage about how they’re grown women, and when Lea says he was humbled by the competition, Rory tells him no, that if they were men, he wouldn’t be taking it like he was. (Sexist much, Rory?) Lea then goes to the other guys, complaining about how Rory complaining so much about the challenge was kind of strange and annoying.
The next day, a refreshed Leann says that she’d hate to be the guys right now, as they’re probably having a real rough time. And then a chicken runs through camp. Eliza nearly scares it away, and Lisa goes all Crocodile Hunter on the chicken, creeping after it with a machete. Dolly has the brains to throw a rock at it, and it scatters. Finally, the chicken settles to lay eggs under a tree. Twila stabs at the chicken but misses, but they get five eggs out of the deal anyway. Quick change to Ami in a confessional, where she says that it’s good to be in a tribe of women because they all care about each other. However, it’s shaping up to be the “younger” group vs. the “older” group, Mia/Lisa/Eliza/Dolly/Julie vs. herself/Twila/Scout/Leann. Twila then confronts Dolly about voting, wanting to make sure she isn’t on the chopping block. Dolly says that Twila would have probably been the young group’s target if the girls had lost the first IC. Dolly tells Twila that she’ll vote with the older crowd, but Twila says you may never know.
COLUMNIST’S NOTE: Okay, at this point, there are two things I have to say. First of all, THIS EXACT SAME SCENARIO happened in the Amazon. Honestly, look at it. In Amazon, it was young vs. old in the tribes. Here, it’s the same thing. EXCEPT one thing. THERE IS NO YOUNG VERSUS OLD. To me, it seems like it’s working more like single vs. attached. Because JP and Brady are only two years younger than Chris, but they are classified as “younger.” Mia and Ami are the same age, but Ami is “older” and Mia is “younger.” And Lisa, what the hell? Young at heart maybe? I dunno, I’m just tired of the Survivors classifying this as young vs. old, because it’s clearly not if you look at the ages.
Rory and Chad get the treemail, and Rory starts talking about how the rock is supposed to give good luck, but they haven’t gotten any. So the men put the rock back on a staff, and boom it starts raining. Rory says it’s creepy, and there’s definitely something magical about Vanuatu.
It’s the blindfold challenge! Like we haven’t seen this one before. You know the drill, the tribes are tied up into groups and have to be led by people to find pieces to put together a puzzle. Dolly sits out, and Sarge and Scout are the eyes. They are off, and it’s another good bonkin’ challenge. Right off the bat, Bubba runs into Mia. Yasur has a traffic jam as they are all discombobulated. Lea starts telling Bubba to go left, and Bubba makes a complete left-turning circle around a piece before picking it up. Brady runs into a piece that’s already been sat down and curses and hops around holding his shin for a bit. Yasur is having a hard time as they run into everything as Scout’s doing a horrible job on damage control. Sarge definitely has the voice for the challenge though, as he’s yelling all over the place, and Scout can’t be heard out in the ocean. There’s one piece left for Lopevi, and Rory decides to start chanting to “help” Lea out, and Rory gets “the treatment” from Sarge. “YOU ARE MESSING ME UP.” And Rory, scared that militant guerillas are going to jump out of the woods and skewer him, shuts up. The last piece is returned, and Lopevi gets to work. On the other hand, Scout has bad vision and misses a piece out in the water, and Yasur is way behind. But the men nearly screw up and have trouble with the first puzzle piece, allowing the women to catch up. Both tribes finish their first step near to each other, but the men finish the second and third steps before Yasur finishes thier second, and the men celebrate. Of course, now the men taunt the women, as Sarge yells “SAY MY NAME! LOPEVI!” Jebus almighty, only in a battle of the sexes does this happen.
Eliza is crying after the loss, and people are comforting her, she says she didn’t expect to like everyone so much. Dolly and Julie start talking, and Dolly says that everyone’s saying Eliza, and she’s thinking about voting that way because Twila works hard. Julie’s scared because Dolly is wavering, but Dolly finally decides she’s more loyal to the younger crowd, but she doesn’t want to vote Twila out, so she decides on Leann and Julie goes with it. Dolly then goes to Ami and tells her that the younger crowd’s voting out Leann. Then Dolly talks to Scout, and Scout says “my teeth nearly fell out” when Dolly said she was voting for Leann, and Scout said she wanted Eliza out because Eliza was annoying. Ami, Eliza, and Leann all start talking to each other about how both Eliza and Leann have been targetted by Dolly, and Eliza makes a very strategic move and makes herself the swing vote instead of Dolly, pointing out Dolly is playing both sides to Leann and Ami. Mia, watching Ami and Leann and Eliza talk, tells Julie and Lisa that “at least Eliza’s down there so they can’t talk about voting.” Eliza gives the last pre-TC confessional, saying that she can either stick with her alliance, or vote for Dolly, the person she trusts the least in the alliance.
At TC, Scout is questioned first, and she says that she feels like she blew the challenge, but you can’t wallow in it. Eliza says that Twila is the workhorse, and Twila turns it around and says that her, Ami, Leann, and Scout do most of the work, but the rest do work “in their own areas.” Leann says that she’s tired, and when she’s tired she’s quiet, and that could hurt her. Dolly makes the tragic mistake that befell Christy, and announces to everybody that she’s the swing vote, she’s “Dolly In The Middle.” Eliza says that you just have to trust people and hope they stick to their word.
The people vote. Julie votes for Leane, and says that “Dolly’s pretty much running the show.” Mia votes for Leigh Ann, and says it’s “purely so the five young’ns can stick together.” The votes are tallied, and in a 5-4 vote, Dolly gets the boot. Mia and Julie and Lisa and Dolly all exchange obvious looks at each other as each vote for Dolly is read. Dolly’s torch is snuffed, and it’s a whole new ball game.
Next time on Survivor: Mia goes spastic, Lea and Rory bring it against each other (Rory: I’m a grown-ass man, I don’t take orders), and the tribes learn that both tribes will be going to TC regardless.
In her final words, Dolly says that she’s just a simple farm girl, the game’s too much for her, she’s just a simple farm girl, she can’t handle the strategizing and the lying, she’s just a simple farm girl, and oh, she’s just a simple farm girl.
Hit me up at firstname.lastname@example.org with questions or complaints. Can’t wait until next week!