For this season of The Bachelor, the twenty-five women will choose their bachelor – Country Mouse (aka Byron Velvick, a forty-year-old professional bass fisherman) or City Mouse (aka Jay Overbye, also forty, and a real estate agent). And typical of The Bachelor series, there is plenty of cheese to go around.
Our host, Chris Harrison, welcomes the two bachelors and informs them of the new rules for this season. The twenty-five women will choose which of the two bachelors they will keep. The chosen bachelor will then choose the fifteen women he wishes to keep.
We are shown a video montage on each bachelor to get a quick introduction to their background. Byron was born and raised in Southern California. His earliest memories are of fishing with his father. His parents divorced when he was ten, forcing him to become “the man of the house.” After graduating college, he wondered what was next. He considered going to law school, but decided to follow his heart and become a professional fisherman, winning the US Open twice. He was previously married, and lived in Las Vegas. His wife, however, seemed more interested in the Vegas nightlife than homelife. He is here because he feels he is missing out on coming home to a wife and kids at the end of his day.
The next clip gives a quick bio of Jay. He was raised in Richmond, New Jersey. His family includes two sets of twins, Jay being half of one of the two sets. He went to prep school, and loved it. Sadly, when he was twenty-five, his dad passed away, due to not taking care of himself. Jay feels this feeds his resolve to always be healthy. He owned his own computer networking company in Chicago before abandoning that and moving to New York, getting into real estate. His mom hopes the next woman Jay brings home will be the woman he will finally marry.
The two bachelors will be introduced to the women, but the women won’t know it. As the bachelorettes walk into the house and enjoy a pool party reception, Jay and Byron will be watching on hidden cameras. We see the women running into the house giggling and screaming, and drinking frozen margueritas poolside. One woman is even overheard going from room to room, saying, “I can’t find my bed!” And that’s BEFORE the margueritas!
This is followed by a quick one or two line intro by each of the women. Most of are the usual assortment – “I am sensitive.” “I haven’t found the right guy.” “I’m a small town girl with Southern values.” “I am a huge romantic.” “I’m very shy.” “I’m a strong woman who needs a strong man.” “I have a lot of love in my heart.” “I’m ready for the one guy.” Wake up, ladies. This is why you haven’t found a husband yet. You’re walking around making quotes that sound like they were taken directly from a Harlequin romance novel.
Personally, I am rooting for the women that have a little more substance and dare to be atypical. Cynthia is older and waiting to be “picked like a ripe fruit.” Wende says she’s a “wild-assed woman from Texas.” Kristie can be feminine but also likes to get dirty and play football. Nicole works as a head hunter, so feels she’ll have no trouble stealing a man away. Kerry travels as a Labor and Delivery nurse, and feels like a gypsy. Kristin has left college behind her, gotten two puppies, and feels getting married is the next step. Jennifer feels her best feature is her lips. Abby is an acrobat and gets tired of inappropriate questions about her line of work. I can only imagine the comments she must endure. Kelly brought her four-month-old bulldog puppy with her.
Of course, there’s always the woman that feels the need to explain, as Melinda did, that she never had to fight for a man with twenty-five other women before. No, really? Try moving to Alaska; I hear your odds will be better there. Tanya says her love life is so dead you can hear the crickets chirping in the background. The scariest of all, though, was Andrea who said she already has the eight yards of silk to make her wedding dress. I am pretty sure Byron and Jay were mentally crossing her off their lists.
And, of course, there’s the villainess. There always has to be one. This time it is Krysta, saying, “All is fair in love and war.” She could have at least come up with a better quote than that.
Chris comes out to the pool area and tells the women that things will be a little different this time. There will be no limos to take them to another location. There will be no gowns to wear. All twenty-five will live in the house for the first time ever. They will be introduced to their bachelor right now. Most of the women are making the same comment I would, “Oh great! Our hair isn’t done, our make-up isn’t fresh, and we’re in swimsuits!”
All the women are quite impressed as Jay comes out. Lisa explains he is very classically good-looking like Richard Gere. I was thinking more along the lines of Mark Harmon, myself. Mouths literally drop open as the second bachelor, Byron, is introduced as well. Cynthia, aka the ripe fruit, thinks he is HOT! Chris tells the women there will be two rose ceremonies in two days. the first one will be held that night, where the women will pick their bachelor of choice. The next will be the following day when the women are reduced down to fifteen. The question that remains is which rose ceremony will be “the most dramatic EVER!”
Jay and Byron set to work introducing themselves to the group of women, both individually and in smaller groups. Byron makes young enemies when he announces his minimum age for dating a woman is twenty-seven, and that he thinks getting married between the ages of twenty-five and thirty should be illegal. Jay makes an enemy as well, as he explains he won’t even consider a woman if she doesn’t want kids.
At the first rose ceremony, there is a pile of yellow and white roses. Jay is wearing a yellow boutonniere, and Byron a white one. With the men’s backs turned, the women will pick up a rose designating their choice of bachelor, and deposit it in a box. Byron is called the winner once he has the majority with at least thirteen white roses. As Jay leaves, and plops down in his get-away limo, his yellow boutonniere ceremoniously falls off.
Reality starts to set in, and the bachelorettes wonder if back-stabbing will go on, with some women telling Byron before the next rose ceremony who voted for him and who didn’t. I would think it would impact the game long after the next rose ceremony. Byron has to always continue to wonder if the women he’s choosing chose him or not.
The next evening there is a cocktail party and Krysta is getting very catty, wondering how old Kristie is (32), and indicating she doesn’t think Christie has a chance. (Which we all know means they’ll both get roses.)
Andrea is having herself quite a fatal attraction. With her eight yards of silk waiting in the wings at home, she hasn’t talked to Byron yet, but is already crying and talking about what a connection they have. Once they finally do get a chance to chat, Andrea babbles something about a strawberry being like a heart, and it was a sign that when she met him her strawberry opened up. Byron, heed my warning, and don’t give this woman a rose. Please send her back to the fabric store to get materials to craft a strait-jacket instead of a wedding dress.
The other women have had enough of Krysta bad-mouthing Kristie, and ask her what the deal is bad-mouthing Christie all the time. When Krysta begins to argue with them, they admit they are just trying to take her down a few notches. Krysta thinks no one can play the game better than her.
The second rose ceremony is about to begin. Byron, of course, talks about how hard of a decision this is. Then he adds the bachelorettes need to realize this is his life, if they aren’t serious, they should bow out, and allow another lady to receive the rose. The fifteen women who receive roses are Cheresse, Wende,Tanya, Leina, Kelly, Jayne, Natalie, Elizabeth, Krysta, Amanda (to which a wolf is heard howling in the background), Kristie, Suzie, Cyndi, Ashley, and the final rose is given to Andrea. No! Well, I tried to warn him. Those not picked are crying, and admitting they had said they wouldn’t be the one crying on the show.
The women chose Country Mouse Byron. I think he just looked more fun. Especially now that we find out he’ll be living in the mansion with the bachelorettes, not a separate house. That should make things very interesting, and I expect lots of catfights over the mouse.
I welcome all questions and comments at LB53064@yahoo.com