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Stupid is as Stupid Does – The Apprentice 2, Episode 2


by aurora

Last week on The Apprentice, the teams were divided into men vs. women with two exceptions; Bradford and Pamela both swapped sides and became the first project managers. The teams came up with names (Mosaic for the men and Apex for the women), and completed their first task. They created new toys for Mattel, and Apex won the task with their remote control cars. As part of a new twist to the show, Bradford, the project manager for Apex, is immune from being fired if his team goes to the boardroom this week. In the board room last week however, Rob from Mosaic was fired because he basically did nothing to contribute. 17 candidates are left – who will be fired this week?

The candidates are waiting in the suite, speculating on who’s coming back. They all seem to think that Andy has been fired because of his youth and inexperience. Pamela and Andy return and everyone celebrates. Andy comments privately that he’s a ‘marked man’ because of his age. He tells his cohorts that being in the boardroom is the ultimate mental test. Everyone agrees that they need to win the tasks and keep themselves out of the boardroom. They open some wine and drink a toast to Rob.

Ivana and Maria tell Andy how conceited Bradford is, and how much they dislike him. They’re waiting to see what he really brings to the table when he’s really under pressure and not in control of the task.

The phone rings, and everyone is told to meet with Mr. Trump at 8am at the garden level in the atrium at Trump Tower. The suite is buzzing at 5am, with hairdryers going and clothes being ironed. Stacie complains that the other girls are trying to build ‘phony relationships’, and she doesn’t want to be friends with any of these women. Maria comments that they can’t have Stacie freaking out and losing it under pressure this time.

In the atrium, Trump arrives (while they play royal entrance music). The Donald informs them that he wants to open an ice cream parlour right behind him. It’s called…wait for it…Trump’s Ice Cream. The ice cream industry brings in $20 billion a year, and he wants a part of it. Their task this week is to work with the Ciao Bella Gelato company to create and market a new flavour of ice cream. Of course the winning team gets a reward, and the losing team goes to the boardroom.

Mosaic decides to put their names in a hat, and draw one to be the leader. Kelly is the lucky project manager, and he says he believes there’s an advantage to being PM early in the game. Kelly decides to brainstorm for exactly 10 minutes. He checks his watch constantly during this time. Without having a definite plan for the flavour they’re working on, Kelly decides to split up the team – one side for marketing, the other to create the ice cream. They think the women will have an advantage, because ‘guys will buy anything from a pretty woman’.

Over at Apex, Ivana comes up with a little flow chart outlining their goal, which she shares with everyone. Maria decides to nominate Ivana for project manager, and she accepts, promising to be more collaborative than Bradford was. Everyone talks at once, coming up with flavours and distributors. Bradford complains that there’s too much input coming in at once.

Meanwhile, at the Ciao Bella offices, Pamela, Andy, Chris, and Kelly from Apex are learning about the ice cream-making process. Pamela asks all kinds of questions, wasting time and getting the men angry. Kelly says that he thinks Pamela likes to hear herself talk, and even the production manager seems to be a bit overwhelmed with all the questions.

Trump reminds us of the importance of being organized. If he sees that there’s a lack of organization it drives him crazy, because it means there’s a lack of leadership. There’s a joke about his hair in here somewhere, but frankly the jokes are getting stale now.

Wes, who Kelly left in charge of promotion, is back at the suite trying to sell the as-yet-undecided flavour of ice cream over the phone. He’s not having much success at all, and gets hung up on.

The Apex Corporation arrives at Ciao Bella to try and come up with a flavour idea. They brainstorm yet again, and come up with a stupid-long list of options including Old Spice, Losbter, Champagne Cocktails, and various varieties of cheese.

The marketing team at Mosaic is getting impatient, and Raj decides to call Kelly. He asks when they’ll have ice cream, and finds out it will take 14 hours at least once they come up with a flavour. Kevin tells them to just drop a candy bar or a donut into the ice cream and let’s roll. This idea turns into a vanilla/chocolate ice cream with donuts in it. They find out that they will have to spring for their own donuts, so they start calling around to the local donut shops to find a place who can meet their needs. They can’t find one store that can provide enough donuts, and they have about 25 minutes before production begins. They pile into a van and hit the local Dunkin’ Donuts shops, and buy everything in stock. Chris and Pamela laugh because some kids were crying when the donuts were bought out from under them – nice. They get over 300 donuts in 14 minutes, and make it back to Ciao Bella just in time.

Apex is still working on the flavour, and it’s 3:45. Maria suggests Red Velvet – a butter/white chocolate/cream cheese/raspberry and pecan concoction. The production manager says that they have all the ingredients in-house, so Apex just makes it on time. They decide to target restaurants to sell the ice cream to. Stacie gets frustrated and calls a temp agency to hire 5 temps to cover their manpower on the street and sell their product. She announces that she has 5 people ready to go, and the rest of her team is incredulous that she would do this. They call her a loose cannon.

The ‘flavour team’ from Mosaic arrives back at the suite, and Raj asks Pamela if the ice cream tastes good. She says ‘you could put dog feces in that ice cream and it’s gonna taste good’. Wes says that things did not go well with the sales team. Kelly says that the lack of results has lowered Wes’ value to the team. Andy thinks they should donate part of their proceeds to charity, in order to get more people to buy ice cream. Kevin would like to donate to the Leukemia Society, because his brother almost died from it. So now they’re working towards more than just winning the task – this can only be good. They decide to take some carts to Central Park in front of Toys’R'Us the next morning and ‘hustle the stuff’.

The boys leave their plans out, and when the women from Apex arrive they discover the plan. they decide to do the same thing, and sell from Times’ Square. The men are angry, and the women rub it in a little. Bradford yells out ‘hey j-dogs, when you guys grow a set of boobies you’ll be able to outsell my girls’. Bleh – this guy is too much.

The following morning, the carts are delivered and Mosaic is ready to roll. All the guys have bowties, courtesy of Raj, to have the classic ice cream parlour look. Raj wants to get some breakfast, and John won’t have it. He says that no one eats today, because it’s going to cost them more. Raj insists that he has to eat because he’s hypo-glycemic. Kelly says he’s going to allow $5 for each person to eat, and Raj goes off to eat his breakfast. He also dips into the ice cream considerably. I love this guy.

The girls are getting ready, and Bradford ancourages them to wear short skirts and play up their sex appeal. Ivana says that they’re not going for it, they’re not going to pimp themselves on the street to sell ice cream.

The men are marketing their ice cream as a breakfast treat, since it has donuts in it. this works amazingly well, and sales are brisk. The charity aspect is working out well for them too.

Apex set up their carts and start to sell. They run into some trouble when a street vendor shows up with a permit for that location, and asks them to move (not very nicely either). They bicker about where to move the carts, and eventually the carts get split up. They pass the men along the way and exchange ‘pleasantries’. Jennifer C. tells Ivana that they have to put the two carts together like the boys did. Ivana calls the other half of her team to find out where they are. Stacie says they’re on 7th, so Maria goes to fetch them. Small kink in the plan though – they’re not on 7th, they’re on Broadway. Maria goes back empty-handed, and Ivana calls again. They find out the other cart is actually on Broadway, which is right across the street from where Ivana is calling from. All together now…duh!

Over at Mosaic, sales are still great despite the horrible sales techniques of Pamela. She stands on the corner saying ‘ice cream. Ice cream folks?’. She freaks out when someone sneezes on her. Raj does an hilarious impression of Pamela (and it hits me who he reminds me of – Billy Crystal), and Kelly thinks she felt the whole thing was beneath her. Andy starts recruiting attractive women to come and scoop for them. This idea works as well, until Chris gets carried away and promises kisses from the women. Andy gets a phone number in the process, and Pamela can’t believe it. ‘Like he’s going to call her and say come on up to the suite and meet 18 of my closest friends.’

Bradford steps things up for Apex, and becomes Mr. Salesman. He’s joking with people, having a lot of fun, and bringing in sales. Jennifer C. gets on the phone and manages to get restauranteurs to come to them to buy tubs of ice cream. The stuff is flying out of their carts, and it truly seems that this will be a close race to the finish.

Mosaic finishes their sales day, and now they have to figure out how much of the cash they will donate to the Leukamia Society. Kelly suggests 5%, and Kevin just wants it to be as much as they can spare. They decide to donate $150. Kelly knows that their decision could make or break them.

In the suite, everyone relaxes for a while until it’s time to head to the boardroom for the results. Trump comes in and asks George how Apex did. They made $2472. Carolyn says that Mosaic had a profit of $2707. That means, very simply, that Mosaic wins. Trump asks Apex who their team leader is, and they say Ivana. Trump responds with ‘Oy-yoy-yoy, every time I hear that name…’ As the winner, Mosaic gets to go to some fancy-schmancy caviar restaurant for their reward. As they are all leaving, Kelly asks Mr. Trump if all of their proceeds could be donated to their designated charity, and Trump agrees.

Bradford complains that the loss to him is devastating. He tells Ivana that they lost because they were unorganized, which she of course takes exception to. Meanwhile, Mosaic is sampling obscenely expensive caviar. Pamela says that she was right in her element while the guys were awkward. Andy says that the only thing he’d had to eat all day was a 99-cent hamburger, and the next thing he’s unloading into his stomach is $4000 worth of fish eggs. They all drink and toast to one another, promising to stay friends throughout the whole thing.

The women decide to get together and decide on some names of people who failed and should go. They think Ivana didn’t take control of the team, and want to take her out. Ivana pulls Maria aside, and finds out that ‘seeds of discontent’ are being planted. Ivana decides to call a team meeting (minus Stacie). She points out that Stacie screwed up with the directions, and successfully takes the focus off of herself as the weakest link. Stacie walks in the room and asks what’s happened, and most of the girls just get up and walk away. Stacie corners Jennifer C., and says that she knows New York – Ivana set up in a dead spot. Jennifer calls Stacie out, asking where they were. Stacie says 7th again, even though they were on Broadway. Things are not well with the Apex Corporation. Jennifer C. says they all have to pack their bags, and Bradford gets cocky, pointing out that he doesn’t have to pack because he has his handy-dandy exemption.

In the boardroom, Trump points out that they lost by a considerable amount when they consider that Mosaic gave some of their proceeds to charity and had to buy ingredients. Ivana says their main problem was that they had to move their carts, and Trump suggests that they should have taken on the street vendor. Carolyn is right in her element tonight, and points out that they had 8 hours to scoop ice cream and sell it to a consumer. If she gave the task to a 10-year-old, they would have done a better job. Bradford says they overthought the project 100%. Trump said that the men looked better, and Bradford says that these girls didn’t stoop to using sex appeal. Trump says that they could have, and maybe would have won the task if they did. Carolyn says that if it wasn’t sex, they could have sold something else – a clown, balloons, anything. Instead they did nothing.

Trump asks Bradford how Ivana was, and he agrees that overall she was average. The Donald points out that Bradford can be a little bit tough because he’s exempt. Bradford says that he think he performed up to his abilities on this task, and is willing to give up his exemption. Trump accepts, and points out that he thinks it’s a stupid move on Bradford’s part, and he may get fired tonight. The rest of the team chimes in that Ivana was disorganized, lost a cart, and was generally indecisive. Ivana points fingers at Stacie, saying she gave them incorrect information about their location. George points out that the two carts were half a block away from each other, and marvels that they couldn’t see each other. Stacie says that Ivana was disorganized and things were chaotic. Ivana says that Stacie required a lot of supervision, and Stacie says she doesn’t know where this is coming from since she sold the most on the team. (What??)

Stacie says that she’s an independent person, and Trump tells her she can’t be independent when she’s part of a team. Trump goes down the line asking each person who they would fire. Everyone answers Stacie except two of them.

Ivana is then told she can bring two or three people back with her. She initially says two, then changes her mind and says three. Trump points out that she is indeed indecisive. She chooses Stacie, Jennifer C., and Bradford. Trump asks her if she’s bringing in Bradford because he made a really stupid mistake, but she doesn’t get to answer because Bradford says in hindsight that yeah, it was pretty stupid.

In the lobby, Ivana tells Bradford he has nothing to worry about. Jennifer is angry she’s there, and Ivana says she wanted to go in with a united front. Meanwhile, Trump asks his cohorts what they would do. Carolyn says that Ivana was a poor leader, and George thinks that Stacie is disliked by the rest of her team and will be a major problem. The Donald has some strong feelings of his own, so he wants to see what happens.

Robin lets the group back into the boardroom, and Trump tells Bradford that he shouldn’t be there. He says that Brad did such a good job, it’s just stupid that he’s there. Trump says that in all fairness Jennifer shouldn’t be there either. Trump questions Ivana on her choices, but agrees that Bradford was a good choice because he made a life-threatening mistake. Jennifer chimes in that she has something to say, and Trump tells her to shut up because she’s likely safe.

Stacie says she would fire Ivana because she’s a bad leader who can’t make decisions. Ivana tells Stacie she’s a liability to the team.

Trump levels with Bradford, ‘Don’t you think I should fire you?’ Of course he says no, but Trump goes on. His mistake was bigger than anyone else’s. It was a life-altering mistake. If this were a big company, what you did was just stupid. He asks Ivana if she thinks it was stupid, and she says she would never have done it. Trump thinks it was beyond what anyone else did. He thinks Bradford is the best in the room, and he thinks Ivana was a lousy leader. Trump thinks that Stacie is hated by all, not respected by anyone, and should see that. As far as Jennifer goes, she just needs to learn to keep her mouth shut.

Back to Bradford. Trump tells him he made a stupid, impulsive, life-threatening decision. If he were running a company and made that kind of decision, he would destroy the company instantaneously. Bradford, you’re fired.

Ivana holds her head in her hands and repeatedly says ‘Oh my God, Oh my God’. The room clears out, with Ivana hovering looking like she wants to say something. She finally leaves, and Bradford says he has to get his bags. He takes the elevator down to the street without his stuff.

Trump says that Bradford’s decision was so stupid that it superceded the selling of ice cream, the flavour of ice cream, and he’s very happy with his decision. Carolyn says she is as well.

Bradford gets in a cab outside, and in his parting words he gave up his exemption because he thought it was the right thing to do to show his team he was with them. He thought he would come out of it unscathed, with the respect of his team. Now it looks like he’ll be sleeping in the clothes on his back for the rest of the week.

Next week we can look forward to more drama, courtesy of Stacie. She’s certainly no Omarosa (thank heavens), but she sure knows how to create controversy!

Comments are welcome! If you have something to say, or want to write for us, drop me a line at carrie@realityshack.com.