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Crank It Up – Surreal Life 3, Episode 3

by LauraBelle

I am resolving to not take generic allergy medication anymore. By the end of tonight’s Surreal Life episode, my drug-induced state had me thinking that underneath the viking hat, and behind the flashy gold teeth, Flavor Flav is an alright guy.

As all of his housemates sleep, Dave Coulier is on the tennis court playing roller hockey. When he is done, he wakes up Flavor Flav, and together they proceed to wake the rest of the house. Charo admits to being a person who likes to sleep late, and when Flavor Flav wakes her, she says she is going to jump through a window because she just can’t take it. Flavor Flav then points to Charo’s opening robe, and asks if she’s “Got milk?” As he moves on and wakes Bridgette Nielsen, they remember the previous night in a shared bed, and decide, “They got it goin’ on.”

Dave gets the Surreal Life newspaper with the headline, “Crank It Up.” Assuming they aren’t talking about adding heat to Flavor Flav and Bridgette’s burgeoning romance, Dave reads on and finds today will be the First Battle of the Surreal Life Bands. The housemates will be split into three groups of two – Dave/Bridgette, Charo/Ryan Starr, and Flavor Flav/Jordan Knight – and will each work with professional musicians, choosing one of three songs – Born To Be Wild, Play That Funky Music White Boy, or Wild Thing. The winning band will win money that will be awarded to a charity.

Ryan interrupts Charo who is playing spoons on the countertop, as Ryan would like to get some rehearsing time in before the musicians arrive. She is facing problems as she would like to perform Born To Be Wild, but Charo has never heard of the song. As Charo is refusing to learn the song, Ryan tells her to stop being so negative. “You’re a performer; you can learn it!” Charo quickly replies no, and performs for Ryan the song she would rather do. Ryan says it’s odd, because as a Spanish singer, she would like to do a Country/Western song.

Bridgette is getting scared, and Dave tells her not to be. Although he admits they are an odd pair musically, since they are the only non-musicians in the house. I’m not sure why he figures himself to be a non-musician, since he has, and plays, a guitar and harmonica. As Bridgette shows him a dance she would like to contribute to the song, he tells the camera she wants to “do something so completely weird.” Bridgette? Wants to do something weird? Dave, how could you say such a thing?

The musicians arrive, and the housemates are shocked to find they are young ten- and eleven-year-old kids being led by Suzanne Jones, a music teacher. Jordan thinks this is a great idea, as the teams are choosing the kids they will work with sports draft style, and he thinks it will work if they choose the right kids. He hopes they don’t get stuck with Rosa, the accordion player, but she is the last one left, and they accept her willingly. Apparently Jordan thinks accordion players are too nerdy for an ex-New Kids On The Block star.

Realizing they will only have three-and-a-half hours to practice, Charo thinks she should teach them all a new song she just wrote that will be a “humongo hit”, instead of learning Born To Be Wild herself. One boy working with her and Ryan doesn’t feel they are learning anything from Charo, and wishes she would dress her age. This kid doesn’t realize there are adult women out there hoping to look half as good as Charo at her age.

Flavor Flav thinks his and Jordan’s band is having a lot of fun. He says that kids and instruments are his world. Wearing a huge clock around his neck and his viking hat, Flavor Flav tells Rosa to, “Rock it! Kill that accordion!” He has the kids follow him into the kitchen, and asks them what they would like to eat. When one boy says he would like a grilled cheese, Flavor Flav proceeds to make grilled cheese for everyone in his band. Bridgette says he is deep-hearted even though he is “wild and bad to the bone.” I think this is the most sense she has made since arriving at the house.

Bridgette is wearing a revealing leopard-print swimsuit, and Dave thinks that’s a lot for “eleven-year-olds to chew on.” Meanwhile, he admits to slipping into the Dad role. Bridgette slips into her familiar role, and takes a nap. Dave never even had to put up with the Olsen twins napping. Then again, it was a one-person role being played by twins. Maybe Bridgette needs to be twins, so that she won’t be missed while sleeping. That’s just too scary for me to even contemplate.

A Very Brady emcee arrives – it’s Barry Williams, aka Greg Brady. He introduces Bridgette and Dave’s band – Surreal Deal playing Wild Thing. Bridgette is wearing feathers and a shiny wig. She feels great on stage, and thinks the napping and resting made her kick butt.

Next up is Charo and Ryan’s band – Madison Ave. Rockers playing Born To Be Wild. After, Ryan thought the drummer was playing the tempo too fast, and that Charo was in her own little world, but you could tell she was having more fun with this then when she was singing for Simon Cowell on American Idol.

Last up is Flavor Flav and Jordan’s band – King Kold Kuts with Play That Funky Music White Boy. Jordan now admits that despite his earlier reservations, the accordion player sounds kind of funky. Rosa, herself, admits that Flavor Flav taught her she could really rock that accordion.

In a vote by applause from the child-filled audience, King Kold Kuts wins in a landslide, and pushes Barry Williams into the pool to celebrate. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought Flavor Flav and Jordan’s band with the accordion player sounded better than the Laurie Partridge wanna-bes I was forced to endure on “In Search of The Partridge Family” while waiting for Surreal Life to start. Is it too much to ask to find people that not only look like the original Partridges, but sound and act good too? Maybe they need an accordion player. But, I digress.

Sure, Flavor Flav makes many crude comments, but every one or those kids had a great day with him, and felt they learned something too. Sure, he keeps Ryan up late at night playing pool, but he makes a good grilled cheese. And for a kid, if they have fun, learn, and can eat grilled cheese, that’s all that matters.

I welcome all questions and comments at LB53064@yahoo.com

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