Yes, I am psychic. I don’t like to tell too many people, so keep it on the down-lo. I predicted that John Heffron would be the Last Comic Standing of Season 2. I just ‘knew’ that Rob was going to propose to Amber at the Survivor All-Stars finale. I knew that Johnny Fairplay’s grandma wasn’t dead.
The Donald’s hair, I predicted it would thin out. I also knew that Tammy Nakimura of Trading Spouses would be annoying. I even knew that the Liza Minnelli/David Gest show (and marriage) wouldn’t work out.
I can’t explain how I do it. I just do.
Yes, I am amazing and a bit of a b**ch. Despite that, I want to give you my reality tv predictions for the foreseeable future. (And when you’re psychic like I am, foreseeable is a very long time.)
Here goes nothing:
FOX will steal another reality tv concept from ABC, NBC or A&E Television.
Raj, from Season 2 of the Apprentice, will become a fashion designer when the season ends. He’ll start selling his Charlie Chaplin inspired, vaudeville clothes. The line will be called Duds and will be, well, a dud.
The next season of the Bachelor will result in yet another failed relationship.
The Apprentice’s ratings will drop because Joey, although good, is just not as strong of a lead-in as Friends was.
Be on the lookout for a new show starring billionaire Bill Gates. It’ll be called, America’s Next Computer Geek. Only trekkies and computer geeks will watch it.
Michael Jackson will try to pitch a reality tv show to anyone who will listen. Networks will politely pass because no one can pass off Jacko’s life as “remotely real”.
Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony will pitch a reality tv idea to VH-1 or MTV to follow their divorce. Ben Affleck, P-Diddy and all her exes will guest star.
NASA is exploring MARS at the behest of Mark Burnett. He’s asked them to scout locations for Survivor 15: The Red Planet.
Louie Anderson, John Pinette and other overweight comics will star in a show called Next Comic Walking.
I will leave y’all with that. If you wish to receive psychic updates, stay tuned to the Reality Shack, or just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’ll be expecting you.