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Meet the Chapmans – Episode 1

Duane “Dog” Chapman and his family are not your average, run of the mill clan. They look like bikers and thugs, but they’re on the right side of the law. Yup! Dog was once a sargeant-at-arms for a bike gang. He ended up in a Texas penitentiary in the 1970s. He turned over a new leaf, but, at least he kept his biker chic fashion sense. Not every man can carry off a Hulk-Hogan impression and get away with it like Dog can.

Dog has been on the other side of the law since he ‘found religion’ . He’s been a Bounty Hunter ever since. What’s a Bounty Hunter you may ask? And I would scoff at you, because apparently you never watched [b]Star Wars[/b]. Bobba Fett was a bounty hunter. Bounty hunters catch criminals for money.

Dog’s business is called [b]Da Kine Bonds[/b]. They ‘guarantee’ capture of bond skippers (people who don’t show up for court-appointed dates, etc.) When they make the apprehension, they get the money. It’s how Dog and Beth support their family.

Together, they have three kids, ages 11, 5 and almost 3. Dog has twelve kids overall, but doesn’t see many of them. Leland, his 27-year-old son, does work with him. They’re quite close (and you’ll see more of that special relationship in Episode 2 — yes, that’s what we call a teaser, folks!! Some say ‘spoiler’ but that’s so negative.)

This time, they’ve gotta catch another Chapman. I was all confused. Too many Chapmans, so little time. Floyd Chapman is NOT related to Dog. He spent ten years in an Oklahoma prison and just missed a court date. He’s nowhere to be found.

Well, Dog’s good at ‘sniffing out’ the leads. He’s also good at catching ‘thieves’ and criminals. He says, “it takes a liar to catch a liar.”

He calls up Floyd’s mama and gets the digits for where Floyd’s staying. Then, Dog’s crew matches that info up with the 411 they got and BINGO! They’ve got an address. Floyd’s with his pregnant wife and his in-laws not too far away.

Dog & crew pray before the capture mission begins. As I said, Dog found religion and he doesn’t intend to lose it before he jumps into danger. He’s a very vigilant, watch DOG. (Sorry, the puns just write themselves!)

They chase down Floyd, who tried to run, of course. I’ve seen enough episodes of [b]Cops[/b] to know that. Dog’s team brings Floyd in, but not before giving him a pep talk and some special treatment. They want him to feel special. Dog is not just about catching criminals. He wants to rehabilitate them ‘cuz he’s been there and he believes, as his grandpappy used to say, ‘never leave anything you catch in worse shape than you got it in.’

He also shows that when, after the apprehension, he and his family go to the beach. They live in Hawaii and well, who wouldn’t go to the beach there? My God! The scenery is gorgeous.

Bonnie, Dog & Beth’s five year old pup (Okay! I’ll try to stop now), catches a Hawaiian state fish. Dog makes her put it back in the ocean. He’s like Ward Cleaver in couture by Ozzy Osborne.

I can’t wait to write up next week’s review. (I’ve already seen it…I’ve already seen it!!!)

Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos
If you want the scoop on the next episode, contact me and I’ll taunt you some more. Email me at panndyra@yahoo.com

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