I was all geared up for a grand finale showdown. I mistakenly assumed because we were down to the final two — Melissa & Tanika — that the show was going to be over this week. It’s not that I am not entertained, but well..frankly….I’m getting tired of this show.
Andy whines all the time. So now I’m going to whine about Andy’s whining. Yes, I see the irony there. I really do. However….it’s my review & I’ll whine if I want to.
Andy started the show off by reading a letter from a former Assistant contestant who begged to return to the showl. Guess who’s making a comeback? No, it’s not Nikeda again. It’s Mark. (Remember Andy booted him because he made Mr. Dick look like a …well, dick, on Japanese television.)
Andy tells the Assistants to watch over his dish. Glenn Close gave him a dish. It’s him in the nude, looking all buff, with some cats on either side. Well, I thought Ms. Close had better taste than that. However, she did also play Cruella DeVil in 102 Dalmations. Oy! That was a stinker.
Andy didn’t want to be disturbed during his therapy session. I’m not surprised that his therapist makes house calls. Before the therapist shows up, Dave Navarro drops by. Andy sounds surprised, but this had to be soooooooooooo contrived. Guess what? Navarro interrupts Andy’s session repeatedly. Andy yells at his assistants, of course. Dave also breaks the “dish”. YUP! He breaks the dish.
After Dave and his Jane’s Addiction drummer have an impromptu jam session with pots as drums, Andy has a meltdown and tells his assistants to get rid of Dave. Dave goes off and gifts two guitars and a painting to Tanika, Melissa & Mark.
Andy breaks the acoustic guitar that Mark was given. What an a$$!
The clipping ceremony was a rip off of Fear Factor. There are two stunts. The first was a complete joke. The assistants had to walk across a thin pole which was placed over Andy’s pool, carrying a cup of coffee and a script. Mark and Tanika nailed the stunt. Melissa fell into the water.
The second stunt was stupid. Completely unneccessary. He had them spin the wheel and eat “gross” stuff like day old brownies and gas station hot dogs. Mark & Melissa got thru their food easily. Tanika got a head-cheese pop. GROSS! I’ll take the pig uterus, puh——lease…..
She couldn’t eat it and got clipped. Kind of unfair, but oh well, it’s Holly-weird as Andy says. When Andy’s in it, Hollywood is very weird.
Next week is the finale. Melissa and Mark must endure more of Andy’s diva demands and pendulum-swinging moods. I can’t wait — until it’s over.
Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos
—Email me if you disagree with me. I don’t mind. I love a good e-argument.