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Country Roads, Take Me Home….

The Simple Life 2 – Episode 10, The Season finale

Driving forever…crazy screams when the girls encounter a large moth in the cab of their truck. Nicole tries to brutally murder it with her Channel purse…then chases it out the window. After all they have done so far, a moth still has the ability to bring the entire trip to a stand still – but I must be honest here, though my life is NOTHING like Paris and Nicole’s, finding no matter how small a spider in my car, forces me to throw the vehicle into park in the middle of the street as I leap out into traffic! J

The final leg of the trip! One more job and they’re home! But, slight problem…they’re out of gas! Paris attempts to look under the hood, for who knows what. Can’t get the hood open, and too many bugs, stuck in the middle of no-where, late at night!

Fortunately, a nice family, large family, pull up in their minivan, and rescue Nicole and Paris from the street. The family owns the ranch that they are in the middle of, in Kerville Texas. Missy, Tourism Director at the YAO Ranch, takes the girls back to their truck to fill it up with gas. She puts them in the back of a pick-up and off they go…until the girls go crazy because they think they’ve seen a bug! Missy implies they need to toughen up, or they will not survive this job. (she’s a very serious young lady…I think she needs to lighten up, just a smidge!)

Breakfast first, Missy tricks Paris and Nicole into thinking they are going to be served breakfast of their choice….Naw, not on a working ranch.

Missy starts to tell the girls about their next job, an overnight job! They’re going to have to ride horses to their destination, and Paris has a bit of a panic attack about having to ride again She flashes back to the ‘accident’ earlier in their trip. Whatever! Missy quickly tells Paris that she should get back up and try again. You can’t NOT get back on the horse. She seems to have little sympathy, even when Paris recounts being flown out to the hospital in a helicopter. Hi, you’re Paris Hilton…you could have skinned your knee and gotten the same result!

Before they leave, they have to first ‘brand’ the cows. Paris, being the animal activist that she is, refuses to hurt the cow, and instead they opt to brand the cows with lipstick…which of course leads to some makeup on the cows faces! Their favourite is Bill the cow!

Now, time to get on the horse. Paris is having a moment, when finally she ‘cowboys up’, and climbs aboard. She’s ok! Off on their first trail ride. Nicole, of course, mouthing off to the cows to get them moving. Paris praises them with a singsong ‘gooood cows’.

Not far along, the girls start complaining…whining…wanting to take a nap or eat. They even discuss a breakout, and actually find a hiding spot to take a break. Murph is calling, and Missy finds them behind the trees. She gives them CRAP, and somehow manages to smarten them up. Back to the cows they go, to round up the cows, and get them all behind the fence! Success!! And praise from tough Missy if you can believe that!!

Campfire and s’mores after a long day on the ranch. Paris and Nicole try to comprehend the ranchers’ way of life. How could someone NOT want to see LA, Miami and New York? And, I must give Nicole credit, she actually scores a point for saying ‘we came out here to see’. For a millisecond, Nicole is wise and bigger than anyone else in the area. But we all know that will fade!! Yes, the minute a bug flies by and the girls start flailing and screaming again!

Daybreak the next morning, Missy wakes the sleeping beauties from their tent. Back on the trail. Paris rides up front with Murph, and starts asking him about where they are going and why. They’re off to ‘slaughter’. Emotional moment for Paris and Nicole.

Pay for 1 day instead of 2, because they slacked. The girls try to give the money back to Murph, and buy their favourite cow and save his life. They offer to pay double in fact, and Bill the cow is saved! And Missy is glad to see the girls go…they’ve cost the ranch more money than they should have. As they borrow $20 from Murph for gas!

But, next stop, HOME! Paris and Nicole are on their way to their final destination. ‘Highlight Flashbacks’ as the girls reminisce.

Arriving home, press everywhere, Paris greets the cameras with ‘hi everyone, we’re home’. Small clips with Paris’s sister suggesting Paris would have missed her cell phone the most…and then showing Paris’s mom and dad the home away from home.

To all of you who said we couldn’t do it, we did it!

Sunning by the pool, the butler brings Bill the cow into the yard – happily delivered by UPS. Bill’s first move in his rich backyard, nailing Paris in the stomach with his horn! She loves those animals, but the ones big enough to fight back, seem to hate her!

Welcome home girls!

Stacey 😯


Freelance writer, webmaster of realityshack.com, chief editor at applemagazine.com, contribtor to TechLife News and maketecheasier.com, martial arts instructor, and mother of two.