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Bad Girls, Bad Girls…Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

The Simple Life 2 – Episode 9

Paris and Nicole are driving through South Central Texas, on their way to meet the next family – The Click Family, on their ranch. Horses, cows, a couple of dogs. A friendly retired couple, discovering their peace and quiet with their son Elton. Serenity on the Click Ranch, the family discusses their calm lives, when what on the horizon does appear? A pink pick up truck tearing up the dirty road, Paris and Nicole squealing all the way!

Bob (Papa Click) meets the girls at the front door, does general introductions, and breaks into his speech about peace and quiet on the Ranch… when Paris and Nicole’s dogs break into an all out cat fight on the couch – of course breaking the girls into giggles.

Papa Click wants to take the girls on a tour of the property in his jeep. Who wants to drive next? Nicole! Wasn’t she the one who wasn’t allowed to drive? Fortunately, Nicole cannot drive a stick shift, and after a brief attempt, gives up and hands the wheel back to Bob. On their drive home, Nicole and Paris drill Bob about his relationship with his wife Gayle; how they met, does he love her, do they *!$#*?

Gayle (Mama Click), is going to teach the girls how to cook…cheese dip! The girls would rather know about Gayle’s interpretation of her marriage. She talks openly with them, and admits, with a military man, there is NO romance. It’s actually rather sad. But, there’s a Cookout to get to….

Family Cookout – a strange man at the cookout, breaks out a guitar and starts singing a love song. Bad slow down editing, drifting between Bob and Gayle, Nicole and Paris want to help the Clicks, rediscover their love. They trap Bob in the kitchen, and tell him the details to winning a girl’s heart; how to dress, what many, many things he needs to buy her, and perhaps some furry handcuffs! Naw, a poem! Shucks! And, to make matters worse, the girls feel that he should ‘practice’ the poem, in front of the mirror and a picture of them together. They even suggest trying to squeeze out a few tears. Bob, ex-military man, doesn’t feel he can do that. BUT, he will read the poem, bad, bad poem, that the girls have written! Brought tears to my eyes!

The next morning, off to their next job!! Some stupid town, is about to make Paris and Nicole, ‘Deputies’ at the local sheriff station!! After far too quickly going through their equipment (less guns, thank god!), the girls change (barely modifying their uniforms), and are deputized…followed by a quick improv dance to the theme from Cops, sung by a dancing gopher. Strange little town!

Quick make-up touch up, the girls are going into the jail to serve food to the criminals. Hmmmmmm, interesting! No fear…. Paris singsongs ‘Lunch is here’. The girls chat with the prisoners, I think trying to make them feel better…and Nicole even breaks bread with one of the inmates, and invites one back to their home if he happens to get out tonight – after having been instructed NOT to speak to the inmates.

Next duty, writing parking tickets. They are actually given a CAR (and told not to touch anything, AS they actually touch everything), and off they go, Nicole hollering and belching over the loud speaker! They of course, stop for donuts! They also stop 3 men from drinking on the street, by making them ‘chug’. Then off for an ice cream, and a quick shopping spree, ‘because we’re cops, we don’t have to pay’.

Then they get back in the car, and believe it or not, they are actually pulling people over!!!! Totally out of hand….IF it wasn’t staged!

Back to the ‘office’, their badges are taken away! But, they do get paid for a day’s work, while Chief Deputy Matt King just hopes HE still has a job.

Back at the Ranch, Bob decks the house out with candles, gets all dappered up, and greets his wife at the door. A romantic meal together, Bob tries to share his feelings with Gayle…. Oh, he recites the poem! Gayle actually looks like she might cry at points….. she’s totally drained of romance! Bob ends by telling us, he thinks Gayle might actually get lucky tonight! Well, lucky, lucky Gayle!

Good-byes at the door, and Nicole leaves the Click’s with a pair of stolen handcuffs!

1299 miles to go….

Stacey 😯


Freelance writer, webmaster of realityshack.com, chief editor at applemagazine.com, contribtor to TechLife News and maketecheasier.com, martial arts instructor, and mother of two.