I’m trying to atone for titling one of the feed recaps with that horrible Margaritaville song by giving this one the title of a great tune by Pop Will Eat Itself. Plus, it’s fitting on so many levels. Am I forgiven?
So last night we had an evening full of debauchery, led by Natalie the former stripper who loves god, bikinis, and coffee. That just never gets old, does it? Today I’m expecting a lot of rehash conversations, and a discussion about how much of that (if any) will be shown on TV, which will lead to the inevitable (and incorrect) conclusion that the ratings must be going through the roof. Let’s see if I’m right.
It’s a slow morning, as Joshuah gets up first, followed by Sheila and Alex. Sheila seems to be trying to find a loophole in the whole “couples” theme, asking about the specifics of what BB told them. She’s got some nail polish, and is writing “Hudson” – and then we get flames. When we come back a couple of minutes later, the paper towel is gone. No idea what that was all about.
Other people are waking up now, and drinking coffee out of bowls. The sun is shining, so there are a few people putting on their swimsuits to catch some rays. Not much to report on here. BB issues a wakeup call at 11am.
Sharon and Josh talk about the vote. It sounds like they’re still set on keeping Alex and Amanda, and both of them say that they trust Amanda now. Silly hamsters. I think Sharon just enjoyed making out with Alex last night and doesn’t want to send him home now.
Speaking of which, Amanda and Matt are in the kitchen discussing the prior evening’s events. Amanda is trying to act cool about Alex and Sharon’s kissing, but she’s sure talking about it a lot. Natalie comes out saying that she feels fine this morning because she drank a lot of water before she went to bed. The fact that they didn’t really have all that much alcohol might have something to do with it as well.
Matt and Natalie head for the storage room, where Matt coaches Natalie on what she should say to Joshuah and Sharon. He wants her to remind them of everything Amanda has pulled since the beginning, and mention that she plays the “dad” thing up for sympathy. Matt is emphasizing how this is all up to Natalie now, to ensure their safety. He tells her to watch Amanda, and not let her get any alone time with Joshuah and Sharon.
Ah-ha. Here we go. Natalie goes outside to sit with Joshuah, who is gabbing with Allison and Alex about last night. They all think that the ratings for BB: After Dark must be â€¦ you guessed it â€¦ through the roof. Alex thinks they should be interviewed live on Showtime tonight about everything that went down. Because apparently Alex doesn’t understand the whole point of BB:AD.
Lot of intermittent flames today, because of the small talk. For example, Allison once dated a pro golfer whose name is â€¦ flames. Amanda had a friend who perished in a wood chipper â€¦ flames. Matt went out with this girl â€¦ flames. I get why they have to do this, but wood-chipper guy could hardly sign a release, so we should have got a pass on that one.
Most of the guys decide that it’s time to work out. Alex and Natalie are playing basketball. Sheila’s gone back inside because she’s decided that she’s fried herself sufficiently for the day. Again, not much going on. At least not much that would make for interesting reading. BB calls an outdoor lockdown, so everyone’s outside now.
Amanda and Natalie decide to do water aerobics in the pool, after both attempting to lift weights and failing miserably. That could be because the guys gave them 95 pounds to lift on their first try. Ryan gets in the pool too, and ends up talking with Natalie about how much of last night’s festivities will be shown on TV, and how they must be the most outrageous hamsters in the history of the show. Sigh. Natalie actually says that it wasn’t that bad – she didn’t show her boobs much. What the eff? Her twins got more camera time than most of the other houseguests combined. Ryan is a little concerned that Jen will dump him because of it.
There’s a pool game going on, some people are stretching and doing yoga on towels, and others are just sitting around watching. Like me. Just sitting around watching. I need to get out more.
Sheila thinks she has figured out the “Hudson River” thing. The exact quote is ” Hudson River Virus: those that are affected by it will be isolated from the outside world.” So she thinks that those evicted are flown to New York, because that’s where the Hudson River is.
The lockdown is over, and Allison and Matt are talking alliances. Allison offers that James and Chelsia told her that they’re in a partnership with Joshuah and Sharon. Well yeah they told her that, because she and Ryan are supposed to be a part of it. Oy. She floats the idea of a 6-person alliance with her and Ryan, Sheila and Adam, and Mattalie. She says she has to talk to Ryan about it, of course. Matt is all over this idea, and says that whatever Amanda offers her to stay, he’ll offer more. She wants him to promise not to put her/Ryan up if they win HoH next week, which he does. Hasn’t he promised just about everyone that now?
Upstairs, James, Chelsia, Joshuah, and Sharon are talking about Allison and how they’re nervous because she’s spending so much time with Amanda. Chelsia plans to ask her about it later. They still think that they’ll be able to save Alex and Amanda, and plan to tell them at the last minute that they’re safe as long as they offer them safety in return if they win HoH. Wanna know what the rest of the plan is? Win alternate HoH’s for the rest of the game. Yep, that’s a winner all right.
Joshuah is peeved that Alex told a sob story about losing his dad on 9-11, but didn’t tell them that he got a settlement afterwards. Josh seems to think that this settlement was worth at least a million dollars, but probably closer to six million. Please. First of all, who in the world would have come up with the cash to give settlements of $6 million to all of the survivors of 9-11 victims? Second of all, why does that make losing his dad any easier? Josh doesn’t like that Alex carries that cross around with him all the time for sympathy (the one that’s made out of metal from the Twin Towers).
Now they’re plotting how to make people on slop miserable. They want to get on a team with Alex and Amanda next week for the food comp and lose it on purpose. Then, they’ll take all of the pickles and honey and all of the other approved slop-condiments, and hide them in the HoH room to make things worse for A & A. Very clever. Hide food from the girl who passed out from low blood sugar. Idiots. Someone mentions that they should hide everything with sugar in it the day before the HoH comp so Amanda can’t possibly win. Finally Sharon tells them they’re going too far. Yay for Sharon.
Matt is telling Allison that he made the finals for that horrible Tila Tequila show, but decided to do BB instead. Lucky us.
Joshuah and Sharon hit the storage room and stress out over Allison’s newfound relationship with Amanda. Which isn’t all that bad when you consider that the plan is to vote out Matt and Natalie anyway, so why are they all concerned about the vote? These two (and most of the rest of them, I guess) haven’t yet figured out that strategies have to be flexible. You can’t plan out the rest of the game in week two.
Heh, Ryan just came outside and said that he was called to the DR, and Amanda told him to tell them she’s not feeling well again. He says, “Oh god, I think Amanda’s dying again.” I know, I know. I gave the others shit for making fun of Amanda’s near-death experience, but this guy isn’t plotting to take her down again. There’s a difference, even if it’s a subtle one. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Joshuah and Chelsia get Allison upstairs in the HoH room, and immediately start in on her about her new BFF Amanda. Allison says that Amanda thinks they have a bond now because they were both rushed to the hospital on the same night. She doesn’t trust Amanda though, and tells them all not to worry, she hasn’t made any deals. Ultimately, she says, the decision will be Ryan’s. Oh sure, leave your partner responsible. Allison says that, ideally, Matt and Natalie will go this week, then Alex and Amanda, and then Sheila and Adam. Chelsia agrees, and tells everyone not to worry because she won’t let Alex and Amanda win HoH next week. I’d really like to know how, since she can’t play.
Allison throws out a scenario where they keep Matt and Natalie this week, but Chelsia won’t even consider it. Allison leaves and James comes up, so Joshuah and Chelsia go for the instant drama and tell him that Allison seems to be flipping and that they’re really worried. Joshuah is visibly shaken, which isn’t all that unusual or surprising for Josh. James tells Joshuah to bring it all out in the open – both deals that Allison has made with Matt/Natalie and Alex/Amanda. Then let her try and wriggle her way out of it. Don’t see how that will help much, but whatever.
Allison goes to Natalie and tells her about the conversation she just had with Joshuah and Chelsia. She confirms that she’s with Mattalie and Sheila/Adam. I applaud Allison for actually playing the game, but she’s really overplaying her hand right now. Just shut the hell up and wait it out a bit.
Joshuah goes right to Amanda and tells her not to trust Allison, because she’s going to vote Amanda and Alex out this week. Amanda is scared now, because she thinks that Sheila will follow along and do whatever Allison tells her to do.
Ryan and Allison take to the hammock to discuss the vote. Ryan thinks that they should team up with Matt and Natalie, and Allison acts like this is a fabulous and new idea that she hadn’t considered. Now she’s even playing her partner – you know, the one she was afraid was going to make deals without including her? She tells him to go and talk to Matt, and make a deal with him. Ryan says that he likes and trusts James and Chelsia, but he’s not keen on Joshuah and Sharon.
Ryan is unsure, because he feels badly going against James and Chelsia and Josh and Sharon, after they all kept him in the game and sent Jen and Parker home. He wants to make an alliance with Matt and Natalie, but also knows that if Sharon and Joshuah win HoH, they’re screwed. Allison coaches him to stay non-committal then, and not tell anyone how he’s voting. Then he can take all the time he needs to think about their options, and no one can come back on him about it.
I much prefer the strategy sessions to the stripping and hot tub shenanigans, don’t you? More coming up in part two!
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