Alex and Sheila have a little strategy meeting. He’s proud that his personal strategy of not being the hottest or loudest guy in the house is working. You can plan to not be the hottest guy in the house? Sheila gives him props for fading into the woodwork, and says that she’s glad they’re working together.
Adam is replaced by Allison, who is complaining about Jen. I know! Shocker! She says that Ryan told her that Jen told him (are you following this?) that she’s got to be the hottest girl he’s ever been with. And apparently Ryan is planning to propose to her at the finale. That’s been done Ry, and you know how well it worked out for Booger, right?
Most of the hamsters are in the kitchen talking about cars and their home states. Matt says that Boston is a famous state. Ah yes, the state of Boston. It’s somewhere between the state of Matt’s mental incompetence and the state of drunkenness I need to hit to be able to tolerate these people.
Sharon and Alex hang out and talk. Alex says that he’s done with Amanda and won’t bug her about the way she dresses any more. Sharon makes fun of Parker for flipping off the cameras and refusing to go to the diary room. Oh, right, his little media defiance thing. I guess we’re supposed to believe that he’ll be able to keep his mouth shut when asked about the other people in the house and his experiences in there. We’ll see how long that lasts.
Natalie and Joshuah are in the hot tub (where Josh lives in the evenings). They’re dishing about Amanda and how she compares herself, looks-wise, to the other girls in the house. Nat tells Josh about Amanda apologizing and denying that she said anything she was accused of. Joshuah says that when Jen and Amanda are gone, there will be a much different atmosphere in the house. He laughs at Amanda telling them all to “watch the tapes,” as if CBS is going to give them all a pile of recordings from the entire season. Thank you Joshuah.
Matt is trying to work his self-proclaimed Casanova status into his strategy somehow. He tells Parker that he’ll get Natalie to tell Josh that she wants Allison gone because she’s jealous of all the flirting. He adds that Joshuah will love it because he’s a girl anyway and is into all of that romance shit. Sometimes the jokes write themselves.
Sheila and Allison sit and talk in the bathroom, as they normally do in the evenings. Hey, if my bathroom looked like that I might spend more time in it too. Anyway, it appears that Chelsia and Joshuah are the only two that believe in the lesbian story. Sheila says that she had to tell Joshuah that Allison and Matt might have a past relationship of some sort (the Boston connection) that Sheila doesn’t know about, and that worries her. They’re concerned that Josh will be mad when he learns the truth. Well yeah, I’d worry about that too.
They eventually decide that one of them will win HoH, and then tell Joshuah the truth. Hopefully he’ll be cool with it, but if he’s not then they’ll have to nominate him and Sharon for eviction. There are a couple of flaws with this plan. First, you can’t bank on winning HoH. Second, what if they do that and whoever else is nominated are the ones who leave? Then Joshuah not only feels lied to, but also targeted. Not smart.
Natalie and Parker are now in the sauna together, bitching about Allison. Their main complaint is that she’s so confident. She has no right to be confident, because it pisses everyone off. Also, she’s been campaigning and scheming to stay in the house. I know, it’s horrendous, isn’t it? Being in the BB house and actually playing the damn game? What is the girl thinking? Parker and Natalie decide that they’re going to try and get her to say something bad about someone, and then go to that person and tell them what she said. That way Allison won’t have so many friends in the house. I swear, these people learned their social and strategic skills in grade three and never moved past that.
Parker is apparently going to go after James next week (I’m not sure how, when he’s no longer in the house, but let’s play along anyway). The reason James is public enemy #1 is because of his pink shorts. Which, you know, I’m not a fan of either. But maybe there are bigger fish for Parker to fry. He says that he’s going to read all of the blogs when he gets home. Hey Parker, thanks for checking in. He also doesn’t care if the viewers hate him, and neither does Natalie. Oh Natalie, we don’t hate you. You’re too hilarious. She doesn’t understand how to find “all of the blogs” though.
Sharon, Joshuah, Jen, and Ryan are chit-chatting about Jen wanting to move to Boca Raton. She babbles on about herself and how she’s going to be a teacher, and then she and Ryan leave the room. Sharon and Josh immediately crack up, and Sharon says she thinks she hates Jen as much as Josh hates Amanda. Speaking of Amanda, she must be soaking in hair dye or something, because I haven’t seen her in a while. And that’s really unusual.
Joshuah tells Sharon about Sheila and Allison being lesbian lovers. Ruh roh. He says he’s the only one who knows, so she can’t say anything to anyone. Sharon’s reaction is shock at first, and then she just keeps giggling. I kind of like Sharon when she’s not yapping up a storm. She has to cover her mouth when Parker wanders in, and he’s apparently angry that BB hasn’t called him into the DR today. Even though he’s on strike and wouldn’t go anyway. Way to go, BB!
Sheila goes to bed, and Allison heads off for the DR. The rest of the house congregates outside, where they talk about their most embarrassing moments. Natalie tells a disgusting story involving a big bottle of wine, vomit, other bodily functions, passing out amid the results of said bodily functions, and yes, the story ends in having sex. Nas-tee.
Oh look! There’s Amanda! She’s fully clothed – long pants, hideous sweater. And she’s pretty quiet too. I guess she got her meds. She decides it’s time to go inside to bed. Who is this person, and what have they done with the crazy lunatic that was bearing her name earlier? Joshuah goes inside as well, followed soon after by Parker and Jen.
Josh and Allison end up talking in one of the bedrooms, and Allison says that she’s had his back since day one. She adores him and wants him to get to the end, and she’ll do all she can to help him. She knows that she can’t win, because everyone else thinks that awarding the money to Ryan would also mean letting Jen win, and they can’t have that.
During this conversation, Jen and Parker are eavesdropping at the door. They rush down to talk to Sharon, to complain that Allison and Sheila are trying to sway Joshuah to their side and that Sharon has to stop it. Sharon says that she’s missed a lot by not being in the house the entire time, so she’s left this week’s vote up to Joshuah because he knows what’s been happening. Parker says that Sharon still needs to get her ass in and talk to Josh, because he’s being manipulated.
A little while later, Allison is sitting with Sheila and telling her the same exact thing she just told Josh. Sheila is touched and starts crying. Wow – Allison has more game than I thought she did! They discuss Jen telling everyone that her boyfriend is racist, and wonder why on earth she would do that to him when she knows it’ll be on TV. Allison kisses ass, telling Sheila that she’s taught her so much already about playing the game. Okay Allison, you need to know when to stop. Now would be good.
Eventually, it looks like people are getting ready for bed. Chelsia and Matt are goofing off, and Allison joins in. Matt seems to like the attention he’s getting from both women as he jokes around and pretends to mack on both of them. He leaves for a minute, and Chelsia climbs in bed with Natalie.
Matt returns, looks at his bed, and instead of climbing in, he goes to lay down beside Adam. James comes in, sees the opportunity, and jumps in bed with Chelsia and Nat. And then â€¦ Chelsia and James start playing with Natalie’s boobs. Yeah, I’m serious. They’re talking about the things you can do with big boobs. Then Chelsia suggests that they all masturbate at the same time. James loves the idea, but Natalie says something about not wanting to “peel the banana,” referring to Adam, and the mood is lost. Gee, that’s too bad.
The chatter turns to lap dances, and James wants Natalie to give Chelsia one. Looks like almost everyone is awake now, as Sheila comes in and crawls into bed beside Matt. Parker arrives and gets into Sharon and Joshuah’s bed. This lasts for a while until everyone tires of musical beds, and heads to their own. Chelsia and James stay up talking for at least an hour, but they’re whispering and it doesn’t sound like anything all that interesting.
Parker decides to end his strike, and heads down to the DR before going to bed. I wonder if he’ll still refuse to do any press when he gets the boot on Wednesday?
You can get the live feeds yourself, with two weeks free, right here: Watch Big Brother 9 on SuperPass!
For more info on Big Brother, check out SirLinksALot: Big Brother 9.