Diet Pepsi … check. Remote control … check. Laptop … check. Something stronger on hand to drink in case things get ugly/boring/nauseating … check. I’m ready to watch tonight’s episode of Big Brother 9! Join me, won’t you?
Recap, recap, recap. I was hoping to see Natalie say, “I love bikinis, coffee, and god!” again, but no luck. How hilarious is that? Rehash of the shocking soul mate twist. Oh look, Jen and Parker won the Power Couple title. Let’s move on.
Parker: “We are the power couple. We’re like Brad and Angelina.” Oh dear. Jen’s just happy that she can keep Ryan and their secret safe. Parker seems to be leaning towards Sheila and Adam. Sharon DR’s that she’s happy because she connected with Parker right away. Adam DR’s something, but who the hell knows what he’s saying – the twitching and buggy eyes are way too distracting.
Ooooh, Adam wants to open a hair salon for special needs kids, “so the retards can get it together and get their hair done.” Dude, that’s SO un-PC. And then we get to see him eat something straight out of the fridge with his mouth open. What a charmer.
Hee – Alison looks a bit smitten with Ryan, asking him if she’s his type. Yep, her DR confirms it. She’s crushin’. This is followed by a teary DR from Jen. Ugh. Why are they trying to pretend they aren’t together anyway? Is there a purpose here?
Wow, Alex looks cute in glasses! Looks like he and Amanda are getting along well. Amanda says she’s open to the idea that he could be her soul mate. That’s her first mistake – trusting that BB actually knew what they were doing putting the two of them together.
Jacob’s outside talking to Caveman Adam and Ryan, saying that he trusts the two of them and Alex. Then, he DR’s that he likes to “turn the chicken up.” What? Then he goes on and on about how he hates the “power couple” and wants them gone. Whoops. Ryan’s going to share this, of course. But wait, Jen’s with them now too, and Jacob is still yapping about how much he hates Parker. Dumbass.
Jacob says that everyone thinks Parker’s a snake. Jen decides to go inside, and she tells Parker what’s going on. Parker goes outside and confronts Jacob, who admits to saying he’s a snake, and that others are saying it to. When Jacob won’t name names, Parker goes through the house waking everyone else up to find out what’s going on. He asks them who called him a snake, and no one says a word. Jacob still won’t give anyone up, and everyone gets on his case. Poor Sharon knows what’s going to happen now.
Nightvision. Sharon and Jacob, with Sharon saying that she’s scared that this is going to backfire because he’s in his own little “Jacob world.” He seems to think that he’s done a good job of stirring things up. Or, you know, turning the chicken up.
Parker calls Sharon up to chat. Sharon says she knows who it was who called Parker a snake. After much guessing, he figures out that it was Ryan. She thinks that this will save her and Jacob, and Parker DR’s that keeping Ryan in the game isn’t a priority now. But then Parker goes to Jen and tells her what Sharon said. Jen, in some kind of twisted logic, decides that the only way to save Ryan is to come clean to Parker. Good grief. She stresses that she always has Parker’s back, and in the end she wants the pair of them to win. Parker promises not to say anything to anyone. Jen thinks that they have the game in the bag. Because she apparently has great game, blowing the twist before the first week is even up.
Ryan finds out that Parker knows, so he tells Alison. Oh. My. God. These people are dumbasses. At least Alison is smart enough to realize that this is going to impact her game. Hee – she DR’s that Ryan would be better off with someone like her, who’s less jealous and catty. Love it!
The TV Screen of Doom reads, “Eviction Today.” This is apparently a very big deal. And just like that, it’s time for the eviction ceremony. Parker says that some housemates didn’t feel comfortable with one of the couples. Jen starts crying, and says that it’s hard because the girl in the couple didn’t do anything wrong. Jen keeps sobbing as Jacob and Sharon are named. Sharon looks pissed. Hugs all around, and the first eliminated couple is gone. Jen? Still weeping.
Sheila realizes that the reason she’s still in the house is because of Jen and Parker, but she’s worried that Adam will do something stupid. I would be too. Adam says that he’s got a lot further than he thought already. That’s never a good sign.
Now it’s time to run animatedly into the backyard for the HoH competition. The door is covered in a giant heart that reads “Tunnel of Love” and there are boats everywhere. Jen and Parker are able to compete, because they’re the Power Couple, not HoH’s. BB has brought Eric and Jessica back from last season to host the comp. They look cute, but meh. And yes, they’re still together.
The comp is like the Newlywed Game – the couples have to answer questions separately, and then they compare answers to see how many they’ve matched. What is up with Jessica’s eyebrows? They look like big hairy black caterpillars or something. Everyone gets the first question points. Jen and Parker are having a lot of fun with this, and Ryan doesn’t look happy at all. I’m not going to recap all the questions, but they’re pretty funny. Even Sheila seems to be enjoying herself.
Eventually Amanda and Alex become the first HoH couple. They do actually seem to like each other, so maybe this just proves that. Alison is worried that now she has to play for herself and Ryan, and also Parker and Jen. She says that Jen would be the last person she’d want to trust in the game, and is tempted to reveal their secret just to put a target on her. Dun dun dun.
That’s pretty much it for this episode. Who will Alex and Amanda nominate? Check here if you really want to know!
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