| Last we saw SloppySnooki, she was in the back of an Italian police car after careening her car into a different police car. The boys were on their way to bring her license, but they got stuck in traffic. SloppySnooki is upset mostly because she’s embarrassed to be in the back of a police car for a second time. Not because she and SloppyDeena might go to Italian jail.
When DJP pulls up to the scene, Vincenzo and Sitch jump out, waving around the documentation, but they are waving it at an empty car as the girls have already been taken away. A cop on the street tells them they were taken to the police headquarters. The guys are convinced they are going to be kicked out of Italy.
While I don’t think that’s going to happen, I’m pretty surprised they’ve been there as long as they have before creating such an international incident.
In very anti-climactic fashion, the boys head down to the police station, fill out paperwork, and then they leave with the sloppy girls in tow. SloppySnooki got her license taken away, so she’s not allowed to drive in Italy anymore and she doesn’t want to anyway. No one is getting kicked out of the country.
When they get home, SloppySnooki explains to SamSam how the accident happened. SamSam is happy they are okay. SloppySnooki can’t believe she went to jail again, so she calls Jianni (whose name I’ve been misspelling this whole time but now it’s just too much of a chore to change it, so Jianni it will remain). She tells Jianni she got into a car accident and he responds with, “What do you mean?” Not, “are you okay,” but “What do you mean?” Really, I thought her statement was sufficiently informative. She tells him she ran into a cop car. He asks her if she was drunk. Well, okay, yes, good question. She says no. He asks if she’s okay—finally—and she says yup.
Then Jianni tells her that Roger, JWoWW’s boyfriend, can’t come to Italy because of work. SloppySnooki would kill herself if Jianni couldn’t come. She then tells JWoWW to call Roger right away because Roger told Jianni he can’t get off of work. JWoWW knew that would happen. She’s been planning for him to come since she got to Italy. She wants to throw up. Instead, she calls Roger, crying, and tells him what Jianni told SloppySnooki. He said he put in for the days off but it wasn’t enough notice so he got denied. She cries more and he says he’s sorry. She missed him. He wanted to see her but it’s out of his hands. Well, that’s crappy.
JWoWW cries some more in her bed. The girls sympathize. SloppyDeena suggests they go out to get her mind off of it. So they get all dressed up to go to Astor and have some drinks for ladies’ night, except for SloppySnooki who needs to relax after her accident. The boys go out and have a MRVP night—Mr. VP. You know, their initials. The fun with words doesn’t stop there—Sitch explains the ratio of guys to girls at the club using a metaphor about hot dogs and buns. Very charming.
At home, SloppySnooki talks to Jianni on the phone about how long a flight to Italy will be. They have a slight discrepancy about the hours. The doorbell rings and rings and rings. She’s freaked out because she’s alone and knows it can’t be any of her roommates. She looks out over the balcony and sees it’s Brittany, the blonde stalker girl. SloppySnooki lets her in because she’s still mad at Sitch for spreading rumors. She wants Brittany to stay in Sitch’s bed so when he comes home with a girl, he’ll have problems. Okay, now that? Is HIL. AIR. EEE. US.
SloppySnooki takes a very drunk Brittany into the confessional to ask her why she’s there. Brittany says she likes Sitch because he’s different and spontaneous. SloppySnooki tells her that Sitch says he wants Brittany there every day. Brittany believes this of course.
The girls arrive home and SloppySnooki meets them at the top of the stairs to tell them she has a surprise for Sitch. She brings them inside, shouting Surpriiiiiiiiiise!, and they turn the corner to find Brittany sitting in the kitchen. They go hysterical and tell her that she should go wait for Sitch in his bed because he’ll be home soon.
Soon enough, the boys come home. Sitch has a girl with him as do the other guys. When they go into his room, Brittany wakes up and says hi. Sitch is highly confused. The boys think it’s weird. The girl Stich brought home keeps asking who the girl is. Sitch tells her that Brittany lives there. He tells the new girl that she should leave because Brittany is obviously already DTF. SloppySnooki is pissed that her plan backfired being that Sitch ultimately got it in anyway, showing that it doesn’t matter who the vagina is attached to, as long as he can put his penis inside of one.
Jianni is going to arrive soon, so SloppySnooki gets her spray tan on so she doesn’t look chunky and then changes her clothes several hundred times because he hasn’t seen her in a while. The boys keep asking her if Jianni is there yet. She asks Vincenzo and DJP to be nice. They say they will be. DJP thinks a lot of s**t will go down once he gets there because SloppySnooki has almost hooked up with Sitch and then made out with SloppyDeena. Both of which Jianni knows about already so I don’t know what drama is going to happen.
Finally, Jianni arrives. She meets him at the front door and cries hysterically. He asks if she missed him. He doesn’t say, I missed you. He doesn’t say, It’s nice to see you. He just asks about himself. Nice.
SloppySnooki takes him into the smush room. He wants to shower. She doesn’t want to introduce him to anyone. She wants to have sex with him. He insists on showering, so she Febreezes it and puts blankets on. Jianni goes into the kitchen, shakes hands with Sitch, and then SloppySnooki takes Jianni inside. Sitch has his guard up and thinks Jianni knows something.
Meanwhile, SloppySnooki and Jianni smush it up in the smush room.
Sitch’s new thing is karate. If anyone comes within a foot of him, he plans to kick him. SloppyDeena refers to him as KungFu Panda. Hil.Air.Eee.Us.
Everyone gets ready to go out. SloppySnooki changes into a neon pink leopard print dress. Jianni wants to know what happened to her first outfit. RonRon walks by, laughing and agreeing because this dress hardly covers her lady parts.
In the taxi on the way to the club, Sitch decides that if Jianni asks him anything, he’s going to tell him the truth. I don’t know how that conversation would be able to take place considering Sitch’s new One Foot Perimeter Kicking Zone.
They all arrive at an outdoor club. They all drink. They all dance. Sitch decides the club has a nice gripping floor in case he needs to kick someone. Then he tells JWoWW if Jianni comes up to him, he’s going t kick him in the head. For some reason, Sitch sounds like he’s on helium. JWoWW reminds him that the last time he fought, he knocked himself out on a wall.
Meanwhile, Jianni and SloppySnooki are dancing and making out, not caring about Sitch. FYI: When SloppySnooki and Jianna have little guido babies, she plans to have a C-section as to not screw up her vagina. SloppySnooki keeps telling Jianni to be aware of Sitch and is annoyed by Sitch. The girls think this is a bad idea because she’s basically just making Jianni feel uncomfortable with a situation he was already cool with. Oh, jeez, I just said situation.
Everyone piles into taxis. Sitch tells the guys that RonRon told him to do his thing meaning what up. I have no idea what he’s talking about. The guys think Sitch is having an imaginary fight in his mind with Jianni. He totally is.
At another club, Sitch asks SloppySnooki if Jianni has a problem with him because Jianni has been looking at him funny. No, he hasn’t. That’s what SloppySnooki tells him and then she suggests he relaxes.
SloppySnooki goes to dance with Jianni. For some reason, she keeps pulling her dress up to her belly button. She’s wearing underwear, but still. Jianni thinks she’s dancing like a whore. Clearly, drunk, she reaches for his cigarette and he gets pissed. Then he storms away because he’s embarrassed. JWoWW chases him, tells him to let her embarrass herself, and says he shouldn’t be embarrassed. SloppySnooki runs up the stairs and outside and down the street to find him. She falls. RonRon runs after the two of them—what the??? Why is he involved?
RonRon grabs SloppySnooki and tells her to go back to JWoWW while he chases down Jianni. JWoWW asks SloppySnooki to stop because she’s drunk and embarrassing. SloppySnooki screams, No body talk to me! JWoWW tells her she’s acting like an asshole. SloppySnooki wants to know where Jianni is going and JWoWW says he’s getting away from her. SloppySnooki doesn’t want to be touched and JWoWW keeps saying she’s trying to help her. SloppySnooki yells, I hate you! And then she keeps yelling, Where’s my boyfriend? I don’t deserve this! Jianni!
This is all a tad bit melodramatic for my taste. And by melodramatic, I mean extremely, extremely stupid.
And now all the girls look for Jianni. SloppySnooki beats up a taxi. Literally. She takes her bag and whacks at it. RonRon finds Jianni and calls out, It’s just me, dog, it’s Ronnie, it’s just me, no one else.
Ummm, I think RonRon is hitting on Jianni.
RonRon doesn’t want Jianni to leave SloppySnooki like that. Jianni asks him what he would do if he saw SamSam dancing by lifting up her skirt. RonRon explains that it’s the life Jianni walked into.
No, really, RonRon is trying to get with Jianni. He’s got both his hands on Jianni’s shoulders and their faces are less than a foot from each other.
RonRon sees Jianni’s point of view. SloppySnooki needs to act like Girlfriend Schnooki, not Single Schnooki, but then again, what did Jianni expect when he picked her up at Sea Side. RonRon tells Jianni to talk to SloppySnooki like a real man.
SloppySnooki is now leaning against a building and sobbing. SloppyDeena and SamSam are trying to get her to stop crying. JWoWW is walking around with her feet bleeding so she takes off her shoes. She can’t find Jianni. The girls and Vincenzo and Sitch find a cab to put SloppySnooki into. In the cab, she screams how she hates him. SamSam tells the cab driver to get to the house quickly—she says it in Italian! Points for SamSam.
When they get home, SloppySnooki wants to stay outside alone. SloppyDeena and SamSam try to get her to go upstairs. Sitch and DJP arrive and they ask them to get her to go upstairs. Sitch leans in but then they tell him to leave her alone. DJP looks over and shrugs, Who cares? HIL. AIR. EEE. US. It’s times like these I really wonder what it’s like to be a guy. Girls are so much drama. What guy—aside from RonRon—goes home crying like that? Seriously.
Vincenzo gets SloppySnooki to go inside, explaining that Jianni has to come back to the house. His passport and all his stuff is there. He has to come back at some point. Vincenzo thinks it’s ridiculous that Jianni got mad at SloppySnooki for how she was dancing. He tells her she needs to breath and calm down. She decides that she needs to go to sleep so she climbs into bed with her make up and dress still on and weeps.
You know what? The two of them would make a good couple. Really.
JWoWW is still roaming the streets, shoeless, calling out for Jianni. She can’t find him so she goes home. She tells DJP that her feet are bleeding. He asks what caused the fight and JWoWW explains how SloppySnooki showed her lady parts on the dance floor and how Jianni got embarrassed. DJP thinks that Jianni should have known what he was getting himself into and can’t handle problems this way.
SamSam feels terrible for both SloppySnooki and Jianni for different reasons. JWoWW says, Now you know how we feel and why we have to get involved—meaning how they always wind up in the middle of the battles between SamSam and RonRon. SamSam says she felt like she needed to help SloppySnooki no matter if she was right or wrong.
SloppySnooki comes into the bedroom from the smush room with all her blankets. JWoWW asks if she needs anything. She doesn’t want anyone to talk to her. So SamSam says, I will do that for you, and leaves the room.
So then everyone except SloppySnooki has some burgers. Some very burnt burgers. I’m surprised they aren’t burning the house down.
Jianni arrives back at the house and rings the bell. SloppySnooki tears herself away from her crying in bed and lets him in. He runs upstairs, passes her, and refuses to talk to her. She keeps asking him where he’s going. He finally answers her by telling her to leave him alone. She screams at him that he’s mean and psycho and she hates him and doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He keeps telling her to leave.
Finally, realizing that a drunk girl is not rational, Jianni explains to her that she should calm down and then says he got mad and embarrassed because she lifted her skirt up on the dance floor. She doesn’t think she did that. He tells her she screwed things up with him and he can’t be with a girl who will lift up her skirt.
Overhearing every single bit of this in the living room, SamSam feels so bad and they again explain how this was her and RonRon last year and they never knew what to do. SamSam, being on the other side of it, does not like it. She tells DJP that she’s sorry for all of that and he says, Don’t worry about it. Because he’s a guy and he’s already over it.
SloppySnooki is back in her room, sobbing, and saying she wants to go home. She’s pissed because all she wanted was to be with Jianni in Italy and now it’s all screwed up and she doesn’t deserve this. Jianni is packing his suit case and dragging it through the house. JWoWW asks him if they can change his mind. She doesn’t understand how he can travel 21 hours and then leave after 6 because of a fight.
He heads downstairs and outside and into a cab. SloppySnooki runs after him but he’s already gone. She thinks she’s a really good girlfriend even though she’s crazy when she drinks but she doesn’t understand why he left since she loves him. She loves him so much that she’ll show her goods to everyone in a club and still go home with him. That’s love.