I have to level with you guys, I really didn’t want to watch this week’s episode. And I certainly didn’t want to write about it. It’s not because there were bad dishes prepared, it’s not even because Baby Hands is still on the show. No, seriously, it is much more serious than this.
There was a Real Housewife on the show.
I have lived a very satisfying life having never, ever watched a single episode of any of the Real Housewives shows. Not a minute. And to be perfectly honest, I’d need to get paid a handsome sum to start. So, imagine my nausea upon realizing that this episode was going to be focused around the chefs preparing dessert tables for one of these women. That means I had to pay attention to things she said and did.
I felt my IQ drop every time she opened her mouth. Every time we got a close up of her stupid yap dog. Every time her weird shag carpet-headed husband opened his mouth. IQ drops. Slowly but surely, I be losing me riting skilz.
Also, common visitors to me little ditties about reality shows know how little patience I have for product placement. I get it. These shows have to do it in order to survive. I’m fine with the concept. It’s the heavy handed ways the show do it that get on my nerves. Drop the name a couple of times, even let the companies sponsor challenges, but make it a bit more subtle and not slamming me over the head with the product. This week, there was a gum challenge. Gum. It seems Extra has made a gum with dessert flavors. I don’t care. I hate gum. And it’s not a friggin dessert. So having these chefs make tiny desserts to be used as gum flavors, not interesting to me. At. All.
I am also one who really hates terrible cross promotion. They all do it, I know. However, some of them are at least somewhat reasonable. I can live with Ethan and Jenna racing on the Amazing Race. I am fine with CSI investigators travelling from Vegas to Miami to Manhattan. I was fine with Det. Munch being on every NBC procedural show. I get it. But I really, really hate news programs that follow Lost promoting safety on airlines. Or 24 always showing Fox News on the TV monitors. Or Top Chef having on other Bravo reality personalities as guests.
So, when I talk about the challenges, the chefs and the dishes as the column progresses I am going to do what I can to avoid talking about the gum company, the Housewife, her dog, her friends, and the whole lot of them. To quote Barney Stinson…challenge accepted.
Thankfully, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was not the judge, just the client. In a cross promotion I can live with, Unibrow comes over from Masters to be a JD judge. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing him quite a bit more in the Worldwide Leader of Cooking Competitions. Rebecca will be happy because she thinks he’s cute. Cuuuuuuuute. Let’s go first to the Quickfire.
Quickfire Challenge: Inspire a New Flavor of Gum. They get the win marketed by the company, they get immunity and they get $25K. Carlos says he has six kids and $25K will go a long way to college education. Um, not in this decade. Rockman is making pina colada, which I think is a great idea. Baby Hands is making pancakes, which I think is ridiculous, but as you will soon see, I am quite in the minority. Carlos’ tapioca idea is the best one, in my opinion, because he is thinking about the gum’s texture, which is a huge part of chewing gum. Macho 2 Melissa makes a really dumb decision to make coffee flavored gum. Um, you chew gum in order to purge coffee breath.