The Simple Life? More like “Thieves R Us”!
Not even 2 minutes in, and already, I’ve had enough of these girls! I loved the first season, I really did. I was mesmerized by their, their, hmmmmm, kindly, their innocence. I actually defended them on more than one occasion – how can you blame these girls for not understanding the way normal people live…they’ve never had to live a normal life! They’ve never had to want or work for something they want. But come on, now they’re just ignorant dimwits!
First stop, Burger King – they’re hungry! And, innocence initially prevails when they try to take their trailer through the drive through. They don’t quite fit. Instead, they opt to ‘walk through’…BUT, they abandon their vehicle IN the drive through lane, with people waiting behind them. Come on, this HAS to be scripted! They go in, order a gazillion things off the menu…my ass they eat that kind of stuff, and stay THAT thin (ok, Nicole isn’t a waif, but she’s not large either!) – or MAYBE, a little ‘binge and purge’? Hmmmmm. Of course, they only have $3. So, Paris goes out to the car and gets their money, which doesn’t really exist. While she’s pretending to be looking, Nicole stands at the counter, chowing down on their food. Paris comes back with a handful of change. Next, Nicole goes to get the money, and Paris stands at the counter, nibbling away, and actually orders a salad (the first realistic food item they’ve ordered!). Nicole comes back, with a handful of change. They haven’t come up with the $22 some-odd dollars that they need. The manager is getting a little annoyed and insists they find a way to pay for their food. Nicole falls back on the old staple; begging men for food! They need $12…she takes $20 from this poor man!
Then they leave the King, with no bags of food! Can you say scripted!?!
Job #3 – Caliente! Nicole thinks it sounds ‘hot’. Geez, everything sounds ‘hot’, looks ‘hot’, is ‘hot’ to these 2 girls. Either they ‘love it’ in their nasally little voices, or something is hot! Oh how I wish I had started counting their little safety phrases from the beginning…the number would be huge, only 3 episodes in! First season, they were cute little expressions….but second season, not so cute any more!
But I digress (I must be having a cranky night here!!!)
The girls hit Caliente, and start looking for where they are supposed to be working. They find out from a man on the street, they have just entered a nudist facility!
They spend the night in the trailer, and awaken the next morning, with 40 minutes to get to work, and all they want is a shower. They find out from some ‘residents’ that the showers are ‘outdoors’. This, for some very strange reason, doesn’t appeal to the girls at all. This, from 2 people who practically walk around naked on the best of days…yet for some reason, they don’t want to shower in front of other people. When in the world did they get shy?!?!
So, instead of showering in public, they opt to beg for a shower instead. Some nice lady helps them out and lets them in her home to use her shower. They make small talk with the couple in the house, and chat about what turned them into nudist. The gentleman in the home explains that it all started when he was in the Navy (Navy men everywhere are cringing as this airs!), and showering with other men felt great. Nicole thinks this is … ready for it… ‘hot’! He eventually sees them off, bottomless!
Paris and Nicole show up to work, late as usual. The woman waiting for them, gives them a little crap for being late and being more responsible, while her breast is hanging out. How do you take that seriously!?!?!
They meet Naked Bill who gives them the low-down on the nudist resort; don’t stare, don’t laugh. Nicole, of course asks if people have sex, ‘right there’, and what happens if they have an erection?
Job #1 at the resort… maids! They go into the bathroom to change into their uniforms. Minor adjustments; cutting the bottom to shorten then, spreading open the top to expose their breasts (not so shy now…they actually had to blur out Paris’s breast!!!) … 23 minutes later, they appear.
The head maid goes through the list of duties to be done….she has little patience for these girls! The girls are not happy at all. They are told not to touch personal items, so Nicole goes right for the clothing and tries it on. Everything goes fairly well, until the bathroom. Paris and Nicole are repulsed – gagging and all.
Next room, the girls go solo. No goofing off, no playing they are warned – so, they make themselves coffee, help themselves to the guest’s box of chocolates, look in their suitcases, and even use their camera to take a picture down Nicole’s shirt. The room is scarcely cleaned and Nicole is done. Paris warns that they are going to get in trouble…but tags right along anyway. Instead of heading to the next room, they go to play on the swings in the playground.
They are eventually caught, and taken to their next room. A naked man greets them – ‘do what you gotta do’ he tells them. Once he’s left, they rummage through his drawer to find his cell phone, order a wad of food from room service, and call housekeeping to demand a maid come clean their room! They change into towels and clothing that is not theirs, gorge themselves on the food they’ve ordered, and allow a maid to come in and do their job for them, pretending they are guests.
The maid, who is a professional, of course does a wonderful job, and they take full credit for it! Maid duty is over…onto the next task. Help with a ‘body acceptance class’.
The ladies stand in the centre of a circle of naked and partially naked people. Paris and Nicole are fully clothed…in fact, more clothed than normal! They talk about their bodies, and what they like about their body. After writing a short poem, most of Nicole’s is bleeped out, they are done for the day, and off to the Disco for the night.
YMCA, with naked people…go figure!
2392 miles to go…