Thanks for understanding, my dozens of readers for this column, for my week from hell. As promised, this week will incorporate both last week and this week’s Expedition, leading into next week’s season (perhaps series) finale. And interestingly enough, the two episodes were essentially identical. It is all part of the growing Legend of No Limits.
I have said it before, and I’ll say it again, if this show never airs again after next week we need to find a way to give No Limits their own show. I don’t care what it is – adventure series, morning talk show, crime fighting series with a wacky sidekick, doesn’t matter. These guys are simply amazing. Let’s remember – three people on the team. One is blind. The other suffered ligament damage on his ankle. And the third sounds like he is counting the days until he can fill his medicinal marijuana prescription. And they are in the finals. This may be the most incredible performance on any reality show I have ever seen. Heck, this ranks up there with Jack Youngblood playing Super Bowl 14 on a broken leg. Look it up, non-sports fans. That joke/reference is 32 years old.
Now, let’s remember this, the only reason No Limits managed to survive these two episodes is because two other teams just screwed up enough to allow them to limp over the finish line first. It would be absolutely stunning if they won the whole thing. But just finishing the full competition with a blind guy, a badly injured person, and a stoner is victory enough. But, lesser teams would have given up when Ike got hurt. Lesser teams would not have pushed it so they were in the position to catch up to the Cali Girls, and then be able to solve the puzzle faster and hightail it to the end. Lesser teams would have given up after falling woefully behind this week, assuming that trained police officers would not manage to overlook evidence. However, those things happened, and No Limits is not a lesser team.
In fact, I am ready to cast the fourth person in my No Limits-inspired show. The other breakout character of the season – Akbar. One thing is fairly guaranteed each week – Akbar is going to give us a sound byte. I only wish Akbar and No Limits were on a better show so that more people could have watched them. In these two weeks, Akbar gave us the following:
On finding encountering another kayak task – “Ok, no. Not again. Not my enemy. The kayak. Two kayaks for three people, and really, I’m like two people in one.”
On No Limits being awesome – “They are the standard I will use for my son and daughter when I describe what toughness is” and “You guys just inspired an entire country.” Well, poor Akbar has not seen the ratings yet.
On not wanting to be eliminated – “In training camp, the grim reaper would come to you and tell you to bring in your playbook, well, I’m not ready to turn in my playbook.”
On their water issues – “Football players are not waterboys…Cancel Christmas; we’ve had enough of surf and turf. Just keep the turf.”
On having to wiggle into a tiny hole to access a cave – “What in the world is this all about? My big head can’t get through there! Who the hell lives in these caves? Where’s Batman?”
I love Akbar too. If it wasn’t for him and No Limits this show would have been unbearable.
Now, before we do some talking about small moments and the various events from the two eps, let’s spend a moment talking about the luck that No Limits had to have in order to survive to the finals. They had three things that enabled them to survive – Cali Girls, The Cops and the show itself.
They would not have made it if there was not an ample amount of rafting and kayaking these two weeks. This enabled Ike to get off his foot for a while. If it was more walking-based, they wouldn’t have made it. In fact, they barely hung on both weeks even with the water tasks. In addition, the guys were very good at the rafting tasks which helped them wipe out much of their deficits they built up during the land tasks.
Last week, they benefitted from the Cali Girls’ inability to figure out the puzzle. They had to use “an ancient method of navigation” to find a buried clue. The device was basically two poles and a chain, and by answering three questions correctly they would get the number to use for the compass bearing. The poles move similarly to the yard markers in football. Extend the chain as far is it goes, in the direction of the bearing, and then move the other pole off in the direction of the next one, and so on. The Cali Girls could not figure that out. For 90 minutes they struggled to figure that out, and only got it right after copying the No Limits boys. I wonder why they didn’t copy the teams that came before them. By the time they unearthed the clue; the guys were already on their way to the end and had a large enough lead to hold them off.
This week, it was the Cops’ turn to mangle the last task. Here, they had to locate a piece of pottery in a cave which matches the logo provided to them. Once the pot is found, the clue and directions to the finish were stuffed inside the pot. The Cops, amazingly, messed this up. They simply grabbed the pot and ran. They followed the Footballers as long as they could but eventually lost them. Not once did they consider looking inside the pot, instead they just wandered the Moroccan countryside. This is an even bigger bonehead move than the Cali Girls. At least they just couldn’t figure out an ancient navigation tool, the Cops’ error was ridiculous. Think about the options – wander aimlessly, or investigate what you have. All you have is a pot. The whole purpose of pots is to put things inside of them! The only reason the Cops aren’t still wandering around Morocco is because they spotted No Limits passing them, and again, were just a bit too far behind to catch up.