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Big Brother 13, July 7 – Still Riding Bananas

After all the speculation, we finally know who the six returning houseguests are on this new season of Big Brother. We’ve also gotten a chance to meet the eight newbies, and they’re an interesting eclectic group to say the least. The big question is if they even stand a chance against some of the best to have ever played the game.

Our eight new houseguests are:

Dominic. He still lives with his mom, is a virgin, and an adrenaline junkie.
Cassi. She’s a model who’s a southern tomboy, and into fishing an drinking beer.
Lawon. He believes everyone loves him and likes to dress in loud colors. Bright green seems to be his favorite.
Keith. He’s a youth minister and deacon, but loves chasing girls, and has a strategy chart.
Shelly. She is the VP of Development for a company that handles the fishing and outdoor market. She has quite the Southern drawl.
Adam. He refers to himself as a heavy metal teddy bear, yet loves Beverly Hills 90210 and appletinis.
Kalia. She’s the real life Carrie from Sex and the City, running a sex and relationship blog.
Porsche. The VIP waitress works at one of the hottest night clubs and thinks she’s the hottest girl everywhere she goes. I beg to differ.

Entering the house, Keith looks at the hot women and declares, “The Lord is my shepherd and knows what I want.” Cassi looks at the huge flower Lawon is wearing and declares, “Go big or go home.” Kalia knows she’s going to have trouble, as she has a hair phobia and hates sharing a shower with anyone. Porsche is wrong in declaring her personality her best feature. I’d say it was her worst.

When it comes to the introductions, everyone is already lying. Keith tells everyone he and his identical twin have a relationship consulting business. He figures they would think he would be judging people too much as a deacon, and he wants everyone, especially the ladies, to feel safe coming to him. Adam is completely honest, meaning he won’t be making it to the end like he believes. Shelly is honest too, but she’s a tough broad, so might make it. Porsche lies and says she’s a student, and Cassi hides the fact she is a model.

Julie appears after the introductions and tells them all to choose a partner that they will be playing the game with. The HoH and their partner will be safe each week, and with just one duo put on the block each week, one will stay and one will go home.

Keith knows he can throw his strategy out the window and chooses Porsche, as Dominic wonders if he thought he was picking a prom date. Cassi and Shelly choose each other, both being from the south. Adam chooses Dominic, who refers to him as a “martini-sipping 90210-loving bacon-eater.” This leaves Kalia with Lawon, and she isn’t happy with being stuck with the “crazy flamboyant guy” when she wants to lay low.

The doorbell rings, and it’s none other than Brendon and Rachel. They’re engaged now, thank-you-very-much. She declares, “I’m back bitches and better than ever.” The doorbell rings again, and it’s Jeff and Jordan. The houseguests are shocked, as Shelly admits to being starstruck. Jordan claims they’ve been together about a year-and-a-half. Jeff tries to explain how it’s wrong, as their season started two years ago, lasted three months, and they started dating when they show was over. She doesn’t get it, to no one’s surprise.

The doorbell rings one more time, and it’s Evil Dick and a dark-haired Danielle. Adam compares this to Tori Spelling walking through the door. Keith is already thinking about kicking Porsche to the curb in favor of Dani. Dick declares himself the only winner in the house upsetting Jordan. It turns out their prior season didn’t end up reuniting Dick and Dani. They haven’t spoken for three years and saw each other just once at his mom’s house. Jeff realizes, though, that whether they’re on good or bad terms, it seems to work for them.

Everyone heads outside for the first HoH competition. It’s endurance already. The pairs have to hold onto giant bananas. The last person hanging will be the new HoH. Everyone is figuring this out already that it will be Old vs. New. They’re all in weird positions on these bananas, as Dick notes he hasn’t talked to his daughter in three years, and now she’s sitting on his head. Jordan is depending on Jeff to win. Okay, so that’s not a weird position for them.

Chocolate rains down on everyone, and Shelly falls off first, not wanting to look like a huge threat. Jordan, Keith, Cassi, Lawon, Adam, Jeff, Dominic, Brendon, and Kalia fall next, in that order. With the note that Rachel spends most of her time riding bananas, everyone gets shot with whip cream in the face. Porsche falls down, the last newbie, leaving Rachel, Dick, and Dani. They talk deal and Rachel promises to keep them safe. Dick is more than happy to fall. Dani doesn’t trust her, but falls anyway. Rachel is the new HoH, declaring, “No one comes between me and my banana.”

Julie informs the houseguests of one more twist. Although both Rachel and Brendon are safe, the decision of who to nominate is hers and hers alone. Being nominated this season will be a blessing and a curse. One houseguest will be evicted, and for the first four weeks their partner will automatically advance to the final ten, being immune and not participating until then.

Dani says she’ll happily send her dad out the door in order to win the million dollars for herself. But I don’t believe her for one millisecond. She said those kinds of things before, only to follow him to final two. She might get to final ten that way, but she won’t be able to win PoV every week. She needs him to keep her safe when she doesn’t.

This new twist will shake it up quite a bit though. We aren’t quite sure what Rachel will decide to do. Keeping all the returning players is her best bet, even with the twist. The question is if someone will be able to convince her differently. She’s always been much smarter than she appears. She might be tempted to take out Dick, but that leaves Dani in as a threat at final ten. She’s better off aligning with them instead, as well as with Jeff and Jordan.

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Freelance entertainment and tech writer, editor