To me, that was the dumbest part of the episode. I asked my fellow Reality Shack writer, Gatsby Girl what she thought. She said, “I'm not too sure how safe I feel being protected by three people who decide, hey, we haven't found what we're looking for so let's just stop right here and turn around without any real reason to do so.” And she’s right. The SWAT team trained cops came upon the scene, saw no obvious evidence and went to find another scene. Why not search for evidence? Dust for prints? Call in CS-Friggin-I?!?
I want this show to be a new twist on the TAR formula, but I wasn’t aiming for a more boring version.
There is one thing that impressed me more than almost anything I have ever seen on a reality show. Ever. More impressive than an entire season of American Idol featuring nobody of any lasting effect – thanks Simon, you just had to go and make a new show. More impressive than Boston Rob winning Survivor in his fourth try.
Blind Erik. Rode a wild horse. He really did. While others bitched and cried, the blind guy rode without incident. Then, if that wasn’t enough, he kayaked down a river. Including rapids, even if they were less rapid than the fake river at the Atlantis hotel in Nassau. This guy is BAD. ASS. And I really hope they win.
Another fun thing – this episode was chock full of “that’s what she said” moments:
• Country Boys Chad – I picked the biggest stud they had
• Mom – I was hesitant because I’ve never been on a stallion before
• Cali Christina – They should make butt pads for this thing – Cali
• Anyone else instantly think about “Rock the Kasbah” when The Host said “reach the Kasbah”? Just me? Ok.
• Fab 3 AJ is a bit of an enigma. He whines about his face being too pretty so he fears horses. Then he laments that he would rather be sitting around the pool drinking a pitcher of Mojitos. This, just one week after wanting to shatter those gay stereotypes. Good job, AJ. And then he continually makes the correct decision – dig in the ground to find water, take the small bucket. It may drive Keri crazy that he always thinks he’s correct – when he actually seems to be always correct – but, Keri, think about how we feel!
• We learned this episode that the first place team gets a whopping five-minute head start. I wonder if that is standard, or if they can pad it by dominating a leg. Even more concerning, Grandpa’s Warriors, who finished substantially behind the three teams ahead of them last week, got to start at the same time. TAR gets crap for its tendency to bunch the teams together artificially, but at least they do it on the racecourse, not when they start out, diminishing the events of the previous leg. If you must borrow from TAR use the good things – give the order of finish some respect.
• Akbar, about the Gypsies – “You might not have gotten the memo, but we’re at full throttle.” And then he spoke annoyingly in third person, but said awesomely, “…and yes, I just spoke in third person.”
• Before we credit the Gypsies for having an Arabic phrase book, I would rather point out that if the other teams don’t, then they should be ashamed of themselves. If they knew they were going to Morocco, why would you not have the phrase book?
• More local Moroccan awesomeness – “They wanted to know the best horse. All of them are the same, they all have four legs.” HA! Can we get a reality show based on Moroccan nomads?
• More Akbar, looking for a horse, “What’s the biggest one? WHAT’S THE BIGGEST ONE?!?!” Because yelling always helps overcoming a language barrier. Later he made a comment about black people not riding horses, minutes before Chad of the Country Boys came galloping through while his team shot from the middle to the front. I love how they keep showing Akbar mouthing off, and then being contradicted.
• Kansas Kelsey went to horse camp, “except they were not these kind of horses.” Nope, they were bred to be docile. Kind of like Kansas.
• New word thanks to Kansas girls – “Bickery.” As in, we don’t need bickery among the team.
• Victims of crying fits in Episode 2 – Kansas Mackenzie, Cali Natalie, Abbie from Mom’s Army. This list will probably keep growing.
• Captain Obvious Quote of the Day – Cali Christina – “I’ve always had a plan, and our plan is for us to win.” Brilliant and groundbreaking.
• Footballer Ricky takes off shirt to line the bucket. Not bad, plus he could wring it out to add more water. Meanwhile, he has a fan in Kansas Kelsey. Another good move, Country Boys use not just mud, but “plastic bags off the ground.” Where they heck did this rampant litter come from?
• You just know that No Limits Jeff is one of those guys who call everyone “bro.”
• By the way, thanks for letting the Cops speak this week. Although we still have yet to hear from their female teammate. To be honest, I still have no idea what her name is.
• Gypsies’’ Jason Lee look-a-like was intimidated at first by the Country Boys’ brawn, but later suggested that they were too enamored by their country cooking. And thus failed at the kayak task. I was wondering why the big guys couldn’t just walk the kayak into deeper water to get on.
• Kudos to the Country Boys for a great comeback, and for the Cali Girls for overcoming a 45-minute deficit after the horses. And for Grandpa’s team for moving up too.
• Poor Mom get capsized and her lonely oar shown floating away. The Lonely Oar. A new book about sad extreme sport enthusiasts.
• Fathead banged his fat head on the rocks. Not for nothing – but that’s just a great sentence.
• And then the end, I zoned out. The Host had them come across some imaginary line in the sand. It may have actually been the Equator. Not sure. My favorite part was when one of the firemen got smacking the face by a branch. The first firefighters, cops and Mom’s Army, which has two former soldiers, all got lost. That’s just funny.
• Mom had no idea her girls were so strong. THIS is what she needed to learn that? They were in the Army!!