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Expedition: Impossible – Premiere – “There’s Sand Everywhere, Yo.”

The Gypsies (really? Gypsies?) seem like the BJ and Tyler of this season, and regular readers know my opinions of those guys do not match with the rest of the country. Dislike. Intensely. However, these guys seem rather harmless, unless you are put off by 70s-style porn mustaches. And really, who is? Plus one dude looks just like Jason Lee – so he has that going for him.

The Country Boys both annoyed and impressed me in the same episode. Annoyed by their trash talking and very bad beginning. Impressed with the fact that after that bad beginning, they made up a LOT of time to finish in the middle of the pack.

NY Firemen have a guy named Kevin Fathead. Say no more, guys, say no more.

Team Kansas and the California Girls got little attention outside of a couple “oh my gosh” from the Midwesterners and some bitchy cattiness from the Cali girls.

Meanwhile, the all-female Mom’s Army got a lot of air time – mainly because Abbie cried a lot and dissed the blind guy. Classy. Meanwhile, I cannot imagine any amount of money that would have enticed my mom to have ever done a show like this with me. Much less only $50K per person and a car. I mean, way to be cheap, ABC. You’re paying Jimmy Kimmel that much per second.

The rest? Well, not so much so far. Grandpa is old, and his granddaughter seems to be physically inept. The Boston fishermen are out of place with no fish. And the Cops were apparently undercover for the entire leg.

Task 1 – Climb a giant sand dune
Task 2 – Load up, ride and lead three camels
Task 3 – Find water using the local methods (hint – look down. Far down.)
Task 4 – Climb a mountain
Task 5 – Rappel down said mountain
Task 6 – Count the snakes in a snake charming performance
Task 7 – Follow the correct path, if you got Task 6 correct, to the checkpoint.

Moments of Impossibility
• Fab 3 is a walking sitcom waiting to happen – a gay guy, his sister and his ex-boyfriend, living together. Someone call Neil Patrick Harris’ agent.
• Abbie’s brilliance – “Our strategy is to knock them off one team at a time.” Groundbreaking, that is.
• The Host – “…this is an adventure like no other…” Um…
• Fab 3 thinks that the gay stereotype is that they “go clubbing, are sassy and wear wigs.” It seems they think the rest of us believe all gay people are extras in “The Birdcage.”
• NY Firefighters are a bit on the chunky side, but I will say that the fireman training will help them a great deal in this competition. Lugging all that equipment each day is quite an advantage in dealing with this crap.
• Love Latin Persuasion passing the Country Boys on the sand dune – if just for comedic purposes.
• Unsure why the two Latin ladies got on the third one for getting on the camel – isn’t that what you were supposed to do?
• Akbar wanted to cut open the hump of the friggin camel to find water! I am sure PETA would have had a problem if ABC was endorsing the mutilation of animals. Even camels.
• Latina Raven – “We’re in the Sahara Desert. There’s sand everywhere, yo.” There needs to be a t-shirt with that, stat.
• The Host seems to do a lot more editorializing in his voiceovers than Phil ever does – not sure if I like that.
• Akbar thinks that even Superman wouldn’t do that rappel. He is correct. Because Superman can fly. Idiot.
• I must say that every time I hear Akbar’s name I have to shout out, “It’s a trap!!!”
• EI even does the TAR commercial break edits – “Will they quit the race!” “Can she rappel/skydive/bungee jump?” They almost always do.
• I loved the camera shot of the Latins and the Grandpas moving in the dark, with only the head lamps to be seen in the distance. Nice.
• Not sure if I like the Walk of Shame to the chopper for the eliminated teams. Seems a bit excessive.
• Order of Finish – Gypsies, Fab 3, Footballers, Kansas, Fishermen, No Limits, Country Boys, Firefighters, Cali girls, Cops, Moms, Grandpa, Latin (ELIMINATED)
Next week – Horses fall, rafts flip, lamps light and the checkpoint is hidden.
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