Floyd – Meatball Sub – 1130 calories down to 467 – Buffalo Meatball, Farro, Spinach, Cheese Tomato Sauce and Asparagus – Bert says it packs a “wallop of flavor.” Dany found the buffalo meatball to be perfectly cooked. He made it out of tatonka, not buffalo sauce, sadly.
Alex – Fried Chicken and Biscuits – 1278 calories down to 375 – Oven Fried Chicken, Sweet Potato Puree, Cream Corn and Corn Bread. His non-fat yogurt based corn bread was lacking its applesauce, thus making it rather dry and hard. That’s what she said. Loser Hannah liked the crunch on the chicken, while Bert found the muffin dense.
Traci – Chinese Buffet – 1240 calories down to 365 – Beef & Broccoli, Cabbage Salad, Rice and Wonton Soup – Bert said it was a pleasing mouthful. That’s what she said. Loser Moses cleaned his plate. Alan thinks he would never buy this plate, but it was satisfying.
George – Deep Dish Pizza – 2280 calories down to 309! – Whole Wheat Pizza with Tomato Coulis, Smoked Mozzarella and Vegetables. – Alan liked the veggies, and Stone thinks the smokiness was a good choice to make the flavors more intense.
Suvir – Bacon Cheeseburger and Fries – 1200 calories down to 403 – Veggie Burger with Asian Slaw – Stone notes the fries are completely gone. Loser Irene pauses in her muted praise, and repeats how much she loves meat.
Unibrow – Roast Beef – 1679 calories down to 315 – Flank Steak, Fingerling Potatoes and Asparagus Salad – Alison praises his use of portion control. Dany is a fan of the turkey bacon, and Alan liked the taters. Irene takes Loser Austin’s plate and starts to eat the meat, not good for Suvir.
As dessert is served, we learn that the teams did a great job with calories and came in at 1221 for the Floyd team, 1263 for the Unibrow team and 1368 for the Suvir team.
CRITICS’ TABLE – The team featuring Floyd/George/Beast gets the win. Alan said the pizza was satisfying, Dany loved the sexy and exotic sub, and Bert thought Beast’s breakfast was terrific. The fact that Floyd’s sub was called sexy should have tipped us all off that he was the winner. Ten grand to cancer research.
Suvir, Mary Sue and Alex fall to the bottom. Suvir defends his “statement” even as Bert calls it a “wedge of mock meat.” Alan said he cooked for himself and not the client. Word. Stone says the obesity epidemic is not all the fault of red meat. Mary Sue’s yolk was a problem, according to Alan. Dany wanted more out of the corned beef. Overall, she was safe and boring – often the death knell for a Top Cheffer. Alex’s cornbread was leaden, and Alex agrees he should not have served it. Bert was not crazy about the chicken’s texture.
So it came down to Alex’s hockey puck, bad texture and creamed corn a la baby food. Or Mary Sue’s boring poached egg. Or Suvir’s War Against Meat. Suvir loses the battle, but to be honest, I hope someday we all win that war.
• Suvir’s speech condemning red meat was not taken well by Unibrow who was next to serve…red meat. I think he handled it well at the time, but his scolding of Suvir afterwards for meatblocking him was pretty ridiculous. That’s two weeks and two stupid drama moments for Unibrow who is now creeping up on my shit list.
• Beast went for stinky…cheese, that is. I just like saying stinky cheese.
• Interesting to hear Traci talk about how the flavor of the cheese is different in the core compared the rind. Things I did not know.
• George preferred to get cheese when his dad returned from trips rather than toys. Boy, chefs are a strange breed.
• That Cara the Trainer was pretty good looking – maybe I should watch that show…
• Nice to see 2000 Olympic champ Rulan Whatshisname again. Of course, he seems to have let himself go just a bit.
• Nice to see Floyd’s kid lost all of that weight, good for him. Helps that dad is a chef when you try to eat right.
• Alex lost a LOT of weight while recovering from cancer – he went from a 46 to a 32 waist. Wow.
• Did Suvir just make a joke about being a “brownie?” I’m impressed and appalled at the same time. More impressed though.
• Interesting that Celina used a bagel to get fewer calories. You know you are eating badly when bagels give you less calories.
• Extra – The chefs talk about how good tasting food is bad for you. Um. Who knew!
Next week – The Masters take over a fast food drive thru and Stone messes with them.
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