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Top Chef: All-Stars – Ep 5 – “Everyone Sucked and Everything Sucked”


The Bottom Five – Casey, Antonia, Carla, Jamie and Tre – are brought in first. Suser tells Jamie were not to be boiled in water, that kind doesn’t respond well. Gail thinks the long beans were “bad Chinese American takeout.” Antonia prepped it, so Jamie takes the brunt of the critique. Suser and Gail tell Casey how no one could eat her feet (chicken feet, folks, no Rex Ryan here). Tom adds that her pancake was too heavy, like lead. Casey fails to blame Antonia, and only seems to reluctantly say that Antonia did much of the cooking. Tre’s dessert liquefied. Carla’s were too much noodle and not enough anything else, Suser thinks she cooked with her eyes, not stomach.

The Top Four – DC Tiff, Angelo, Dale and Fabio – are brought next. Suser loved Fabio’s imagination of Chinese culture, Gail felt Tiffany made a “savory marshmallow,” Dale’s rice was full of flavor, and Padma loved Angelo’s spring roll. However, Suser delivers the win to Dale.

Interesting how about halfway through, Dale and Mike – two guys who did not make the finals in their seasons – pull the wins. I wonder if they, and Tre as well, are just a bit hungrier for the title.

Casey gets sent home as it was really just her or Jamie. Scallop Girl is stunned, but Casey doesn’t look all that surprised.

Quickfire hits
• Antonia on Angelo’s meddling in other dishes – “He has chef torrettes.”
• Blais on Jamie – “She’s like an octopus (Rarely seen), she comes out once in a while, cooks some chick peas and goes back in a hole.”
• Marcel has to stop trying to be a gangsta. You’re not. You’re a chef who likes to make foam.
• Dale, who curses constantly, used the term “doo-doo” to describe his noodles. That just struck me as odd.
• Mike wants to get a tattoo of “837” to honor his win. Cool idea.
• How funny was the big bra battle? SF Tiff – “I’m a 36DD, if I don’t wear a bra, you’d get hurt at the Quickfire.” HA! And when she shoved her bra in Jamie’s face, the guys cleared out. SF Tiff – “They can talk about piddling around with their diddlies, but they can’t talk about bras and boobs.” OK – I officially like SF Tiff. That was hysterical.
• Not sure who it was (Antonia?) who shouted at the Chinese market, “Hey Fabio, they have Ragu!”
• Ok, Fabio and the pet turtle? Just really weird. Dude puts a leash on his turtle and takes him for walks. Cute to have him disgusted by the turtle tank at the market.
• Casey collects art about butchering? Art about butchering exists??? Hmm, I guess it does.
• How funny were those diners? “I fought for these myself.” “I can’t tell what I just ate.” “I can’t tell this meat.” “This is Caucasian Dim Sum.”

Next week – Fishing. And the inevitable Marcel/Dale clash begins.

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