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And THIS Is Why I Love: Jersey Shore: Cockblocking Wingmen

Not much happens for most of this week’s peek into the Miami Beach scene via Jersey Shore. Vincenzo brings home camera-hungry Ramona and they smush. Sitch apologizes to Snooki for telling her she needed to leave the club. He isn’t sincere. She accepts the apology anyway. Then Snooki is sad because Ryder, her friend, leaves, and Snooki misses home. J-WoWW consoles her. Vincenzo consoles her. Snooki thinks Vincenzo is like her older brother, except that usually a younger sister doesn’t know about any of her brother’s schlongs. Sitch has a big ego and parks his car wherever he wants.

To make Snooki feel better, and to have a grand ol’ time with dancing house techno something or other, they all go to some club that they don’t normally go to. Some random people want to fight Snooki. Sitch steps up to fight because the random guys are teeny. The group gets kicked out. Yawn. DJP manages to snag two girls to go home with him and Sitch so they can smush. Sitch alienates his girl who does not want to sleep with him so he tells her she needs to go snuggle alone since she won’t sleep with him. DJP’s girl and the doesn’t-sleep-around girl leave because Sitch is a tool. He’s a bag wingman for DJP, who was about to get it in, and then does not because of Sitch’s behavior. Sitch’s ego is blocking his own game and now his friend’s as well.

The next day, DJP tells Vincenzo that he needed him last night as a wingman because Sitch got rejected and cockblocked him. Meanwhile, Sitch is telling J-WoWW that DJP brought home a grenade for Sitch and Sitch wasn’t into it. The girl wasn’t a grenade until she rejected Sitch, mind you. Back to DJP who is accumulating some ego-ick of his own saying that he doesn’t have to try because “you’re in bed with Pauly D.” Soon enough, he’ll be parking his car wherever he wants and it will be the opening storyline of a show.

Vincenzo, Ramona, and DJP go to the beach. Eventually, Rocio shows up after not finding them for the longest time. SloppyRon and Sam come out to the beach and the three couples hang out and have a fun beach day. Wait a minute. What show is this? Where’s the alcohol? Where’s the inappropriate touching and ugly kissing and unnecessary slapping in the mouth?

Then Sitch cooks up a large meal and because a pan starts smoking a lot, the fire alarm goes off in the house. The fire department shows up to turn off the alarm. I guess they can’t do it themselves, or the producers were so bored that they told the kids that there was no way to turn it off unless the fire fighters showed up. J-WoWW and Snooki like to look at the firemen. Nothing happens though. No one makes a move. No one flashes a boob or a ball. Yawn yawn.

Oh no. This is how boring this show is—we are now resorting back to SloppyRon and Sam drama to make things interesting. Sam says she thinks she’s exotic-looking. SloppyRon says she looks Asian and he likes it. Sam storms outside, angry, because SloppyRon’s ex is Asian and that must mean that he wants his ex. Snooki says the comment is annoying but he was probably joking. SloppyRon goes outside to see what’s wrong and she breaks it down for him: he said something stupid and she did nothing wrong so he sucks and she rules.

J-WoWW and Snooki decide to create a Hook Up Board. They are trying to prove that all the roomies have swapped spit directly or indirectly. Here’s the board:

Mike: Sam, Snooki, Angelina
Sam and Ron
Pauly: Jenni, Angelina, Snooki – Sidenote: When did DJP and Snooki hook up?
Vinny: Snooki, Angelina

This means that Sitch, DJP, and Vincenzo swapped spit via Angelina and Snooki. Because Sitch and Sam made out, SloppyRon has partaken in the rest of them along with Sam. So everyone has been with everyone and that’s the definition of friendship.

Then Sitch’s car gets towed when he and Vincenzo go tanning. He tries to get a discount to get the car out of impound, but the impound lot doesn’t go for it. His ego isn’t working for him.

Later on, everyone goes out to Tantra. Vincenzo meets up with Ramona who works there. DJP and Sitch are wearing matching outfits. Two blondes from Canadia (that’s what they say) come over to them and they are totally DTF. They go home. Vincenzo gives Ramona a big shirt and shorts and they make out. Meanwhile, DJP and Sitch are outside talking to the girls, trying to figure out how to get them in pajamas and then get them naked. Both boys spray their crotches with cologne. Then Sitch’s girl decides she can’t do anything with him because she has a boyfriend or a financee. So then Sitch gets all mean again and so DJP’s girl leaves also. That’s the second time DJP gets cockblocked. DJP gets a nice kiss goodbye but that’s all.

Sitch continues to bitch and moan and complain about how the girls came over and wanted to leave right away. Over and over he complains. Meanwhile, DJP gets into his white underwear and black socks and climbs into bed, ignoring the ego maniac and dreaming of getting it in with both girls he lost out on.



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