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And THIS Is Why I Love: Jersey Shore: Smacked Again

The bad aura is gone at the Miami house. DJP and Sitch break down and take out Angelina’s bed to get rid of the rest of the bad karma. This process is not easy. They cannot get the bed frame out without breaking things along the way, but they work on it until it’s done because they need the extra space to house extra women and work out occasionally.

To celebrate Angelina’s leaving, the boys get lobsters. Once again, as last summer, Snooki screams about the lobsters. She and JWoWW decide to save one of the lobsters and keep it as a pet in a bowl of water. Vincenzo and DJP see what they are doing and Vincenzo points out that lobsters live in salt water and by putting it in fresh water, they have killed it. That, my friends, is irony.

At dinner, JWoWW says grace by thanking God that the seven of them are left. They toast with champagne. Sam is slightly upset that Angelina is gone now because while she wasn’t the greatest friend, Sam still doesn’t want to be friends with JWoWW or Snooki still. Snooki wants to squash things but JWoWW doesn’t want to let it go because Sam got upset with her for no reason other than telling the truth about what SloppyRon did.

Later on, Snooki approaches Sam in the bedroom to talk to her about the note. Here we go again. Sam wants to talk in the living room. Snooki points out that the note ruined their friendship and she apologizes for everything that is stupid. Sam thanks her and appreciates it and says she has other issues with JWoWW. JWoWW sits down with them and they sit in awkward silence.

Meanwhile, the boys are playing with a beach ball in the hot tub. Love those editors.

Sam refuses to look at JWoWW and will not acknowledge she is there. The two of them sit there seething in silence. This is so stupid. When is this season over? It’s very long, no?

Snooki breaks the silence and says that before the fight, they had a lot of fun. Sam agrees but doesn’t say more. JWoWW says she’s never before chewed her pride, really, and apologized, but she says she’s sorry.

Why? Are they? Apologizing?

Then JWoWW blames Angelina. Well, that’s not right. Snooki wants to have girl time again. Sam doesn’t answer and won’t look at JWoWW. So not girl time. Snooki suggests they go for pedicures and she’ll bring vodka. She thinks things are all good. They are not.

Sam tells SloppyRon she can’t forgive JWoWW. JWoWW tells Snooki she can’t get her nails done with Sam. So that friendship is not coming back any time soon.

GTL time! Sam goes along with DJP and Sitch. Vincenzo stays home and calls Ramona, the girl who stood him up twice in the same day. Why why why why why? Apparently, she apologized so they are going to the beach together. Are there not enough girls in Miami that he is giving her another shot? Vincenzo has a beach bag packed and ready to go and Ramona is late late late. This is ridiculous. He calls and she doesn’t answer and her mailbox is full. The phone rings a while later and it’s some girl who is waiting on the beach for him. He waits five more minutes for Ramona so he calls the, oh wait, it’s two girls. So two random hot girls called him? Then Ramona calls as he’s on his way out and he has a silent conniption. Ramona got lost and finally got to the house and now the other two girls are on their way. This is a fun kind of predicament.

Omigod, Ramona is carrying along a little lap dog. And THAT’S who Vincenzo chooses to go out with. He’s going with his gut feelings. What the? Vincenzo is like one of those girls with really low self-esteem who goes out with guys who treat them poorly. You know, like the girls who go out with Sitch.

They have a picnic date on the beach and he’s smitten because she speaks three languages and is from another country. They go in the water and then play with the dog. She’s happy she showed up. He thinks she’s feeling him. Her cheeks hurt from smiling. He wants her to come out again and makes her promise. They mack it goodbye and she leaves and he’s got a huge smile. Oh, Vincenzo, I hope this works out for you.

Snooki’s friend Ryder is coming for a visit. She calls Snooki all drunk and keeps saying she’s coming tomorrow. Snooki gives the phone to JWoWW and JWoWW tells her explicitly what time to leave to get to the airport. Why is JWoWW in charge of this? Snooki gets back on the phone and tells her not to be drunk. They hang up and SloppyRon points out, you know she’s going to miss the flight. Snooki needs Ryder to come to remind her of back home but it’s really iffy if this girl will show up.

The next day, Ryder shows up. They go shopping. They go for margaritas the size of Snooki’s head. The drinks have two Coronas each turned upside down in the glasses. Then they go out to play pool and drink more and dance.

Later at home, everyone gets ready to go out. Sitch is wearing, well, I don’t know why he thinks it’s a good idea, and everyone in the house makes fun of him, too. Still, it doesn’t matter because some dumb girl is going to hook up with him anyway because he’s smooth and girls are stupid.

Unfortunately, the club is full of grenades. Sitch needs to be extra careful because he’s wearing sunglasses inside. He finds some girl, grabs her, and makes her ride his lap. He dances with some other girls. Sam is disgusted by him. Some girl tells Sitch that he’s way too much. DJP appreciates his game because it makes DJP look better.

Sitch decides he wants to leave so he goes to round up everyone. He gets to Snooki, who does not want to leave. He picks her up to leave with her. She keeps getting upset and then calls him a fucking asshole. She repeats, I will remember that a few times and then tells him to leave her alone. He doesn’t understand why she’s upset because this is what he does every night. Because Sitch thinks he’s the king, and now Snooki has finally had enough of it.

Sitch thinks that Snooki is drunk and doesn’t understand. Yes, she’s drunk, but no, she simply doesn’t want to leave. Then she decides she wants to leave because Sitch ruined her mood. She and Ryder come into the kitchen and Sitch stands there with DJP eating. Snooki doesn’t understand why he didn’t apologize. Sitch complains that Snooki acts as if she’s ten years old. She thinks he’s ruining everything and goes to bed.

The next day, Snooki walks around the house ignoring Sitch. Sitch decides to go out to GTL with DJP. Snooki, JWoWW, and Ryder go to get drinks and lay by the pool. Snooki invites Sam to go so she doesn’t have to stay alone waiting for SloppyRon. Sam doesn’t know what to do—yes she does. She doesn’t want to say it out loud in front of JWoWW. She stays home. SloppyRon comes home with Vincenzo from work. Sam asks SloppyRon if she should have went with them. SloppyRon thinks she’s an adult and can make her own decisions and she shouldn’t ask him what to do. She then asks again. He gives her the same answer.

Snooki and Ryder have their own language of grunting and animal noises. It’s rather annoying. They come home with JWoWW and decide to make drinks out of the stuff in the fridge. Like all the stuff. Ice cream, sangria, vodka, chocolate sauce, nutella, and ice. The two of them do a dance while it blends and then taste it, and it’s disgusting. So they give up on that, grab some RedBull and go to the store to get alcohol and stuff to mix with it. On the way out of the store, they run into Sitch and DJP. Sitch invites them to the club later. He apologizes quickly for something vague and Snooki doesn’t like the type of apology. He thinks she’s a drama queen and decides not to give a better apology.

Back at the house, the girls make more drinks, this time following directions on the mix bottle. Then they draw on the chalkboard. Ryder draws DJP and Sitch and JWoWW and I guess everyone else. Then they drink a pink drink that tastes gross.

While getting ready, Snooki, Ryder, and JWoWW feel each other’s boobs. Then the cabs show up.

At the club, there’s much house dancing and fist pumping. DJP and JWoWW share a fun dance on the couch. Aw, sweet friendship, and that’s not sarcastic.

Vincenzo meets up with Ramona. Then Sitch goes over to her when Vincenzo goes to the bathroom. DJP watches and says he would never do that to his boy. No one should. Sitch is a douche. He grabs her and tells her Vincenzo shouldn’t have left her alone. Vincenzo comes back and Ramona grabs his hat and tells Vincenzo what Sitch said. He’s worried that Sitch would grab her and kiss her just to prove he’s The Situation. Vincenzo wonders if Sitch has a secret obsession with Vincenzo. Then JWoWW and DJP catch Sitch staring at Vincenzo and Ramona.

Sitch sits on the couch with no girl and gets more and more annoyed. Then he walks over to Snooki and hugs her around the neck. Then he kisses her. It’s like a face rape. She pushes him away. Then he tells Snooki that they are leaving. She says they are not leaving. He slaps her in the mouth. She tells him not to tell her they have to go and he tells her to chill and shut up.

Why is Snooki always the one to get hit? That asshole gym teacher last season. This year SloppyRon and Sitch both manhandled her. What the fuck?

Another fight breaks out. It’s all Sitch’s fault. He curses at Snooki for not wanting to leave. As if he told anyone else to leave and they all agreed. What an ass. She tells him to go and he says, Fuck you. Which translates to: I’m so lonely and can’t get a girl and can’t have fun or feel like a man without controlling a dumb girl so I’m going to blame everyone else around me for my insecurities and pick on the person least likely to physically hurt me. Pathetic.

Sitch moves on to JWoWW to tell her that everyone else is going and that she needs to decide. She tells him to ask Snooki and he says he doesn’t care about him. He walks away and JWoWW screams that he’s an asshole. No one understands why Sitch is starting a fight with Snooki or why he’s being negative and sour.

Then Sitch tells SloppyRon they have to leave. SloppyRon ignores him. So he moves on to tell Vincenzo they have to leave. He and Ramona ignore him. Meanwhile, Snooki, Ryder, and JWoWW are shouting in the bathroom about how he’s an asshole because he can’t get a girl. They return to the fun and everyone laughs and smiles and dances and hugs while Sitch remains on the outside looking in. I guess the king of the castle has been overthrown. (I think I’ve been watching too much Gossip Girl).


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