|The Amazing Race’s 17th edition starts later this month, and as I prepare to have not one (the Survivor premiere), not two (the Top Chef finale), but three (the new desserts-only Top Chef) shows to mock/praise this week; I thought I would start ramping up the excitement for the Amazing Race. And it’s not like I needed to, as this video went viral last week.
Before we meet the new Racers – a word about predictions. Usually, mine suck. Of course, predicting the outcome of a reality show is often quite hard to do. I mean who could have predicted Kris Allen or Lee DeWyze as American Idols or that Sandra Diaz-Twine would win TWO editions of Survivor? However, while I did not get the winner of Amazing Race 16 correct in last year’s preview – I just checked my predictions – I think I did pretty well. I had Brent/Caite, the Cowboys and Dan and Boy Jordan crossing the finish line in that order. As you, my fellow Race fans know, just flip the skinny brothers with Miss South Carolina and you have the final order last season. Yay, me!!
Anyway, here are the new teams – info based on what CBS has so kindly provided for us on their Amazing Race site.
TEAM #1 – Andie and Jenna. Birth Mom and Biological Daughter.
ANDIE – From Atlanta. She’s a stay at home mom – I wonder how the children she raised feel about her taking off with the child she gave away? She says she would give 10 percent of the winnings to her kids’ school and to Muscular Dystrophy Association. I hope she knows that it is in writing now. When asked who she would trade places with, she chose a “younger version of herself.” Hmmm, she’s 47 and has connected with her 21 year old biological daughter. A younger version of herself. Mid-life crisis? Perhaps freaky Lifetime movie starring Judith Light and Kristin Bell?
JENNA – Her hobbies are interesting – traveling, movies and the music/nightlife in Athens. What? Greece? Oh wait, she goes to the University of Georgia. I know that because she would switch places with the mascot for a day. Her role models are her parents – which she is showcasing by racing with another woman with “mother” in her title. Really, this is a strange team. She also can’t wait to go without makeup, showering or sleep. Line up guys, this stinky, sleepy lady could be yours.
TEAM #2 – Brook and Claire – Home Shopping Network Hosts.
BROOK – The 27-year-old from San Diego is proud to tell a nation struggling to overcome recession that she makes a six-figure salary in her 20s. Yes, I want to root for you to make more money. She wants to take over for Kelly Ripa someday. Or Giuliana Rancic from E! News. Gotta have ambitions. She’s a self-proclaimed expert on gems and has been to many mines. In your high profile, six-figure salaried job, how have you addressed the slave labor associated with blood diamonds around the world? Brook? Hello? Turn off Regis and Kelly for a minute. Hey, where are you going?
CLAIRE – She’s 30 and from Reno, Nev. She finds food to be the scariest part of travel – I am now hoping for another Meatblock. If she won the million, she would invest it and make another million. Maybe Claire can talk to Andie about how to properly answer this question. She thinks her team can take on anything that doesn’t involve running. It seems she forgot that one of the three words in the title of the show is “RACE”!!!!
TEAM #3 – Chad and Stephanie – Boyfriend/Girlfriend
CHAD – The Operations Manager is proud of his success within IST Management Services. He wishes to one day write a novel and become and Ironman. Not Iron Man. But that would be much cooler. He is worried about being arrested abroad – my advice is to pay your cab driver in Africa. He would want to switch with Matthew McConaughey – presumably not for naked bongo playing. His mom passed away from cancer when he was 18, and I will now stop making fun of him, as we share that tragedy (even though I got lucky to have 16 more years with my mom than he had).
STEPHANIE – However, I can make fun of her. She’s a hair stylist who wants to host a variety show someday. She wants to switch with Celine Dion – in order to properly annoy a much larger segment of the population. She also idolizes Kelly Ripa. She’s previously been a singer in a classic rock band in South Carolina and trained as a swimmer at the Colorado Olympic Training Center. One would assume not at the same time.