home Archive And THIS Is Why I Love: Jersey Shore: Herpes Ruin Everything

And THIS Is Why I Love: Jersey Shore: Herpes Ruin Everything

MTV used to have a strict policy concerning violence. One shot and you’re out of the house. If someone felt threatened, someone else would leave.

Apparently, the Jersey Shore kids are the exception to the rule because going home isn’t a thought in anyone’s mind when the gals start swinging at each other. [url=http://www.realityshack.com/modules/magazine/article.php?articleid=1872]Last week, Sammi started a fight with JWoWW because Vincenzo pointed out that Angelina was talking shit for no reason. [/url]This week, the fight continues, and I still can’t figure out the bleeped word that set it off.

Sammi picks herself up off the ground with a little help and goes after JWoWW who is backed into a corner. JWoWW has Sam’s hair and Sam smacks at JWoWW’s face. SloppyRon and Vincenzo try to pry them apart, and it looks like someone has SloppyRon’s hair as well, but that could be simply the way it looks. Snooki’s hovering over everyone, shouting for them all to stop.

Vincenzo pulls Sammi off and Angelina puts out her arm and yells stop. SloppyRon practically lies on top of JWoWW on the kitchen floor to get her to stay put.

DJ Pauly D on the Ones and Twos miraculously appears in the kitchen. Last we saw him, he was face-down-one-foot-on-the-floor passed out in his bed. This dude is a super hero.

Sammi yells at JWoWW and JWoWW throws something big and bulky from the kitchen counter into the living room.

Vincenzo tells SloppyRon to take Sammi from him. Instead of doing that, SloppyRon tells Vincenzo to shut the fuck up and then pushes him.

If up to this point you haven’t hated SloppyRon, now is the time to start doing so. What. The. Fuck. Why is he pushing Vincenzo? Vincenzo doesn’t fight back. In fact, Superhero DJP gets between them. Vincenzo shouts that he was calling Angelina out on her shit. SloppyRon blames him for the fight between Sammi and JWoWW. Umm, no. It’s not his fault Sammi decided to start a fight with JWoWW when Vincenzo was calling out Angelina for talking behind JWoWW’s back and starting trouble.

Then, when SloppyRon stops pushing and has settled down, Sitch steps in to help. Way to be, Sitch. Way to be.

Angelina then starts screaming, “It’s always me! It’s always me!”

Then Snooki pipes up, “Angelina, it IS always you!” She points out that Angelina plays both sides and that while Snooki and JWoWW wrote the letter, Angelina wrote the letter too.

Sidenote—while all this is going on, Sitch is hugging SloppyRon from behind in the kitchen while SloppyRon is licking his own hand.

Angelina insists she wasn’t involved. Then there’s a lot of screechy yelling from all the girls at each other.

Sammi calls Snooki and JWoWW fucking whores. Then SloppyRon starts yelling at Snooki something about Emilio. What does that have to do with anything? Snooki takes a run at SloppyRon and then storms out with JWoWW and slams the door. Outside, she curses out Sammi and Angelina. Sitch’s sister hugs Snooki and says that she did the best she could with the best intentions.

When JWoWW comes back inside, SloppyRon says, “I bet everyone is laughing at Tom,” who is JWoWW’s boyfriend. Again, what does that have to do with anything? JWoWW picks up a heavy glass plate from the counter and goes to throw it at SloppyRon who has backed up into the living room. Vincenzo gets a piece of it and then grabs JWoWW. She yells at him to get off of her as Sammi chucks a metal thing at JWoWW. It bounces off of her and Vincenzo.

JWoWW interviews that Sammi gets balls when she has SloppyRon around to protect her. That’s very true. She could have had this fight a lot sooner. She chose to pick a fight when everyone was there.

Snooki and JWoWW go to their room. They don’t understand the reason Sammi is mad.

Outside, Sammi asks the guys if she looked like a pussy. They tell her that she got the better of JWoWW and made JWoWW look bad.

Really? Maybe it looked different in the actual room, but from the outside looking in, JWoWW totally pounded Sammi and Sammi got to hit JWoWW only when the guys got in the way. Proving JWoWW’s point—Sammi won’t fight unless someone else is there to help her.

When they all go inside, SloppyRon asks Vincenzo to stay outside. He apologizes for pushing him. He didn’t want to fight. Vincenzo says it’s all good. I don’t. I say Vincenzo should leave SloppyRon in the dark on a seedy street in Miami the next time he’s drunk. That’ll learn him.

Inside, Angelina tells Sammi that Vincenzo is the biggest trouble maker and she can’t wait until they are both back on Staten Island. Then she tells Sitch’s sister that Vincenzo tried to fuck Snooki. Proving Vincenzo’s point that started this whole ordeal—Angelina can’t keep her trap shut and mind her own business. She’s one of those people who you just want to shake. When Vincenzo walks through the living room, she whispers, Jerkoff, and gives him the finger to his back. Which is a real pussy move.

The next day, the kitchen is chock full of hair extensions and fake fingernails. Sammi is basking in the glow of kicking JWoWW’s ass (which she didn’t really do). She, SloppyRon, and JWoWW have to go to work together. JWoWW calls her boss to say she can’t go to work because she has to get her nails fixed. Sammi has also lost nails but goes to work with SloppyRon anyway.

I really want to know what Sammi feels when she watches this season and sees that she picked a fight with the wrong person.

DJP and Vincenzo go to the beach because it’s such a nice day. They see all really hot girls there. They meet two of them and I’m pretty sure they give the girls each other’s names. Like one of them says he’s Ronnie. They realize quickly that one of the girls has a herpe on her lip and leave it to the cameramen and editors to zoom in on that sucker. It could be a herpe sore but it also looks like she may have bitten her lip. Better safe than sorry. This kind of caution is shocking. Had it been nighttime at a club and had they been drinking, I don’t think they would have walked away. Not that they would think differently about herpes, but they probably wouldn’t have noticed. They tell the girls they have to leave because they are getting too tan.

Sammi and SloppyRon arrive home from work as Vincenzo, Sitch, and Angelina go to the gelato shop. Sitch tells Angelina he’s proud of her that she’s gotten better. Angelina says that she knows people still talk about her and she thinks Vincenzo is ugly and he needs to stop thinking otherwise. So basically, she doesn’t like Vincenzo because he called her out on her crap.

Then the guy from the club Jose arrives while wearing a suit and gives her a white watch. Sitch thinks that the Fossil watch cost somewhere between 30 and 50 dollars and so Angelina should sleep with him.

Sammi is excited to spend some time with SloppyRon alone. He’s not very romantic so the few times he does do something romantic, she really appreciates it because it shows he cares. So she’s grasping at straws to find something to love. They go to dinner and she thanks him for being there for her. Like when he sat on JWoWW. Or like when he went after Vincenzo. They plan to smush later. And nothing says romance like a promise to smush after dinner. These two deserve each other.

JWoWW and Snooki go out to grab food while Vincenzo and Sitch lounge in the Jacuzzi. Sammi, SloppyRon, and DJP return home and DJP yells, Two dudes in a Jacuzzi! God, I love him. Vincenzo pulls Sammi over to ask if she’s mad at him. She says that she doesn’t know why he started trouble. He explains that he didn’t want her involved at all and it was all about Angelina talking shit and causing trouble. Sammi doesn’t want to hang out with JWoWW and Snooki because they aren’t real and she can’t hang out with the guys all the time. Vincenzo says that they are real and that Angelina did tell them what to put in the note.

In the living room, Angelina shows DJP what Jose bought for her and he says, Oh that’s nice, meaning, yup I don’t care. She says that Jose was all spiffed out and gave her the present. DJP calls Jose a good kid and says Angelina has to let him hit that. She says no. He says, But he got you a Fossil watch. Then DJP asks SloppyRon if she should let him hit that. Angelina goes out with Jose to eat.

Sitch, his sister, DJP, Vincenzo, Sammi, and SloppyRon go out to shoot pool. JWoWW and Snooki arrive, not knowing that the rest of them are there. That defines awkward. SloppyRon and Sammi don’t know why they would even go there. Umm, because it’s a public place and the rest of the house has no problem with them, and as JWoWW just said, they didn’t know you were there. Jackasses. They sit and complain that JWoWW and Snooki are low-lives. Sammi asks Sitch’s sister to visit again so she has someone to talk to who’s normal.

Meanwhile, JWoWW and Snooki are not saying anything about the moody couple and are playing pool with the rest of the group who has no problem with them being there. Then Angelina and Jose arrive and she sees the great divide between who’s playing at each pool table. Sammi tells Angelina she’ll have to talk to her later about things.

Sitch’s sister leaves the house the next day. Sammi and Angelina sit on the couch to talk about the note. Angelina says she didn’t tell JWoWW and Snooki what to write in the note. Sammi asks how they would know what to write since Angelina was at the club when all the stuff happened with SloppyRon and JWoWW and Snooki were not. Sammi thinks Angelina means well but also tries to be on everyone’s side. Angelina doesn’t want Sammi to be best friends with JWoWW and Snooki again. Sammi says she won’t ever be friends with JWoWW but maybe Snooki. Sammi calls herself a 100% real person. Angelina says, So am I. No you’re not.

JWoWW and Snooki go to the beach to talk about the difference between white people and tan people.

As they all lounge around the living room . . . hang on a second. The conversation here looks like it happened the night of the fight because they all seem to be in the same spots as they were that night, and I’m too lazy to rewind, but I think they’re wearing all the same outfits as they were that night too. Highly suspicious. I could be wrong, but with the way the editing happens on these shows, I wouldn’t be surprised. Anyway, DJP points out the tension in the house. Angelina says that Vincenzo is a trouble maker and can’t wait to trash him when they get home to Staten Island.

So she’s going to trash him and he’s the trouble maker. Got it.

Angelina is pissed that no one cares that Vincenzo started the big fight between Sammi and JWoWW. Vincenzo didn’t start that fight. Sammi started it; she took the opportunity to start it. Vincenzo explains that he wanted everyone to confront Angelina for talking about other people’s business and it had nothing to do with Sammi. Angelina asks why he had to get involved. Vincenzo calls her shady. She says he brings home dirty grenades. He calls her dirty. She says she’s not. He says, “Okay the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island; you’re more like the Rob Kardashian, you ugly bitch.” At which point, DJP’s eyes pop out of his head.

I don’t like the word bitch. However, I’ll make an exception. Vincenzo’s gotten too much shit this episode. He gets a pass.

That sets Angelina off and she calls him a fucking 22 year old fucking pussy. She tells him to go fuck himself. Vincenzo doesn’t say anything in the hopes that she’ll shut up. [url=http://www.realityshack.com/modules/magazine/article.php?articleid=1841]She has a problem with that. She doesn’t shut up even if no one answers her.[/url]

Out in the Jacuzzi, Vincenzo and Sitch tell SloppyRon that Sammi got respect by simply stepping to JWoWW. When SloppyRon goes inside, they decide that SloppyRon got off scot-free. Sitch interviews that SloppyRon basically peed on Sammi. Sammi knows what he did and is still with him. Like believing in Santa Clause. And then he points out that Santa is dead. He should work in a children’s hospital.

And now it’s time to go out, get drunk, and hook up. Vincenzo sees the most beautiful girl in Miami and she comes to him. She works at Hooters. Angelina sees Vincenzo talking to her and thinks she’s a grenade and feels bad for girls who fall for Vincenzo’s lines.

Angelina, why do you care? THIS is the problem.

Snooki sees a cute guy in the DJ booth—NOT DJP—and dances with him. Like Spanish people. Her words, not mine. She’s excited for him to go home with her and get it in. Again, her words, not mine.

When they get home, DJP and Sitch greatly approve of whom Vincenzo has brought home on his own with no help from the boys. Meanwhile, the guy Snooki brought home is cooking. She wants to cuddle. When he’s full, they go hook up in her room where JWoWW is trying to sleep and hides under her blanket. It’s a combination of moaning and getting-to-know-you first date chatter. That’s a whole new definition of speed dating.

The next morning, JWoWW says she’s pissed at Snooki for keeping her up and then laughs. Snooki swears she didn’t smush; she got what she needed and went to bed. JWoWW says she didn’t because she was up all night.

Vincenzo, JWoWW, and Sammi go to work together. Sammi doesn’t understand why JWoWW comes near her when Sammi obviously doesn’t like her. Maybe because it’s a small gelato store. Sammi tells their boss that they are not friends anymore because JWoWW is a lunatic and an ugly beast and it’s the worst day of her life. If this is the worst day of her life, she’s pretty lucky.

Is this the longest episode ever or what?

The gang gets ready to go out when Jose calls and tells Angelina to behave, which is apparently the funniest thing in the world. She decides she’s going to hook up with someone because Jose asked her not to.

This is how my boyfriend explained it to me. Oh, yeah, btw, I have a boyfriend. Anyway, he said that if he’s interested in a girl, like really interested, and she dates other people, he’s not going to call her anymore because he’s not putting effort into something she thinks is a joke. If he’s dating just to date and isn’t invested, he doesn’t care if she goes out with someone else. But if he really likes her and she’s out with other people, he’s not going after that. Of course, this was all before he met me. In this case, Jose obviously really likes Angelina. Instead of thinking that it’s sweet, she wants to get the better of him and make out with other people. Which is really crappy.

Cabs are here again. DJP thinks this is the greatest thing in the world. It’s the second time he’s screamed it this episode. Everyone goes out except JWoWW and Snooki. Snooki invites her guy over to get it in, but JWoWW can’t take it two nights in a row. So they decide to clean out the smush room so Snooki can use it. They find condom wrappers—including a magnum which they think is Vincenzo’s—and put new sheets on the bed. Snooki doesn’t like her guy’s name, Dennis, but is proud she put new sheets on the bed for him. He calls to say he’s going to come over soon. Snooki asks if he has friends to bring over for JWoWW to chill with, not to smush. Snookie hangs up and complains that he called her mommy which is a turnoff.

Snooki lotions up and perfumes everywhere. She puts lotion on her butt just in case the smush happens. Dennis arrives with a large man in tow. Apparently, he’s a man grenade grundle chode. Snooki makes them drinks and thinks Dennis is an idiot for bringing a friend like that knowing what JWoWW looks like. Oh, it’s all kinds of awkward as JWoWW decides to go to bed. Snooki makes Dennis kick his friend out like the guys would do.

At the club, the boys and girls are dancing and having a good time. One of the girls falls on the floor. I don’t know who it is, but it’s Hil. Air. Eee. Us. They pile into a taxi at about 4 in the morning. Then, Angelina and Vincenzo start making out in the back seat next to DJP, who explains Angelina thinks like a guy and Vincenzo is a guy so they both want to get laid. When they stop kissing for a second, the boys rub Vincenzo’s head. Then someone asks to stop off so Vincenzo can buy a Fossil watch so he can get in there. That? Is also Hil. Air. Eee. Us. I wonder if Fossil watches is enjoying the free advertising.

When they get home, Vincenzo tells Angelina to go to his room to smush. They can’t go to the smush room because they hear Snooki in there, and she yells for them to go away. Vincenzo and Angelina go to Vincenzo’s bed and DJP wants to know what exactly is going on. Vincenzo says they need some privacy. Angelina is like omigod Vinny what do you mean but she stays because his bed is comfortable and he’s cute. She called him ugly not even two days earlier. DJP thinks this is hilarious because Vincenzo nicknamed Angelina the Staten Island Dump and now, they’re totally doin’ it.

Only can Jersey Shore begin with a cat fight and end with a smush. [url=http://www.realityshack.com/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=2666&forum=13&post_id=42212#forumpost42212]Chat in the forums.[/url]



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