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And THIS Is Why I Love Reality TV: Jersey Shore: Passing Notes And Other High School Antics



No one wants to get involved. Everyone is involved. You know what I’m talking about[url=http://www.realityshack.com/modules/magazine/article.php?articleid=1858]: the ongoing saga of SloppyRon and NaiveSammi[/url]. JWoWW and Snooki tell Angelina that they typed up the note and Angelina says she doesn’t want to be involved. Snooki says they feel bad about knowing and not telling Sammi and they know it will break her heart and affect their friendship with SloppyRon.

Really? They have that much of a friendship with SloppyRon. [url=http://www.realityshack.com/modules/magazine/article.php?articleid=1853]It was only two weeks ago that SloppyRon threatened Snooki and pushed her around in the club. [/url]That’s the kind of friendship they do not want to jeopardize. Angelina insists she knows nothing. JWoWW tells her that the note needs to remain anonymous. Angelina says she knows nothing. Again.

Soon enough, it’s time to go out again, so JWoWW finds proper attire, aka a boob shirt, and spends a good amount of time in the mirror adjusting her boobs. Pushin’ ‘em up. Lettin’ ‘em fall. They don’t fall really. They seem to do so only because she keeps jackin’ ‘em up into her chin. How does this girl not have back problems?

Snooki puts on the sunglasses she can’t see out of, the ones she spent $300 for, and the two gals go out. They meet up with two gay guys during Gay Pride Week and they dance.

Meanwhile at Klutch, the boys are ignoring Gay Pride week.

Snooki and JWoWW get home and Snooki calls Emilio. She tells him about their night and he gets offended that she (1) danced with gay guys and (2) even mentions gay guys to him because he does not care about gay guys. He doesn’t want to hear about gay guys making out. She tells him she wish she knew he was like that before she fell in love with him. Awww, poor Snooki. She yells at him because she misses him and tells him that she hates him and he ruined his second chance and he should never call the house again. JWoWW claps for her. The phone rings. Snooki picks up and slams it down.

Meanwhile at Klutch, the boys are inviting back every girl in the club. They wind up bringing back two girls and then two more appear at the other door calling for Sitch.

Light bulb! DTF = Down To Fuck! I don’t know why I couldn’t figure that out last week.

Since they have a big house, Sitch decides to keep some girls in one part of the house and some girls in the other part of the house and one of the girls is a grenade. With some maneuvering, he manages to do just that. DJP and Vincenzo help Sitch hatch a plan for each of them to get a girl and make sure the grenade doesn’t find out—each of them will take a girl and the grenade will go to sleep in SloppyRon’s room.

This plan? Works. These girls? Are dumb.

The next morning, the girls leave and the guys discuss tanning, laundry, and cooking. They decide that Angelina needs to clean the house because she doesn’t do anything.

SloppyRon kisses Sammi goodbye and she thinks it’s perfect.

Angelina talks on the phone all day because she can care less about cleaning.

The boys arrive home to find the kitchen not clean and Angelina on the phone. Sitch shouts to Angelina to ask if she can please clean the kitchen when she’s off the phone. She says she cleaned the bathroom. He shouts that she’s a dirty mess and doesn’t do anything. The two of them shout and scream at each other about dirty dishes and how she needs to go on the treadmill. I don’t know how her exercise routine is relevant to this fight.

The boys cook and talk about Angelina being excluded from Asparagus Night while Angelina sits on the couch and hears them. Sitch tells her that he didn’t mean to say some of the things he said and he’s sorry. She jumps down his throat and he yells about her not letting him apologize. She stops, he apologizes, and then they hug so he doesn’t exclude her from Ravioli Night.

Everyone eats. Snooki eats sadly. DJP offers to have Emilio taken care of because he doesn’t like to see Snooki sad. She says she’s gonna go out and party because she’s now single. The girls clean up and Sammi offers to cook the next week so that the boys can clean while they make a really big mess.

Snooki burns pictures of Emilio, one of which was from Sushi Samba, where she paid. That shit is expensive. They all watch and help her. It’s kind of weird that they’re all standing there.

JWoWW and Snooki go to a closet to decide when to give Sammi the note. They don’t care how well or not things are going between Sammi and SloppyRon right now, so they put the note in one of her drawers. Then they wait.

[b]Let. The games. Begin.[/b]

The next morning, JWoWW, Snooki, and Sitch head to work in the rain. Sitch is wearing a red hot jumpsuit. And white sneakers. I’m not kidding.

Sammi gets up and gets ready for the day. And then? She. Finds. The. Note.

[b]Round 1.[/b]

Sammi asks Vincenzo to go into the bedroom with her. She asks if anything in the notes is true. He asks who wrote the note. He says he really doesn’t know.

[b]Round 2.[/b]

Sammi asks DJP to go into the bedroom with her. She says she needs a friend because the girls aren’t there. She shows him the note and asks if it’s true. He says he definitely didn’t see any of that happen.

Cut to: footage of SloppyRon triple kissing and DJP tapping Vincenzo on the shoulder and pointing and laughing in amazement.

Have I mentioned how much I love editors?

Sammi interviews that she knew the guys probably wouldn’t say anything but wanted to see if they would. They she says she’s not stupid and she can tell when something is not right and when something is going on.

Let me say that again: Sammi says that she can tell when something is not right and when something is going on.

Let’s all take in that moment of complete self-delusion.

At the gelato shop, Snooki and JWoWW discuss how they didn’t sleep last night because they were terrified about Sammi finding the note. They don’t want to deal with the drama.

[b]Round 3.[/b]

Vincenzo whispers to SloppyRon that Sammi found a note saying what he did at the clubs with all those girls. SloppyRon gets upset because now he can’t eat his food because he’s pissed. He interviews that the note is anonymous and the jerkoffs should man up and say who wrote it.

Let me say that again: SloppyRon is pissed that people in the house aren’t being forthcoming. This from the guy who has been sloppily hooking up with girls and then climbing into bed with a girl he supposedly cares about not even a half hour afterwards and not telling her. Why isn’t he telling her? Because it’s gross and he knows it and if he told her, she wouldn’t want to be with him. So now SloppyRon is upset because he’s being found out and won’t be able to get with Sammi anymore, but he says he’s upset because the note is anonymous and people can’t mind their own business.

You know what really makes SloppyRon such a douchetool? The fact that HE can’t man up to anything he does. That’s the difference between him and DJP. DJP is straight up. SloppyRon can’t face himself in the mirror. He may be more pathetic than Angelina was in the beginning of the season.

[b]Round 4.[/b]

SloppyRon goes into Sammi’s bedroom and asks what the note is. She’s like, you tell me; I found this. He reads it, studies it, and knows that it can’t be from Snooki because the note uses the word “wisely.” Sammi crawls under the covers and he insists on talking to her. She goes, no it’s okay and tries to turn away from him. He, knowing that he’s in deep shit, pulls her around and says it’s not okay and he needs to explain.

Jesus, SloppyRon, this is not your time to make demands. You fucked up! You scummed out! You do not get to run the show!

He tells her at close-face-range that yes he danced with girls and took shots from waitress’s boobs. He says that he got a number but didn’t do the other things. Why does he think that telling half the truth after she knows it will help his cause? Sammi, finally, wises up and says that if he’s admitting to doing some of it then all of it must be true. As if doing only some of it would be better for SloppyRon.

He says that he loves her more than anything and she wants him to go away. He says he made a mistake because he was hurt. She gets up to go to the bathroom.

Here’s why SloppyRon is an even bigger douchetool than before: he interviews that he can talk his way out of the situation and laughs. He’s laughing during the interview. Douche. Tool.

SloppyRon goes on a rampage through the house to find out who wrote the letter. He’s so pissed because it’s anonymous. Vincenzo and DJP tell Angelina about what’s going on and she sits there hiding behind her sunglasses on the couch because she doesn’t know anything. Again.

At the gelato shop, JWoWW and Snooki are freaking out, scared to go home. They get scared whenever the phone rings because they think it’s going to be someone from the house.

[b]Round 5.[/b]

SloppyRon storms through the house again and orders Sam to sit down and talk to him. She says they share a house and she loves him and he interrupts and says he loves her and made a mistake. She asks him if he made out with anybody. He says he doesn’t remember making out with anybody and also he doesn’t think so.

Cut to: footage of SloppyRon getting lap dances and making out with girls.

Editors, I heart you.

Plus, even if he doesn’t remember, he rehashed the whole thing with DJP the next day so any way he spins it, he knows he triple kissed and did other sloppy things with other girls several times. He also dry humped the air while speaking Spanish, but that wasn’t in the note so I guess it’s not up for discussion at this time.

He tells Sammi that he got a girl’s number. She’s sick because she came home crying and he climbed into her bed. She walks away to cry in the shower and he follows her. She says she hasn’t done anything. He says he hasn’t either. I guess he has short term memory loss and can’t recall admitting not more than two seconds ago that he got a girl’s number. He then says he threw away the number. She doesn’t care if he threw it away because he still got the number. He insists that he’s been dedicated to her after that first night. She says that he can go do whatever he wants because it’s done and then goes to cry in her bed.

Vincenzo and DJP toss around ideas about what to do. DJP suggests, gym, tanning, and find out who wrote the note. Vincenzo agrees: GTF. They go out with SloppyRon and Angelina for the day.

[b]Round 6.[/b]

JWoWW calls the house to talk to Angelina to see if Sammi found the letter. Umm, weren’t she and Snooki terrified of hearing from the house. Then, for some reason that escapes me, JWoWW is surprised that Sammi answers the phone. Sammi asks if she wrote a note. JWoWW answers, What? Sammi asks again and then says, Nnnnooooo ,what are you talking about? JWoWW asks if Sammi is okay and reminds her that she and Snooki weren’t at Klutch or BED because they went home with Sammi. JWoWW and Snooki both deny writing anything. JWoWW explains what’s going on at home to Sitch and they go home to see the note after work.

[b]Round 7.[/b]

Sammi leaps out of the shower to show the girls the note. They laugh because they already know what it says. Sitch comes in and reads it out loud and laughs because it says that SloppyRon made out with fat girls. Sammi tells him not to laugh and he says it’s funny. Then, because Sitch is really bad at having someone’s back (even though I don’t think he should back up SloppyRon, I don’t think anyone should, but still, he sucks at it), he goes I’m laughing at the fat chicks because it’s the truth. Sammi goes, so it’s true?

Dun dun DUN!!!!

In a feat of backpedaling like no other, Sitch goes, well, no, you know, if it’s on paper, it’s the truth.

That? Is the worst lie ever but since Sammi is really naïve, I don’t know if she believes him.

JWoWW reminds Sammi that she wasn’t there for any of it, but if it’s true, she needs to not be with him. She reminds her that SloppyRon crawled into bed with her after he came home those nights. If it’s true, it’s gross. Sammi wonders if they knew, if someone told them. She asks if Angelina wrote it. They don’t know. Snooki says they’ll find out who wrote it. JWoWW thinks her job is done. Because lying to Sammi’s face about not writing the note is okay? Apparently so.

[b]Round 8.[/b]

SloppyRon, DJP, Vincenzo, and Angelina return home. Sitch catches SloppyRon and begins…someone left a note and it’s about you and… Then they’re all like, yeah we know. Hahhahahhahahaaaaa. Sitch thinks he’s all on top of things; meanwhile, he was the last to know. Hahahhahaa.

[b]Round 9.[/b]

SloppyRon won’t talk to JWoWW or Snooki because he thinks they had a part in writing the note. They sense that he’s mad. Big deal—one less douchetool to deal with.

[b]Round 10.[/b]

Sammi tries to go to the bathroom in peace. SloppyRon wants to talk to her. She asks why he deserves any of her time anymore. EXACTLY! But he doesn’t get it and acts as if he is entitled to the world. She goes to lie on her bed and cry and ignore him and he starts yelling at her that either she wants it or she doesn’t.

Really? I thought it was clear a few hours ago when he first came at her that she didn’t want it. But now he’s being even more delusional that she is and thinks that he has the upper hand and says that it’s her last chance and if she doesn’t say she wants it he’s taking it as she doesn’t and it’s over and she needs to remember that she’s the one who made the decision, not him.

Do you ever wish you could punch someone through the television screen? Now, I’m not a violent person, but I understand why someone would want to go at him with any implement in the Nerf family.

Sammi lies on her bed. SloppyRon goes to the phone and calls some girl from home to say he can’t wait to see her when she visits.

Really, what’s worse than being a gigantic douchetool? Because that’s what SloppyRon is

Sammi overhears the conversation, walks out to the phone, and asks who he’s talking to. He hands up and says it was a guy. She doesn’t believe him. For once. He goes to lie on his bed and she follows to call him stupid, dumb, and selfish. She asks if he realizes she’s hurting. He accuses her of stringing him along. She says she should have cut him from day one. He agrees. They weirdly start calling each other bro. THEN he says, This is your chance right now.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!??! SloppyRon is soooooo delusional! You are not calling the shots here!

She walks out, saying he’s wrong. He tells her, walk away bye bye.

And so ends the saga of Sammi and SloppyRon. After ten rounds, I think Sammi’s up a few points. However, the saga of Who Wrote The Note? continues, which means plenty more rounds are still to come.

Did YOU write the note? I mean, who else could have? [url=http://www.realityshack.com/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=2666&forum=13&post_id=42212#forumpost42212]Chat about it in the forums.[/url]

:banana4:


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