home Archive And THIS Is Why I Love: Jersey Shore: How Do You Spell Naive? S. A. M.

And THIS Is Why I Love: Jersey Shore: How Do You Spell Naive? S. A. M.

I got it this time. The IFF is the I’s Fucked Foundation, of which SloppyRon is the president and a member. He’s out at the club, mackin’ it with girls while his “girlfriend” Sammi is home. Snooki and JWoWW walk home, pondering how to wear white while you have your period. Snooki calls Emilio when she gets home and they wind up yelling because he’s in a loud place with half-naked girls and she thinks he’s a douchebag. Which is why “the lesbian rate is going up in this country.” God, I love this show.

They head into the bedroom where Sammi asks if they think SloppyRon is playing around. Sammi thinks they know something. JWoWW says she doesn’t know anything but she thinks SloppyRon is probably doing something. Snooki says that he chose to go to the club instead of snuggling with her. Then she calls it a big ball of fuckness, a new word. Sammi will be upset if she finds out they know something and they don’t tell her. So they don’t tell her what they know. Instead, they sit there awkwardly.

Angelina continues to witness SloppyRon’s grinding penchant at the club. She’s not Sammi’s friend so she doesn’t care.

Snooki and JWoWW feel like shit in the backyard for not telling Sammi. She comes out, wondering where the boys are because the boys aren’t back yet. The girls say that Angelina is the only girl with the boys. Even though Snooki was out with the boys the other night when she saw SloppyRon mackin it and he pushed her. JWoWW says Sammi should find out if he’s with someone for “physical reasons.” I think she means health reasons. Otherwise, I don’t know what that means.

Emilio calls the house and tells Snooki: “I fucked this girl tonight. I’m sorry.” She’s like, Are you serious? So then he changes it and says he met a girl who fucked him. Basically, there was sex involved with a girl and he wants to say it in as many ways possible. Snooki tells JWoWW what he just told her and JWoWW breaks the 4th wall for a moment, giving the camera a raised-eyebrow look that says, oh shit, and it’s priceless. Snooki tells him to never call the house again. Then he starts laughing and says that he’s only kidding. She yells at him to go fuck himself numerous times, asks why he would kid about that, and hopes that he dies, and hangs up on him.

The phone rings at the house. JWoWW answers and doesn’t let him speak. She threatens to call the cops or take the first flight out to him to presumably kick his ass but she doesn’t get that far because Emilio asks if this is voicemail. So the three of them start cracking up because he’s obviously very, very stupid. She hangs up on him.

The phone rings again. JWoWW pretends to be voicemail and gives him a BEEP and he yells Hello? Hello? She explains that they have gorgeous guys at their door and Snooki can get it in while she’s here and he’s an unemployed loser. Snooki is so happy that she breaks a plate outside and tells Angelina, who’s not there, that she can pick it up in the morning.

The boys and Angelina get back to the house. The house is a mess with broken dishes outside!! No, it’s one dish and whatever mess is there is from all of you. They find Snooki in the kitchen who tells them about Emilio and Angelina tells her she’s beautiful and doesn’t need that. SloppyRon goes straight to bed and Sammi is upset he didn’t come in to say hi after she waited up for him. She goes into his room and asks if the club was worth it. Then she explains that she was waiting for him like a bitch. He says she is a bitch. She asks why he went and he says that everyone heard her tell him to go out if he wanted to. She says it was a test. He interviews that he didn’t go to college because he hates tests and any test in front of him he’ll fail.

Let’s all take in that moment of clarity.

She tells him Fuck you. He says he’s fucked every day with her. She cries and he doesn’t like to see her cry but he’s not going to hold back his feelings. She screams that she’s over him and she’s not waiting for him anymore so fuck him fuck him.

All the girls, including Angelina—yeah, I know—go out to eat. Sammi went out to hang with the girls and not think about SloppyRon. Angelina complains about how she went out last night and Sitch, DJP, and Vincenzo all have girls and she’s standing by herself. She tells Sammi that she didn’t see SloppyRon do anything last night but she doesn’t keep an eye on him all the time. Then JWoWW says she’s allergic to pecans.

Sitch is busy cooking Sunday dinner since Snooki dared to open the refrigerator and allowed the precariously placed chicken to fall onto the floor, ruining the meal. Sitch successfully drops a pot of sauce on the floor, ruining serf and turf night. Snooki pops open champagne and almost takes out SloppyRon. Sitch opens the fridge and the milk falls out. Somehow, they make it to the dinner table with some food to eat that hasn’t fallen on the floor.

For nice family-like conversation, they talk about the club last night. Angelina tells them it was funny when some blonde tried to dance with SloppyRon and he was like get away. The guys get uncomfortable and SloppyRon tries to give obvious hand-signals for her to shut up. Seriously, if Sammi doesn’t know by now what he’s been up to, she’s really naïve.

The gang then plays the Question Bowl game where they pull a question out of a bowl and answer it. Really? That’s what you’re doing now? Really? Umm, okay. But really? Are you at least drinking while playing? Or playing in the hot tub? Or is someone naked? This is really not very Jersey Shore like. JWoWW, Snooki, and Angelina get into club gear to play, and the guys tell Angelina she looks bad. Vincenzo says she looks like she’s wearing a garbage bag.

The first question: Who is the president of the IFF club? The guys and Angelina laugh and say Ron! Sammi is like, what is that? SloppyRon says it’s Snooki.

The second question: What guy and girl would you have a threesome with in the house? Snooki says JWoWW and Vincenzo. JWoWW says Snooki and DJP. SloppyRon says Sam and Vin…or just me and Vin.

The third question Sammi pulls out and wonders who wrote it: Which guy in the house would take a dump on my chest? No one answers. Everyone laughs. Except Sammi.

Angelina reads question four: Have you ever cheated on your boyfriend or girlfriend? No. One. Is. Laughing. Now. SloppyRon says, No, well, yeah, everyone’s cheated before. It’s aaaawwwwwkkkkkkwwwwwaaaarrrrrrdddddddd.

The boys go into the backyard and Sitch, the wise one, tells SloppyRon that he got yelled at last night for going out and Sammi is gonna catch on. The guys want him to have fun. He says he is having fun and they all laugh, with SloppyRon’s laugh the loudest. He? Is a douche tool.

SloppyRon goes back inside and asks Sammi if she’ll go to bed with him. He lies on her on the couch and she lets him but doesn’t move, as if she’s part of the couch.

The next day, the boys go to the gym and Sitch explains: you need to GTL to stay FTD to get the girls to DTF in MIA. Umm, okay. Here’s my crack at it. Gym/Tan/Laundry to stay Fit To Death to get the girls to Do The Floss in Miami. Dunk The Fart? Dip The Funk. Drink The Foot. Dab The Flea?

JWoWW, Snooki, and Angelina go to a diner to eat outside. They talk about how Sammi looks like a fool and they look like assholes because they know. This is all they talk about now. I think that they might not tell her because if they do, they won’t have anything to talk about. JWoWW lists a bunch of things that SloppyRon has done. She comes up with a self-proclaimed genius idea that they can go to a place and write an anonymous letter to Sammi and no matter how drunk they all get, the guys cannot know they did it. Because if they don’t tell, the guys will think a private investigator sent it.

At home, SloppyRon makes drinks that the girls think are too strong and he says he’ll chug it. They talk about grenade watch and SloppyRon and Sammi get into a tiff about how he does or does not pick up ugly girls.

At the club, Sammi and SloppyRon fight. She says she didn’t start it. He tells her to have fun with the girls. He says that at this point, it’s what has to be done. He blames her. She says he’ll never find someone like her. She tells Snooki she hates him and is done. She wants to go out. They already are out. Vincenzo beckons them over to go to BED to be drama-free. The boys left SloppyRon by himself and Sammi goes back because she wants to tell him where they’re going. She makes JWoWW and Snooki go with her. JWoWW doesn’t know why she’s running back to him. She thinks if she makes an effort, it’s on him then. They see him getting into a cab and he tells the driver to keep going so she can’t talk to him.

Sammi tells the girls that she’s done because literally tonight she didn’t do anything to be treated this way. JWoWW points out that she hasn’t done anything to him all week and she’s still with him. Sammi’s done. Again. She walks to BED, crying.

SloppyRon tumbles out of the cab into, guess where, BED. Why did he have to take a cab and they walked? Sammi doesn’t understand why he’s there. She dances with the girls. Then SloppyRon comes over to earn his nickname one more time. He tells Sammi, completely unprovoked: I hate you so much because I love you. What the fuck, SloppyRon? Are you vying for Douche Tool of the Century? He then walks away to dance with the boys. Sammi wonders if he’s really fucked up right now. Ya think?

He comes over and tells her that he doesn’t need her and he hates her and he loves her. She takes him outside to take care of him. He stumbles around and I don’t know how he doesn’t fall and take her with him. He’s so wasted but she somehow gets him to bed. Like at home bed. Not the club.

Everyone else arrives home. Sammi asks Snooki what she should do. Snooki tells her she has no words. Sammi will take care of SloppyRon but they’re not together. Meanwhile, SloppyRon kneels up on his bed and falls off. Then he stands up and falls over. Really, Sammi? You want to be with this?

Hold on, Sammi. It gets better. SloppyRon gets up and pukes. A lot.

Really, Sammi? I don’t feel bad anymore. She takes care of him while he pukes. They sit on the couch and she tells him she took care of him. He says she started the fighting last night but he still loves her. She still loves him. She feeds him whatever the heck she’s eating from a plastic cup. He burps really loudly and laughs.

DJP and Vincenzo scoop ice cream at work. Vincenzo spoons and DJP forks. They hit on girls. They make fun of girls. They want stupid girls. DJP offers to help girls work off calories later. Vincenzo wonders if they have a butter-face flavor. These two should take this act on the road.

JWoWW and Snooki go out to a cyber café to complete JWoWW’s genius plan. They write all the details of exactly what SloppyRon has been up to. I’m surprised they aren’t including cup sizes. They state that multiple people in the house know because if they go down, they’re taking everyone with them.

Sammi confronts Angelina to say that if she knows something and doesn’t tell her, then she will never be her friend again. Angelina asks, What about your other friends? Sammi says, Same thing. Angelina doesn’t want to get involved in Sammi’s shit. Sammi insists that Angelina should say if she knows something. Angelina says that now that they’re friends, she would say something if she witnessed anything.

Sitch and DJP go to do laundry and the laudromat is closed. IT’S CLOSED! Now it’s only GT. What will happen now? Will the girls DTF in MIA with only the GT and not the L?

When the girls come home, Angelina tells JWoWW what Sammi was asking about. JWoWW wants to be sure Angelina didn’t insinuate that she and Snooki knew anything. Angelina says it was hard to listen to Sammi. She didn’t want to tell Sammi because she didn’t want to be the one to cause all the trouble in the house and doesn’t want to be involved. Snooki says that she is involved because everyone is. Snooki tells Angelina that [url=http://www.realityshack.com/modules/magazine/article.php?articleid=1853]SloppyRon gets nasty when confronted[/url]because he threatened to tell Emilio Snooki hooks up all the time if Snooki tells Sammi anything.

JWoWW will do physical damage to Angelina if she tells Sammi who wrote the letter. Snooki plans to drop off the letter if Sammi cries again. That means that they’re doing it.

Don’t hang up! [url=http://www.realityshack.com/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=2666&forum=13&post_id=42212#forumpost42212]Chat in the forums[/url] instead.



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