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Top Chef: DC – Episode 5 Commentary – Make Way for Big Daddy! The Beast In The Kitchen


This week’s Top Chef was filled to the salad bowl rim, or should that be a plate, with questionable humor and questionable behavior. Now, any regular reader of my James Joycian (seriously – www.iwl.me.com told me that, check it out) musings on Top Chef knows that questionable humor is right up my alley. Those that know me personally could probably attest to the questionable behavior part. So, hooray Top Chef.

Thank you, Spenny (Angelo to the newcomers) for providing some of the most ridiculous moments of this episode. Following Padma’s introduction to the crab-based Quickfire – “You’ve got crabs!” – the tone was set. Spenny shared with us that he has bad feelings for crabs because he once, ahem, had crabs. Did NOT need to know that.

An aside, I have actually known a crab sufferer. He had to pretend he had the flu for a week so his girlfriend wouldn’t know about the French girl he “encountered” at the high-profile music festival we went to and who gave him a parting gift of crabs. But, boy, do I digress here.

In addition to jokes about venereal disease, we got more food/sex commentary from Spenny, who seems to think he is re-enacting scenes from “9 ½ Weeks” each week. This week, he made love to a duck. Something not seen since Lea Thompson managed that feat.

My favorite bit of comedy came from the much-ridiculed extra scene as Kenny got to really funny for once. He emerged into the kitchen wearing a giant spa-issued bathrobe, which, as pointed out by Tiffany (I think, can’t read my writing), made him look just like Issac Hayes. Shut your mouth. I also like the flurry of nicknames they have for him – Big Daddy, Black Lightning, Black Angus. I was waiting for Black Vulcan, Big Bad Voodoo Daddyto follow.

Also, funny – serving food with dirt in it! At least that is what Spenny wanted Kenny and Sbarro to do. As Tamesha (Spenny’s partner in crime) knocked over Sbarro’s really delicious-looking cauliflower couscous onto the ground – that is the cow pasture where they were cooking, of course – Spenny suggested they employ the five-second rule and brush it off before serving. Now, I have been known to eat crap that I dropped on the floor. I even ate a meal in college off of a Frisbee because I ran out of plates. I have used envelopes as plates from time to time. However, without the influences of illicit substances, I have never considered eating anything that landed somewhere where cows crap. Much less serve it to world-class chefs and Padma. Thankfully, Sbarro agreed.

There were quite a few other funny moments – Hot Amanda being taught that minestrone soup contains pasta, Stephen being scolded on the use of a bowl(!), and of course, the fact that we watched 12 people dismember living creatures with giant knives on basic cable. But let’s get into the food before I get equated with Charles Dickens and accused of being paid by the word.


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