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Freelance entertainment writer, martial arts instructor, and mother of two.

Big Brother 12, July 8 – Losing Your Dignity On A Slippery Weiner


Wow, I’m behind. Usually by this point I’ve memorized the names of all the contestants, taken Julie Chen’s house tour, and mused about the cast and what is expected during the season at Reality Shack’s Forum. It just crept up on me this time. In a way, it makes it more exciting, yet in a way, I feel like I missed out some.

Julie announces the game’s “Saboteur” right away. His or her job is to wreak havoc on the household. We don’t get to find out who it is just yet. We’re treated to the usual showing of houseguests geting their keys to the Big Brother house, there’s a lot of screaming, mainly by one person, Rachel.

Andrew is a podiatrist from Miami Beach, FL, and is a practicing modern orthodox Jew, and doesn’t care if it affects his game. Britney is from Huntington, AR, and says she’s lived there all her life and has a big city game. Hayden is from Tempe, AZ, and thinks the fact that ladies love him will take him far in the game. Rachel, the screamer, is from Las Vegas, and notes most people think she’s the girl with hot boobs, but they’ll be surprised to find out she’s actually a chemist.

Kathy, of Texarkana, AR, has been a deputy sheriff for eight years and says she’ll best everyone in the house. Monet, of Glen Carbon, IL, hopes the others are up to her standards, not wanting to be around anyone that’s nasty. Matt, of Elgin, IL (my hometown, folks!), states he’s a genius and is a member of MENSA. He doesn’t think the others will see him coming. Does this mean he’s the saboteur?

Annie, aof Tampa, knows the game inside out and will do what it takes to win. She’s bisexual, so knows what men and women want. Lane, of Decatur, TX, is used to getting his hands dirty as a rancher, so is ready to do it in the house. Enzo, of Bayonne, NJ, loves Jersey, meatballs, and his mama. HIs strategy is none of your friggin’ business. Wow, he’s a keeper, ladies.

Brendon, of Riverside, CA, is a swim coach, and he’s definitely used to dealing with high school drama, knowing it has prepared him perfectly for the Big Brother house. Truer words have never been said. Kristen, of Philadelphia, is fun, outoing, and smart, and says she’s the life of every party. Ragan, of West Hollywood, CA, has a PhD, in communication studies and points to a chalkboard showing his lesson plan includes lying, cheating, and “back stabbing.” He needs a PhD in spelling to learn that’s one word, not two.

They all pack hurriedly, which always makes me wonder if that really happens. We have people wanting to bring a cat, a kosher pot, to which Matt is already saying he doesn’t like people that succumb to organized religion, an Italia hat, ninety swimsuits, Vegas showgirl outfits, and lots of underwear.

First to walk into the house tonight are Britney, Ragan, Brendan, and Rachel. Rachel is screaming again. She thinks the house is more fun and nicer than Vegas. They all introduce themselves, with Rachel’s boobs falling out of her dress, and Brendon says he bets both of the girls look way better than he does in a bathing suit.

The next to walk in are Lane, Annie, Enzo, Kathy, and Andrew. They run in and fly around looking at all the beds, wanting to claim the best ones. Enzo says being here is crazy and straight up bananas. The house is definitely a lot nicer than his mom’s house, but he’s pretty sure the cooking isn’t going to be the same. Annie thinks Britney is beatuiful and is drawn to her, wanting to put her in her pocket to save her for later.

The last group to walk in are Monet, Hayden, Kristen, and Matt. More screaming and running around. Man, Monet is tall. She blew right past Kathy, because she wanted to get in there and claim a bed, figuring she’d let someone else sleep on the floor. Hayden doesn’t think you can be successful in the game if you don’t have your own bed. So he’s on the watch, and if he can’t find one, he’ll hook up with a cute chick.

The gang is sitting around drinking champagne already for a little meet and greet. Kristen talks about being a manager of a designer shoe store and says she models a little too. Hayden thinks it will take a little bit, but he’s going to work his magic on her. Matt is from “a suburb outside Chicago” and just got married last September. He does website design and has been a musican recreationally. He decides not to tell them how smart he is, in the top 2% in the world. Rachel says she’s southern girl at heart and has been living there for three years and worked at the craziest party pool last summer and this one. She doesn’t say she’s a chemist. Monet thinks Rachel is “boob city” and ditzy. Enzo says “Babadda bing. She’s got weapons.”

Monet is a student and has two cats, one named Furry and one named Kitty. You just have to love these creative types. Brendan is s swim coach and P.E. teacher, and Ragan wants him to apply to be Superman. This is a guy he would want to be aligned with, and he’s hoping the twist is that Brendan is gay and that maybe they’ll fall in love. Hayden is a college student at ASU, and Kristen thinks he’s cute and her type. She would classify him more as cute and lovable that could turn into a sexy thing.

Andrew jokes he took a wrong turn, and thought this was supposed to be a speed dating thing for Jewish singles. Rachel says he really stuck out to her because he’s Jewish, and she wonders if that means he wears a “Yom Kippur.” Seriously? How can a chemist be that ignorant? He’s a day trader, he says, but lost his job and is now a shoe slaesman. He declines to tell them he’s really a doctor, wanting to put a little bit of pity in there. Lane doesn’t say much, other than he’s a salesman. Kathy says she’s 40 and everyone thinks she looks great. She admits to being a deputy sheriff. Britney is recently engaged.


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