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Freelance entertainment writer, martial arts instructor, and mother of two.

American Idol 9, Apr. 21 – Idol Gives Back, Making It Both Depressing and Inspirational


The Idols get to sit back down, as George decides to judge the judges for a change. Randy is told he calls people pitchy every night. He’s always asking Kara what she thinks, so George tells him to formulate his own thoughts. His cousin that works at a dog pound doesn’t say dawg as much as Randy does. The Ghost Whisperer whispered in his ear to get a new bit. He’s the only brother on the show, so he’s safe.

Kara says every night that she wants the Idols to make it their own and that she’s disappointed and expected more. She also says she wrote that song every night. But she came on George’s show and sounded fantastic and wasn’t pitchy at all. He also wallpapered his bedroom in the nudie picture of her from the magazine. So she is safe, “but no cute boy on the show is.” Casey James here looks like the cat who ate the canary.

Ellen looks nervous about what’s coming. He tells her every night she says she loves the performances, that they moved her, and “Simon stop touching me.” George’s chiropractor told him Ellen has done a fine job this year of being the Kourtney Kardashian of the judges. He doesn’t know how she does it without dancing. On her show a commercial comes on and she’s dancing. She’s safe.

Simon is told every night he says stuff is rubbish and ghastly and that Ryan should stop touching him. George’s tattoo artist said every now and then Simon should mix it up and wear a looser t-shirt. People in the audience can tell how cold it is. He’s always wanted to ask him one thing, saline or silicone. America has voted, and Simon has to go back to England, but since there is a big cloud of volcanic ash keeping people from traveling, Simon is safe. Ryan comes up and thanks Erik Estrada.

Even though it’s Idol Gives Back, we still get a Ford commercial. They sing We’ve Got a Big Mess On Our Hands, and while the others are working and just wandering through, Crystal and Casey are painting and dropping paint on them.

Now it’s really time to dim the lights for some results. Crystal Bowersox and Casey James join Ryan in the middle of the stage. One is safe and one is in the bottom three. Casey is in the bottom three, as Crystal is safe. Aaron Kelly and Lee Dewyze are asked to step to the center of the stage next. One of them is in the bottom three and the other is safe. Yep, Lee is safe, and Aaron moves to the bottom three.

It’s back to Pasadena and Queen Latifah as she introduces Jeff Beck and Joss Stone and the Jubilation Choir with I Put a Spell On You. It’s a very unique way to perform such an old song, and nothing beats Jeff Beck on the guitar.

Celebrities such as David Duchovny, Demi Lovato, Chris Rock, Joe Jonas, Jane Lynch, Josh Groban, Justin Bieber make appearances talking about the last thing their mothers gave them. The last thing a little baby shown in Africa received from her mom is life. Her mother died in childbirth. Each year 250,000 mothers die in childbirth in Africa.Again, way to depress me.

The U.N. Secretary General thanks us for helping with Idol Gives Back and for our generous support. He’s followed by Morgan Freeman talking about being raised in the public school system in Mississippi. His wish for today’s children is to receive the same opportunities he had, but fewer children are now graduating. His hope is to promote a unified approach and encourage physical activity and learning. He and Randy spent time in Mississippi to see how Save the Children are helping kids there. The program is now helping with literacy, health, and nutrition. They visited a family benefiting from the program. The son that was doused with gasoline and burned badly. The only thing that stops my depression here is seeing Morgan Freeman using a hula hoop.

Alicia Keys takes the stage to sing Unthinkable and Empire State of Mind Part 2. She definitely does what she encouraged all of the Idols to do last night, feel the song. Big Mike jams offstage. There’s no mistaking that hulky size. Fore Empire State of Mind, Alicia takes a seat behind the piano, but her voice is sounding a little strained by this point.

Jonah and Russell are back with their phone bank and they call it like the Oscars in there with their celebrities. There’s Woody Allen, Marilyn Monroe, Tom Cruise from Top Gun and Tom Cruise from Risky Business, Justin Bieber’s cousin and his friend Aaron. Of course, none of those people are real. They have Slash as well, and it’s the real Slash, and Clay Aiken, but it’s really Tatiana DelTorro, and Octomom. I think it’s the real Octomom Jim Carrey comes to join them and takes off as soon as he finds they aren’t the real celebrities. He runs off, but Jonah explains he just has to pee. This is a cute bit, but I like the Glady Knight and the “Pips” bit better from a few years back with Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey, Jr.


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