About LauraBelle

Freelance entertainment writer, martial arts instructor, and mother of two.

Hell's Kitchen, Aug. 18 – Pigs Without Prom Dresses = Lazy Cows


You just have to love technology, although we’ve now come to depend on it, and sometimes it takes us out of our game. Susan was depending on her DVR tonight to tape Hell’s Kitchen and write the recap, and it suddenly froze up, leaving her with no show to watch. So, you’re stuck with me. I’d say blame AT&T, but well, that pays my husband’s paycheck.

Right after dismissing Tek last week, Chef Ramsay calls up Amanda and tells her he’s concerned about her. He encourages her to bounce back quickly. She vows to try whatever she can to stay and realizes it’s her last chance. Meanwhile, the guys are enjoying it, that the ladies are leaving, as Robert says there’s no bonding or teamwork on the Red team. He figures one more service and they’re crushed. Tennille is still ticked about her team putting her up, saying they weren’t going by the last dinner service, but things in the past. Sabrina wants everyone just to check their emotions at the door and do their jobs. Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t want a meal cooked by such angry people, but I do want it cooked by someone with passion, so that’s something to consider.

Everyone meets the next day with Chef Ramsay, as he says the one thing he always makes sure each of his restaurants has is a low calorie menu. They’re being asked to create the same, no more than 700 calories, for a three course meal, an appetizer, entree, and dessert. Robert thinks this bites, as he likes to cook with butter, cream, and fat. I’m with him there. Chef Ramsay has brought nutritionists to help them. The team with the best tasting dishes will win the challenge.

With hundreds of ingredients before them, each is marked with a caloric value, as the nutritionists tabulate what is being chosen and how much it will add. The blue team decides that teams of two are going to work on this with Jim and Van on entrees, Kevin and Robert on appetizers, and Dave and Andy on desserts. Sabrina works in a health club and spa, so she knows what she’s doing and steps up to take the lead here.

The blue team has figured out their appetizer is going to be grilled seafood salad, and Van wants pork chops and sobu noodles for the entree, but already they’re at 1051 calories and haven’t even gotten to the dessert yet. The nutritionist tells them the noodles are 546 alone. They take some of those off and start trimming up the pork chop, making the entree smaller. They only have twenty minutes left and haven’t cooked anything yet.

The women are cooking already. Amanda is doing desserts, but doesn’t know how to make food flavorable cooking low cal. Yeah, I’d say that’s a problem. Sabrina helps her out, saying she has to hold her hand through this, but if it pulls out a win, that’s fine. The men are still counting calories. Now they’re 100 calories under, but decide they just need to start cooking. Dave thinks the dessert needs some sugar, but Andy disagrees. Dave just isn’t used to basing his food on caloric intake. Neither am I really; that’s why I’m creating a taco casserole in the crock pot for dinner. I don’t even want to guess on the calories.

When the time is up, the men have prepared a three-course meal totaling 597 calories, and the women cut it very close at 694. Tennille brings up her appetizer, and feels it’s a great opportunity to show her skill. She presents a seared scallop with tangy mango chutney that comes in at 204 calories. Chef Ramsay calls it nice, saying he’d never believe there was only 200 calories, and remarks he doesn’t feel cheated, calling it delicious. The blue team isn’t worried, being that they’ve beaten the women three times in a row. Kevin presents a Grilled Key West Seafood Salad that comes in at 156 calories. Chef Ramsay remarks he likes the shrimp and calls it refreshing and good stuff. He tallies the appetizers even, with one point each.

Ariel brings up the entree, Cottage Cheese and Mushroom Stuffed Pork Chop coming in at 308 calories. Chef Ramsay remarks the portion control is either brilliant or brisk, it’s hard to tell with his accent. He finds it has good definition and the “pepper”, as Ariel says that was the hers and Sabrina’s efforts. Jim brings up his dish, saying he is confident being they didn’t use fat or oils. It’s a pork cutlet with sobu noodles and broccoli. Chef Ramsay feels the half of a pork chops looks like a child’s portion. It’s slightly boring in terms of moisture, a bit dry. It comes in at 210 calories, 100 less than the ladies, who get the point for this round. Amanda celebrates.

Amanda brings up the dessert, and Sabrina is nervous, as Amanda asked too many questions about a simple fruit bowl. Representing them is a Fresh Fruit Bowl with Lemon Ricotta Creme and Fresh Coconut Milk at 182 calories. She gives credit to Sabrina for the lemon which Chef Ramsay says turned the boring cheese into vibrant and zesty.

Dave brings up Egg White Crepe filled with Fruit Compote and a Blackberry and Vanilla Yogurt Creme; Andy had helped him out, saying he could do it in his sleep. Chef Ramsay laughs at the sight of it, and the taste he says is foul, and it’s the “kind of crap you serve when you come out of a heart bypass or ulcer operation”. Coming out of surgery on my stomach, I had nothing, then clear liquids, and longed for something like this. The ladies had a clever utilization of 700 calories and win the competition, thanks in large part to Sabrina. Dave makes a mental note to never listen to Andy again. I can’t figure out why he did to begin with.

While the ladies’ dishes are going on the menu, the men have to go to the market and buy all the ingredients and get it all prepped for both teams, as they’re opening tonight. Jim says doing it in half the time really sucks. The women will enjoy a nice ocean breeze of the world-famous Venice Beach with a little beach volleyball. Is it not lost on anyone else that every time on this show that there’s a swimsuit to be worn, the ladies always win, the same ones Chef Ramsay always calls stupid cows? As they leave for the beach, Jim says they all look good, kind of, as “if you put a prom dress on a pig, you still can’t dance with it.”

The women walk out to find waiting convertibles for their ride to the beach. Sabrina has never been in a convertible, despite the fact she has the perfect hair for it. Let me add I do not have the perfect hair for it. The ladies meet Annett Davis, an Olympic Volleyball player who teaches them skills and then plays a game with him. Tennille likens this to a new dance or something. I suppose it’s fitting if you’re wearing a prom dress.


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