home Archive Top Chef: Masters Ep. 5 – They Smoke A Lot of Things in Sweden

Top Chef: Masters Ep. 5 – They Smoke A Lot of Things in Sweden

Main Course

Michael. Prawns with Rice Flour, Chili and Garlic Oil. Gael gets PISSED that he provided a knife at a cocktail party. I suddenly have an urge to quote Sean Connery from The Untouchables. Regardless, Gael treats this like Michael just took a dump in her menagerie of hats.

Spock. Brandade of Scallop and Shrimp, Fennel Salad With Truffle Vinaigrette. The lettuce wrap seems to get much attention.

Lachlin. Grilled Beef Short Ribs With Anchovy Parmesan Vinaigrette and Horseradish. Bert picks up with the bitchiness again.

Swedish Chef. Salmon With Napa Cabbage, Chorizo, Broccoli Puree and Madeira Sauce. They all lose their minds over this fish.


Lachlin. Strawberry Frangipane Tart With Yogurt Semifreddo. Jerell is back and thinks his mom used to make this. I think not.

Michael. Balsamic Marinated Strawberries With Basil Gelato and Chocolate Crème Fraiche. His shameless flirting comes in handy as he gets guests to help him plate. Sweet P likes this one too. Gael uncorks a rare good one-liner about “not liking lawn clippings” in her dessert.

Spock. Lemon Panna Cotta With Ginger, Macadamia, Coconut and Pineapple. Jay must be drinking because he compares the panna cotta to a woman’s breast.

Swedish Chef. Chocolate Goat Cheese Ganache, Cara Cara Orange Gel and Lapsang Cream. Some woman says she doesn’t want to go back for a second bite. Oops.

Final stars – Michael gets 19.5, Swedish Chef and Spock get 17 and Lachlin has 15.5. Yawn, Michael joins the finalists.

Quickfire Hits

• Good news – the judges each seemed to find a funny line for once. Bad news? They delivered those lines several times during the show.

• Swedish Chef points out how in Sweden they smoke a lot of things. One wonders if he is still referring to food.

• Lachlin likes to “do things that stand out in people’s mouths.” Insert your own joke here.

• Michael makes that Good Humor classic – basil gelato. I remember running to mom asking for a couple of bucks so I could get my Basil Gelato Sandwich on a hot day at the public pool. Ah, childhood.

• Michael has “bad gelato karma” as it won’t freeze properly. Lachlin helps him use the blast freezer. And, that is the extent of suspense during the challenge.

• Michael the Game Show Host – to a woman on line at his station, “With a smile like yours, I wouldn’t have to cook for a living.” Wow.

• Michael’s explanation to Gael about the Great Knife Incident – Italians use the tail of the shrimp as a fork. And that worked!!! She backed off instantly!

• Some rare fun teasing from the judges about Bert’s “Master Palate” as he criticizes the Swedish Chef’s “fishiness.” Jay calls him Fish Boy. That would be such a lame superhero name. Jay also later suggested “scientists should study that palate of yours and donate it to the Smithsonian” Which would be displayed with the placard – “Lamest Smithsonian Exhibit Ever.”

• They were all stunned that Spock made individual panna cottas. To be honest, that does sound pretty damn impressive.

• No one got a perfect score – Spock got all four and four and a half stars from the judges and one wonders if he was at least able to half-ass his plating could he have managed to squeeze out 2.5 stars in the Quickfire to earn a tie with Michael. Oh well. I can guarantee you that Spock could really care less.

Next week – well, nothing all that interesting. It looks like there’s some fish involved and someone is driven to drink. Other than me, of course.

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