| Ricki Lake is back for one more round of fleeting pop culture stardom. Proof that no one can keep a good Ricki down. I have no idea what that means. My self-imposed hiatus from the Shack has made me a little rusty. Stay with me, please. Regardless of rust or other rotting or metallic conditions, this week we discuss a very important show, one that brings together hootin’ and hollerin’ hussies of all kinds. That’s right—Charm School has returned with Stryker and LaLa as the deans and Ricki Lake as the brand spankin’ new Head Mistress.
Charm School 3 has been charming the pants off its audience during the first three episodes by showing what learning is all about: tequila, screaming, garbage, and ganging up on the weak to appear strong. Just like a typical day in high school. I am so glad I’m not in school any more. I wouldn’t survive one day in my big red sweatpants and turquoise oversized long-sleeved t-shirt. Yes, that’s how I used to dress for school. It ain’t pretty.
So Charm School this semester is rife with mean girl syndrome. The players are from Rock of Love Bus (ah, how I know and love them) and Real Chance of Love. That means an inherent divide already exists, and the problems begin from there.
Ashley: The Juliette-Lewis-in-Natural-Born-Killers-esque fan of Bret Michaels best known for getting drunk, kissing girls, and throwing frozen dinners, Ashley has already been on the carpet twice for not contributing in trash pick-up and locking Brittaney Star in the bathroom for over an hour. She’s also been accused of being a racist, an accusation she doused by revealing that her son is in fact biracial.
Farrah: A member of the Blondtourage on the Love Bus, Farrah is a stripper who also kisses girls, drinks a whole lot, and partook in locking Brittaney in the bathroom. Unfortunately, Farrah couldn’t see how the money was worth listening to the screaming all day and night in the house, so she left on her own accord.
Beverly: One of the brunettes from Rock of Love, Bev was a tomboy-ish contestant who showed her true drunken colors on Charm School’s first episode by grabbing Brittaney Star by the hair and shoving her head. Bev got expelled.
Gia: Blondtourage member best known for, well, let’s not discuss what happened with the shot glass on the Rock of Love Bus. Gia is an exotic dancer who is no longer on Charm School because her drinking got her expelled.
Bubbles: The bubbly, soft-spoken Real Chance at Love castaway is on Charm School to gain a backbone. Or not. So far, the other girls from RCAL have cornered her and screamed at her. She has cowered.
KiKi: A Real Chance at Love castoff, KiKi has a temper problem. Basically, she scares the shit out of a lot of the girls, which caused Ricki Lake to expel her, which caused a house meltdown and questions of racism. KiKi did not get kicked off because she’s black and the other two girls on the carpet are white; she got kicked off, as explained in episode three, because she’s scary scary scary. (I’m only recapping, KiKi. Don’t get mad.)
Risky: A yeller, shouter, screamer, Risky does not like the Rock of Love girls nor does she like Bubbles. She does like Kiki and Bay Bay Bay, however, and plans to stick with them as they learn some charm.
Bay Bay Bay: Triple B is another yeller and shouter who dislikes Bubbles, yet has befriended Brittaney Star in a mastermind plot to take control of the house and get the Rock of Love girls out. BBB has shown smarts strategy-wise, and may win if it works.
Natasha: Escaping the questions about her gender, Natasha returns from being booted from the Bus. She’s befriended some of the RCAL girls and has new enemies in her former busmates.
Brittanya: Formerly a friend of Natasha, Brittanya has been talking shit about girls from her old show. That means that there’s even more divide. That means Brittanya’s ass is on the line.
Brittaney Star: From outerspace and the big porn screen, BS is still the biggest slice off the freshest nutloaf. She’s at the root of all problems, whether or not she tries to be.
Marcia: Tequlia! Doritos! Vomit! Marcia! Nuff said!
So Hood: Another Real Chance girl, So Hood has packed up her stuff and left Charm School, also not seeing how the money is worth the screaming, the yelling, and the unfair expelling (she didn’t stay long enough to hear the explanation).
K. O.: One of the softer spoken girls from RCAL, K. O. has been instigating without really knowing what instigating means.
The Bus girls gang up on Brittaney Star and don’t understand why the RCAL girls gang up on Bubbles. The RCAL girls gang up on Bubbles and don’t understand why the Bus girls gang up on Brittaney Star. There’s a lot of drinking involved with the girls on the Bus. There’s a lot of heated screaming and shouting all over the place.
Ricki Lake has got a huge job ahead of her. She expelled one girl during a mixer the first night and then had two quit after the second expulsion ceremony. Still, it makes for an entertaining season, and if anyone can whip these girls into shape, it’s gotta be Ricki Lake. She dealt with crazy people all the time on her talk show. If anyone has made a career out of the nutty, it’s Ricki (Jerry Springer is a whole other story–that’s beyond nutty).
Can these girls really learn how to be charming? Chat in the forums or click on my envelope to drop me a line.