Am I the only one who is a little tired of Seacrest announcing how many votes came in?
“Over 47 million!” The number is completely arbitrary because anyone and everyone can vote an unlimited number of times. That doesn’t tell me anything remotely informative.
After the judges’ introductions, Simon Cowell says that everyone was excellent last night, and it was the best Top Five performance night he had ever seen.
Tonight’s Ford video is “Energy” by Apples in Stereo. Have you ever seen the actual music video for this song? It’s full of war missiles and atomic bombs exploding. Disturbing, to say the least, so I guess the American Idol version is a little better. The contestants, dressed in black and white, are running slow-motion through a black-and-white desert. They’re playing ‘chicken’ with a colorful car that is speeding directly toward them. At the last minute, the car swerves, circles around them, and brings Technicolor and cherry blossoms to the desert.
The group sings two songs for their collective performance: “It Don’t Mean a Thing (If It Ain’t Got That Swing)” and “I Got Rhythm”. I’m not sure that the songs mash-up well together, but so be it.
Danny Gokey’s birthday was Friday and Allison Iraheta’s was Monday, so the kids decided to bake a cake, despite the fact that they have a professional chef. And the cameras just conveniently happened to be present.
If you couldn’t guess within the first few seconds, the whole thing is entirely staged, as they’re dressed up with their hair done. Because I always get dressed up when I’m making cake. The contestants get into an obligatory food fight and leave a gigantic mess in the kitchen. After the video, Seacrest plays it up, acting all “Oh you rascally kids,” and the Top 5 are all, “Oh Danny is such a card!”
Seacrest hands Danny a birthday card which actually turns out to be a cleaning service bill for $6,000. Har de har har.
Seacrest instructs the top 5 to stand center stage and await their results.
Randy thought Matt Giraud’s “My Funny Valentine” was pitchy, and Kara felt he had no emotional connection to the song. Paula and Simon called him brilliant though. I personally didn’t like it. I didn’t mind that he had changed the key, but I wish he had at least stuck to the melody. He is sent stage right.
Oof. They’re going to pull this same trick where they split them in two groups and ask the remainder ‘star’ to choose between which group he/she should stand with. You know you’ve been watching this show too long when you can see this stuff coming.
Danny sang “Come Rain or Come Shine,” and the judges all thought it was a stellar performance. He is sent stage left, of course.
Allison sang “Someone to Watch Over Me.” While the other three judges loved it, Simon told her she would be in big trouble tonight. She is sent to stand next to Danny.
Kris Allen sang “The Way You Look Tonight.” Kara and Paula called him a “contemporary crooner,” and Randy thought it was his best performance yet. Simon called it “safe” and “wet.” Whatever that means. He stands next to Matt, stage right.
That leaves us with Adam Lambert, who sang “Feeling Good.” And the judges, per usual, vomited praise all over him. “Take a look at both groups,” Seacrest says. “Which group do you think you belong in?”
Adam laughs nervously but ultimately chooses Danny and Allison. This is interesting because it makes you wonder, Does he really think those two were better last night? (They were, but not the point.) Does he not get along with either Matt or Kris, so he wants to see them go home? Ohhh, the drama I create in my head is TV-worthy.
“Adam, Allison, Danny,” says Seacrest, “… NOT your Bottom Three.” Then he escorts Adam over to stage right, making Adam look all kinds of embarrassed. “THIS is your Bottom Three,” says Seacrest as the camera focuses on Matt, Kris, and Adam.