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Project Runway 5, Episode 7 – I Had To Stuff Her Underwear With Muslin


Previously on Project Runway: Architeuthis was recapping. I am just filling in. No worries, Architeuthis fans. Anyway, Chris March was back and in full costume. RuPaul looks like Whitney Houston crossed with Joan Rivers. Joe the Token Straight Guy won the drag challenge and Daniel and his sad chicken dress departed.

Credits – This season is giving a prize of a 2009 Saturn VUE Hybrid. You think that may matter?

We are in New York City, for now. Kenley is sad that Daniel is gone. She says he was her best friend in the game, which I guess explains why she laughed at his claim of having good taste last week in front of the judges. Because that’s what friends do. Keith isn’t sure he knows how to handle being in the Bottom Two. I think he may take to whining and lashing out. What do you think? Keith wants to change the way the world dresses. One fringe at a time, I guess. Suede is ready to see Heidi and for once I can agree with Suede.

Heidi Klum. If anyone could sway me from Padma, it is Heidi Klum. She is wearing a sexy striped dress on the runway that makes me crazy jealous of Seal. Heidi brings out the winning and losing models. She has Kelli and Daniel’s model, along with Joe’s. He has the option to swap out and bring out the rest of the models for the schoolyard selection, or keep his and send the other two home. He says something about keeping peace in the modeling world and sends the two home with apparently no shoes.

Let me just take my one opportunity recapping this show to say that I HATE the way they eliminate the models. Kelli and Daniel’s models did nothing wrong and are eliminated for the bad dresses that they were asked to wear. I do not like the way they deal with the model competition and think it is the worst part of the show.

Anyway, Heidi tells them to go to 142 West 31st Street and go to the rooftop (Google map if you want to feel part of the show). Blayne thinks that they are going to meet with a superstar and Korto suggests that it may be Mariah Carey’s penthouse. Have these people ever seen these shows? Leanne tells us that it is a parking garage and she has no idea what to expect. Kenley is scared. Of parking garages? I recently got lost in a parking garage in Cincinnati. That was scary.

Someone (I think Korto) says in the elevator that it is going to be a hot party. It’s not. Kenley thinks it is like a haunted house. Ah, that’s why she’s scared. Someone starts singing the TV friendly line from “The Roof is on Fire.”

They come out of the elevator and find cars. Guess what? Saturn cars. Who knew? Blayne wants to know what use they have for a car. I presume he means other than driving.

Basically, Project Runway thought that they may have lost the title of shameless product placement and cross promotion to Top Chef and they felt they really needed to reclaim that before leaving Bravo. There is more cross promotion still to come tonight.

Tim Gunn! Hey, love Tim Gunn. He is with Chris Webb, the lead color designer for Saturn. He looks like Moby crossed with Sanford from Sex and The City. I don’t really care much for the glorified Saturn commercial here, and mind you, I am on my fourth Saturn car over the last 13 years.

The challenge is to recycle the vehicles into an outfit. The designers are stunned. Terri doesn’t know what to do – she doesn’t have a blowtorch. Tim clarifies that the materials to make cars are piled up inside and that’s what they will use. This is a challenge to test their innovation much like the failed supermarket challenge from Episode One. Korto is ready to step up this time. Designers get only four minutes to load up their carts. And… frenzy!!

Terri is ready to “sound the alarms, go, go, go.” Kenley is making a big mess. Blayne is taking a gazillion seat belts that he thinks “look beautiful.’ First time for THAT sentence in the English language. Joe is from Motor City, so this is right up his alley. Jarelle is digging the little pieces of plastic and wants to make a futuristic type of dress. He is even thinking of turning a headlight into a broach.

Suede grabbed seat covers, carburetors, lights and “so many whack-a-doodle things.” And I have a moratorium being placed right now on whack-a-doodle, anything-licious and any use of third person. If I hear it, I will move on. Stella thinks this whole “hustle” thing is embarrassing and she will not move. Ok, then. Terri can’t carry everything she has and Leanne has no clue what to make.

13 hours to go. Tim tells them that the prize will be immunity and to “do it” and “have fun.” Korto is finally taking time to analyze what she has. Kenley tosses a headlight across the room to break it apart. Joe is banging something apart. He says that this is a hard challenge to use non-traditional fabrics and twist into a garment. He is happy to have immunity. No kidding!

Leanne rips, Blayne breaks a mirror. NO! Walk under a ladder next! Joe wants to trade a carburetor for a light. Keith thinks that the biggest thing is to please “those f’n judges or they’ll send you home.” Thus the concept of these shows, Keith. He is “sick of sending out garments that stand out so much and have them be so critical of me.” He wants to make sure they are more tailored and toned down. Like Daniel, Keith seems to have a much higher opinion of his talents than he should.

Stella tries and fails to break something. She does not want to make a leather dress. I ask, why? Finally, leather is appropriate to the challenge? Play to your strengths! She says she hasn’t made anything that wasn’t “hammered, grommetted, or pyramided.” Suede has made a top out of a thick, rubber floor mat which is whack-a-… STOP! We are done with Suede.
Commercials – Awesome, awesome, awesome commercial with Martin Scorsese and Tina Fey. This is my chance to be kicked to death in a movie. Love them.

Nine hours left. Wires, glue and many other car parts. Stella THs about the lack of leather and I am too distracted by her leather hat. I wonder if Top Chef Spike is standing off camera. Suede is making something with fringe on the bottom and I wonder if Keith is mad at him for it. He tells a story about getting his uncle’s 1966 Buick Electra and I am again reminded that Suede and I are the same age and he needs to STOP acting like he’s 17.

Keith is making a pencil skirt that is short and high-waisted. He is way too focused on the judges right now. They are too much in his head. Korto is weaving together seat belts. She wants it to be wearable with a touch of avant garde. Kenley is pleased that she didn’t use seat belts, because the judges will see it as more innovative. She is taking a Sharpie to something and is drawing in zebra print. Korto finds that funny as does Suede. Kenley doesn’t think they will be able to tell that they are air vents.

Blayne is trying to make a “flowy, elegant” gown out of seat belts. However, the machines cannot sew them properly. Jarelle looks around at what he sees and is “whistling Dixie.” He really likes his skirt and concept. Leanne has a piece of her dress on her dress form and it looks like a bathing suit. Jarelle thinks it is sexy that way, and she admits that it looks a little dominatrix and says that it won’t be snapping at the crotch. As a result, Blayne doesn’t like it anymore.

Leanne says that she is making a cocktail dress with a different type of silhouette. It is made out of car seats and she is using seat belts unlike anyone else. She seems to be cutting them up into some designs. She is also using something that looks like a slinky. I would like to know where in my Saturn is the hidden slinky!

Stella thinks that hers looks like the Planet of the Apes. She puts on this goofy hat that Blayne eventually wears and makes the obligatory “Luke, I am your father” line. It does look very Darth Vader-esque. I think of Blayne more as Jar Jar than Vader.

Five hours left. Terri asks Keith for an opinion and he grumbles that his tastes are obviously questionable. Shut up, Keith. Terri wants to win so she can have her own label and not go back to her old job. I hope your bosses aren’t watching this, Terri. Kenley is worried that she is running behind, but is reassured that they all are.

Tim comes in with their models and informs Kenley that hers had to drop out of the competition. He has brought back one of the models just eliminated. Kenley? She is freaking out. She says she wanted to collapse and give up because this set her back so much time. It seems the models have different body sizes. That’s not good at all.

Boy, there is a whole lot of pretty in the room right now.

Blayne’s model asks him “how are you going to figure out for it to fit perfectly because it’s so formfitting?” He thinks it’ll be fine. Stella’s dress is very snug and plans on it being even shorter. Her model is the best looking one there, I must say.

Commercials – Disaster Movie… these new parody movies make Mel Brooks films look like art house classics.

Tim does his rounds. Blayne uses his “catchphrase” and I will ignore it. He has a full gown and admits that hand stitching is too ambitious. Tim wants to know what gives it shape and Blayne really doesn’t make Tim happy with the response.

Tim likes Jarelle’s creation with various shapes on the black vinyl and Tim thinks it is quite futuristic. Korto’s coat is next and Tim thinks it has a powerful impact with a “60s mod look” that is fabulous. Stella’s disturbs Tim somewhat and he implies basically that it isn’t very pretty. He is right. He comes over and LOVES Leanne’s and he is right about that. So far it is clearly the best one.

Now for Keith who spews out a huge stream of consciousness about how he will have a high waist and a corset in the back and how the judges need to see a refined palette (am I back on Top Chef here?) and so on and so on. Tim tells him to just believe in it. I love Tim, but sometimes his comments are kind of inane.

With two hours left, Terri has lost her mind. She thinks Korto’s dress looks like the creature from Jeepers Creepers and that makes her laugh so hard she literally is rolling on the floor. Korto jokes that she is “hating on” Terri and it is clearly in jest between them. Jarelle has a highly annoying TH where he says that Terri has two faces and that you “can’t trust the bitch.” Jarelle is one of those contestants that seem to want to make snarky comments just for the sake of making snarky comments. I hate that.

Keith basically threatens everyone to not touch his sewing machine. Blayne thinks his attitude is getting to be “super weird.” Keith is having a crisis of confidence, folks and he is clearly letting the pressure get to him.


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