home Archive Big Brother 9, March 2nd – Portraits in Nailpolish: A Psychotic Despot

Big Brother 9, March 2nd – Portraits in Nailpolish: A Psychotic Despot

Previously on Big Brother 9: Sheila and Allison are not lesbians, and this makes Joshuah angry. Operation Condor was a success which makes James happy and Sharon miserable.

Tonight’s episode picks up immediately preceding the “Words of Love” competition for HOH. Sheila and Allison are talking, which infuriates Joshuah as he orders that they not whisper. He is one draconian HOH, dictating how the House Guests must modulate their voices in his presence. He proceeds to go off on Allison telling her he will make her life a living hell in that house.

Maybe instead of “Words of Love” they should have covered the walls with quotes from Dante’s Inferno.

He is allegedly livid that she lied about being a lesbian, because as a gay man he takes that very personally. He feels she’s the biggest liar and manipulator in the house (and that’s saying something). Actually, it seems like he’s mostly angry that she flipped her vote to keep Natalie and Matt in the eviction ceremony – but prefers to cloak his rage over the issue of the lie. He probably believes the politically correct cause to be more sympathetic. Besides – hard to berate her for keeping Matt and Natalie when they’re within earshot.

Sharon is still upset about the vote so Joshuah tries to get her head in the game while Ryan pep talks Allison as they head into the HOH competition. Joshuah’s idea of putting on a game face is apparently wearing sunglasses. He really is a cartoon.

After the HOH, Allison is upset that Joshuah and Sharon are gloating over their win.

Joshuah engages her in polite and civil discourse about this situation. By which he is in her face screaming that she is ugly, a skank, her dress is not stylish and she’s worn it too often on television. Ryan asks Joshuah what brought this about, wondering if Allison attacked him personally…Joshuah states that she was just getting in his way being her stuck-up, snotty self. Time after time he shows his capacity for stating a cogent argument.

Ryan interviews that he thinks Joshuah is psychotic, and the editors help him illustrate this point by flashing back to his verbal attack upon Amanda.

Joshuah interviews that no one should lie about being gay, ever. Reminding us again his outrage is valid (it’s not) and based on umbrage over the struggles of gays in our society (it’s not) and not about Allison upsetting his stratagem to knock out Matt and Natalie (it is).

Allison, meanwhile, reminds Matt that he’s there due to her and he needs to know that. For which he is thankful. He tells her that she’s upset so perhaps she needs a hug – from her partner. That was awesome – he feels she might need comfort and he tries to facilitate that without actually being involved.

Allison does not need a hug. What she needs is to rant in an interview about how she’s been nothing but good in this game (her self-delusions are nothing if not consistent) and she will not put up with this kind of treatment. Ryan tries to talk her down, telling us he’s the only one in the house Allison feels is sane.

If true, to Allison sanity = contractual obligation to further her interest in a television game show. That is a very limited definition. I don’t think it’s the same criteria for sanity as published in the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-IV, but what do I know?

Joshuah tells Natalie that he never made a physical threat to Allison, just that he would make her life hell. Natalie agrees that that is nothing. Joshuah seems satisfied by Natalie’s attempt to appease him with his own impotence.

However, Allison is not accustomed to being spoken to like that by men, or anyone, ever and is outraged. She browbeats Matt and Ryan for allowing Joshuah to yell at her. If she were a man she would never allow another man to speak to a woman like that.

This brings to mind the scene is Pride and Prejudice where Lady Catherine tells Elizabeth Bennett, while berating her mediocre piano playing, that had she learned to play she would be quite proficient. Why aren’t any of the quotes in the house from Jane Austin?

She tells Matt and Ryan that they had better never meet her father since they let her honor go undefended. I’m thinking if her father was really interested in protecting his little girl he’d have talked her out of going on this show. What did she think she was signing up for? Has she never heard of Dick Donato and how this game is played?

The scene cuts to Joshuah and Sharon showing off the HOH room and photos of their families. Sharon is happy to have the HOH room in order to strategize in private. In addition to pictures of their families, there is a picture of Sharon with Jacob her previously evicted cheating boyfriend. This doesn’t delight her.

In their care packages Joshuah has a plastic tiara that says “Princess for the Day.” Matt finds this particular accoutrement less than masculine. Joshuah tells us this was given to him by his office, and it’s very fitting as it is his day today. I would not want to work in that office.

Joshuah is talking to the House Guests about how you don’t lie about being gay as that speaks to a situation only gay people go through. He was outed to his family and didn’t have the chance to do that on his own, so he makes a huge leap in logic about why that makes Allison’s lie so much worse that any other lie in the history of lies. He goes on to say Sheila never lied to him, she just went along with Allison. So much for un-biased moral outrage.

There is one person in the house who doesn’t know about lesbian-gate and that is Ryan. Joshuah and Chelsia fill him in and he does seem shocked. How distanced was he from the rest of the house that he didn’t get wind of this before?

Ryan confronts Allison telling her she’s so deceitful and manipulative and put a target on their collective back. She pushes it off on Sheila and is completely dismissive of Ryan’s feelings regarding the situation.

The scene cuts to night vision in Matt and Natalie’s bed where she is begging for cuddling. He resists at first, then a little kissing where he extracts a promise that she not get emotionally attached to him. She promises and they pinkie swear. I haven’t seen a pinkie swear on TV since Full House. She makes him promise that he won’t get attached to her, emotionally. No danger there, although she thinks it could happen. No it can’t. And it won’t. But well played, Matt, as when she cries later about how she thought she meant something to him he’s got the tape to back up his claim that he was just using her.

She cannot possibly have gotten to be so old without learning that a guy doesn’t necessarily love you just because he touched you places that need to be blurred out on broadcast TV. That just can’t be possible. Can it?

To take our minds off Natalie’s sad state of affairs we have the food competition. Adam is particularly excited, as he’s been on slop for the week and needs real food since he’s a “growing boy”. I know they don’t have books or televisions in the house, but they do have mirrors, correct? He does know he’s done all the physical growing he should do, right? Perhaps he should work on growing emotionally, as a person. Nah, that’s way too much to ask.

Anyway – on to the competition which is called “Big Ass-Paragus” . Throughout the yard are hundreds and hundreds of pounds of fresh asparagus. The women of the house are in green unitards wearing crowns of asparagus on their heads. This isn’t a good look on anyone, but not everyone agrees. Adam loves it, and the look on his face is creepy enough that I think he should be forced to stay 100 yards from Farmer’s Markets everywhere.


Shows I've covered: Big Brother 9, Beauty and the Geek, Survivor, America's Next Top Model, The Surreal Life, The Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica, 'Till Death Do Us Part: Carmen and Dave, Extreme Make-over, Meet My Folks, America's Most Talented Kid...