Dani asks which of the former HGs will be the most better, and Dick answers Eric right away. She tells him he’s right, and Dick says it’s because Eric will always say if it’s wasn’t a fast forward week, he wouldn’t have left, but Dick knows that’s not true. They compare how many times they got to host the comps, and Dani acknowledges choosing Amber over Dick for one comp, because Amber was begging her all day. Why is that not surprising? I just have to slip this in here, although it doesn’t really belong in this recap. Amber is going to die when she sees how the show recapped her time there on Sunday’s show. Jameka saying she knows she’ll get a modeling gig, and Amber saying she has a good face and cute body, and showing her tired as hell with no makeup, and sticking her stomach out. She’s going to die.
Dani is perhaps more talkative than I’ve seen her in awhile. She says she hopes to come back next year and host a comp, and asks Dick if he wants to come back, sit on a couch and say, “A stitch in time …” Dani mentions how that morning Zach woke everyone else up but them, and she figures it’s because he knew they were dominating the game. Dick finally agrees to play cards with Dani, and while they do they discuss wanting to see House Calls when they get out, although they admit neither of them has watched it before.
Definitely on a roll tonight, Dani tells some of Amber’s sex stories, and Dick asks her to stop, saying he was hungry before, but now he’s ill. Dani laughs at Amber calling herself the hot mom. They laugh about the DR probably giving her sugar pills instead of he Xanax and Dick adds that she was a cocktail waitress that walked like a duck and pooped herself. Yet, if they could murder any HG they wanted, Dick would choose Jen, and Dani would choose Dustin. Well, those are nice cozy thoughts. Dani suggests there by a cbs.com vote on whether Amber’s boyfriend should wipe her ass at the wrap party. Again, the girl is going to die when she sees how she’s been portrayed. I’d put her on suicide watch … or poop watch.
As for what incident Dick is looking most forward to seeing that he only heard about, he replies the Nick/Jen supposed kiss. Dick wants to eat soon; he’s starving. Dani bashes Amber yet again, talking about what she must look like in her work uniform. Dick goes into his “cigars … cigarettes” routine again.
Finally, Dick and Dani get the dinner ordered as their last meal. He, apparently going over his best moments, repeats, “By a vote of 2 to 1, Jessica you have been evicted.” He then follows it with a “Booyah!” They laugh about Jen’s HoH win with 9 gallons of water in the teacup, and wish they would have seen Dustin’s true colors earlier. Why? He was trying to use them to get ahead, and they turned it around and voted him out first. If they had known his true colors, it all would have played out much differently.
Playing cards again, Dick thinks Vincent and Eric will be fighting it out for Jess’ honor, but Dani doesn’t think so. Dani just can’t stop with the crude things tonight, and wonders if we got to see on TV the discovery of Jen’s crusty panties. Umm, no. Thankfully. Although I have to admit, I’d love to hear Julie Chen discussing crusty panties. Dick is reflecting on family more than game, and says Danielle’s first words were, “Hi Dad.” Vincent had said it when Dick came home,a Ned Dani echoed him. He adds she hasn’t stopped talking since. Umm, what do you call the last two years?
They recall Jameka saying two of her boyfriends cheated on her and that they had a bunch of kids with other women. Dick’s stance is that people should have two or there kids, then get “fixed.” My thought is only if a guy is acting like a dog in heat or a woman is acting like a bitch. Wondering when they get the money, Dani thinks it’s at the wrap party, and you have to attend to get it. They wonder who the non-HG is that is mentioned the most, and while Dani thinks it’s Lindsay, Dick thinks it’s Vincent. Vincent wins.
Waking Dustin up with pots and pans is brought up again, and Dick asks Dani if she would have liked to have done that. She says no, but adds had she done it, his head would have been in the middle of the pans like they do on cartoons. Boy, is that a great visual. The Amber bashing is still continuing, with them making fun of her trying to make Dick think her question would be if he loved his dog more than his daughter. Dick says she’s bizarre, and Dani asks mockingly, “What’s bizarre?” Kelly Pickler’s ignorance was much cuter.
Dick asks Dani to describe each of the other HGs in one word. Kail = Ambition, Jameka = Loud, Nick = Smitten, Carol = Average, Eric = Quirky, Amber = Fake, Joe = Hysterical, Jen (not sure what she said), Dustin = mean-spirited, Jess = Typical, Mike = Nice, Zach = Out There (that’s 2!), and she changes Nick’s to Genuine. For Dick, Kail = Liar, Jameka = Hypocrite, Nick = Bad, Carol = Unrealistic, Eric = Player (Yeah, America’s!), Amber = Poser, Jen = Self-Righteous, Joe = Character, Dustin = Jerk, Jess = Narcoleptic, Mike = Loyal, Zach – Tool.
Now it switches to one word to describe the HG’s gameplay starting with Dani. Kail = Sloppy, Dick = Obnoxious, Jameka = Foolish, Nick = Unprepared, Carol = Unwanting Eric = Over-confident, Amber = Parrot, Joe = Overwhelming, Jen= Non-existent, Dustin = Self-Encompassing, Jess = Underplayed, Mike = Too Quick (2 words!), Zach = Floater. For Dick, Kail = Horrible, Jameka = Terrible, Nick = Lost, Carol = Inconsequential, Eric = Manipulative, Amber = Self-ABsorbed, Joe = Overplayed, Jen = Used, Dustin = Arrogant, Jess = Skater, Mike = Too Hard (two words again!), Zach = Ass-kisser.
Dick remembers back to Amber comparing her and Dustin to Will and Boogie. That’s just … pathetic. When she’s out of sequester, I’d like to borrow t hose rose-colored glasses of hers. Dick thinks Mike is going to look back on this as making a lot of bad moves. He’s interested in looking back on the tapes to see exactly what the Mrs. R alliance was planning on doing, because Kail made it so obvious that Dick was her target. Zach was just a bumbling oaf.