After the group dance, Cat and Nigel are apparently backstage, so it’s up to Mary Murphy to introduce what we’ve all been waiting for. “Dancing for the first time on this stage… and possibly the last… our very own hot tamales… let’s hear it for Cat and Nigel!” And what do we see? Some P.O.S. video of giant Cat and Nigel heads cut and pasted onto bodies that are dancing to “La Cucaracha.” Is this supposed to be funny? WTF? Are you friggin’ kidding me? THIS is what we waited the entire episode for? Even worse, THIS is what I have to sit through just to see the results? How much more time can we waste?!
Ryan Cabrera is on stage singing “I Will Remember You,” the song that is played every week when a dancer is eliminated from the competition. Because we haven’t heard this song ENOUGH times. Grr…
Dan Karaty believes it’s been a great season because they’ve had such a diverse group of styles. He begins talking about Jamal from the very first episode, the big hip-hop guy who blew the judges away with his impromptu swing performance. The piece he would really like to see again is Mia’s flower piece with Lacey and Neil. The two recently eliminated dancers perform beautifully again, though I’m not sure why the red flourish was added to Lacey’s dress; it’s distracting.
With only three minutes left to announce the results, I’m getting very nervous. After all, the finale for “American Idol” went past its posted time, completely screwing up my DVR. In a panic, I was lucky I found the overtime minutes on the Internet. I’m going to be seriously upset if FOX does it again.
Sabra and Danny are onstage, and Cat wishes them both good luck. “Is there anything you’d like to say to each other before I reveal the results?” Ack! No! Stop wasting time! Where are the results?! Sabra thinks Danny is amazing and feels privileged to be standing next to him at the finale. Danny talks about how he sat next to her at auditions, and she’s amazingly inspirational. Blah dee blah blah, results! Cat reminds Danny that when he joined the top twenty, the judges weren’t sure about his attitude, and then when the audience started voting, he had to dance for his life three times in a row. Sabra only started dancing four years ago, and she’s been competing against people who’ve been training for their entire lives. Neither of them started off as obvious frontrunners, but they’ve both won over the judges and viewers to end up here tonight.
So after 16 million votes, who is America’s favorite dancer? Sabra!
Sabra begins to cry and buries her face in her hands while a storm of confetti pelts down. The ending credits begin immediately, showing just how close this live show was cutting it. The other dancers run onto the dancers to hug and celebrate. Cat barely manages to scream out something about a quarter million dollars and “America’s Favorite Dancer” in the time left.
Y’know what would’ve been nice? Actually having enough time left to TALK to Sabra. Seeing as she’s “America’s Favorite,” America might actually want to hear what she has to say. Maybe if the producers hadn’t wasted time with an insanely long “highlights” clip package, a crappy guest performer, multiple commercials for “American Band,” and a P.O.S. video of dancing heads, there might actually have been enough time to give Danny a proper send-off AND talk to Sabra!
It’s been a fun year folks, full of highs, lows, flips, falls, and snarkiness. On behalf of LauraBelle and myself, I thank you for reading this season. Hope to see you back next year.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some Matrix choreography to learn. Shane, feel free to e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up an appointment.