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So You Think You Can Dance, August 3rd – When In Doubt, Take Off Your Shirt


Tonight’s opening number is set to Ciara’s “Get Up” and begins with all the dancers dressed in gray in awkward positions at the center of the stage. In the very middle, Neil winds up the imaginary gear on Lacey’s back. On the next beat, everyone comes to life and begins dancing with Shane’s signature pop-and-lock moves. Lauren, in a black trenchcoat and black shades (looking a lot like Trinity in ‘The Matrix’), invades the stage, and the music stops, everyone freezes and leans wayyy back. Trinity-Lauren turns around and blasts the dancers with invisible energy emphasized by the bass, causing them to fall to the ground. The music begins again, and the girls get up from the floor and join Lauren in syncopated choreography. The boys soon join them. The dance continues. Freeze again. Madonna’s vogue arm movements… doubletime. Craziness. I want to learn that arm-framing thing.

Cat’s now purposely saying the word ‘judges’ wrong: “jidges.” As much as she thinks it is, it’s not cute.

Cat asks Nigel Lythgoe why dancing is such a tough career. Nigel doesn’t answer right away though, instead sending kind words and thoughts to the victims of the Minnesota-bridge disaster and their families. To answer Cat’s question, he says that a dance career is usually incredibly short and is over much too quickly, much like a sports star’s career. He then begs everyone NOT to buy tickets to the tour yet because they’re not on sale yet, and some people have been selling off counterfeit tickets. To get back to the question, he goes on and on and ON about how dancers have to think about what they will be doing with the rest of their lives, whether it be teaching, directing, choreographing, etc. Cat then says, “Dance seems to have had a complete resurgence.” Um… really? Were people NOT dancing all this time? I don’t recall it being unfashionable to dance. I think WATCHING other people dance has made a sudden surge recently… Now it’s choreographer Adam Shankman’s turn to ramble, talking forever about how dancers spend most of their time broke and injured and sore, “and I did the Oscars with four broken toes.” Where are the RESULTS?? Cat asks Mary Murphy, “Do you think it’s possible for a girl to win this year?” Mary answers, “Absolutely a girl could win this season,” and then she lets out a maniacal laugh for NO reason at all. Seriously, why is she laughing? Her huge super-white teeth scare me.

Because we have to fill an hour’s worth of airtime, let’s have EVERYONE do a solo! Yes, that’s right, every dancer will be doing a solo in his or her own style. Mind you, these solos change absolutely nothing, and have absolutely NOTHING to do with the results… but they make a great time-filler, no? Cat says these solos will influence my votes next week, but I’m lucky if I can remember what I had for lunch yesterday, let alone a 30-second piece from a week ago, especially after watching six or more different coupled dances.

Sara dances to “Set It Off” by Big Daddy Kane. It’s break-dancing of course, but after seeing guys like Dominic and Hok break, hers is kinda, well, boring. Also, after seeing how amazing she has been in other genres, I almost can’t see her as a good b-girl now. Lacey busts out with Rocket Summer’s “I’m Doing Everything,”and it’s obvious this is her first unassisted solo. It’s pretty much all over the place, incorporating most of her own moves plus a couple she’s learned in other dances, but there’s no organization to it whatsoever. But who cares? It won’t affect the results, and the audience loves Lacey too much to notice it now and remember it next week. Sabra’s next, backflipping and spinning to “Better Not Touch” by Shemekia Copeland. Finally! A solo worth watching. Finally, Lauren dances to P.Diddy’s “Last Night”(interesting music choice) and does a lot of hip-pumping and butt-wiggling, but not much else. Meh.
After a break, it’s time for the guys’ solos. Neil dances to “Better Man” by James Morrison. Y’know, when I first saw his super-extended flip and ninja-style spin kick, I was super impressed. But I’ve seen them quite a few times, and I’d really like to see something new. It’s like Danny and his pirouettes. They just do the same trick over and over. Speaking of which, Danny’s up next with Elvis Presley’s “Fever.” And look! He’s doing pirouettes! Who would’ve guessed. Dominic comes out and flips and does his thing to “She’s a Bad Mama Jama (She’s Built, She’s Stacked)” by Carl Carlton. With some difficulty, he puts his legs through the arms of a plastic chair and finishes with a headspin. Pasha is up last with “Scott and Fran’s Paso Doble” from the Strictly Ballroom soundtrack. He’s parading around the stage with a cape… and he’s shirtless. He’s not really doing much dancing… and he’s shirtless. I’m not sure if this is actually “good” dancing… and he’s shirtless. I’m sorry, what were we talking about?

The girls are on stage, ready to review their routines. Fortunately, LauraBelle does SUCH an excellent job of reviewing and recapping the performance nights that I know I won’t have to. (Hee.) After all the clips of last night’s show, it turns out the bottom two are Lauren and Sara. Cat asks Mary if “America got it right.” I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. If America is choosing their “favorite,” then there’s no such thing as a wrong answer.

The guys are next, and may I point you again to LauraBelle’s fabulous recap. Neil and Dominic are tonight’s bottom two. When Cat asks Adam for his opinion, he says, “I think America got it wrong” when it comes to Neil. Aghhh! I HATE that. Really Mr. Adam? America got it wrong? Then just who do you think SHOULD be in the bottom two? Danny, whom you called the best dancer this show has ever seen, or Pasha, whom you were BOWING your praises to? Gr.

After the musical act from One Republic, it’s time to find out who is going home… Sara. What?! Sara?! Are you kidding me? She has danced excellently in every genre given to her. It’s not HER fault she was given a crap hip-hop routine from Shane Sparks. And yes, I do believe that is the first time I have used the words ‘crap’ and ‘Shane Sparks’ in the same sentence. Ugh, I will have to put up with Lauren’s cheesy fakeness for at least another week. But let me say this America… you are SO not invited to my housewarming party.

As for the guys, it’s Dominic. I’m not as shocked by this one. Neither is Dominic. In order to console himself, he starts dry-humping Cat.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Lauren and Neil will be going home next week. I’d really like it to be Danny, and considering he’s landed in the bottom three so many times before, perhaps it’s a considerable possibility. However, all he has to do are some shirtless pirouettes, and he’ll be saved.

Naked torsos are the way to go at HYPERLINK “mailto:polomex@realityshack.com” polomex@realityshack.com


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