I’m lacking a witty intro for today’s recap, and I’m not sure if it’s the heat or the hamsters that have sucked my creativity dry. So let’s just jump in and, to quote Julie, eavesdrop on the houseguests.
Kail and Jen are up first, and sit in the kitchen staring at nothing in particular. The conversation isn’t exactly stellar, as Jen moans about how caffeine makes her cry and makes her jumpy, and Kail yearns for Regis and Kelly. They make coffee, which Jen won’t drink, and both think that it looks too dark. Coffee? Can never be too dark. They think there’s a food comp today, so they should eat as much as they can for breakfast in case they’re on slop later. Of course Kail doesn’t have to worry about that as HoH.
Now we’re off to the bathroom with Jen to watch her primp and preen. She’s showing major butt crack, above which her shirt proclaims that she’s “Jenerous.” Bah. I should record this stuff and send it to her in September so that she can have a good cry over how awful the cameras make her look. Seriously, have you ever seen anything more idiotic than her little breakdown over her picture on Sunday night’s show? That woman needs a good beating with a clue stick, pronto.
Finished slathering on her makeup, Jen goes back to eat yogurt with Kail. They talk about Kail’s kids and the kids that Jen nannies for. Mike is up next and joins them, talking about Dick’s snoring and how Dick snuggled up to him in his sleep last night. Heh. They’re either trying to figure out what order things are happening in this week, or they’re Jedi drilling already. Or maybe both.
Mike makes some shirts for himself, Zach, Nick, and Dustin, who has just appeared out of nowhere. The shirts are apparently for the food competition, and Mike’s trying to stain them with condiments. Much discussion ensues about what stains better, ketchup or mustard.
BB tells everyone that it’s time to get up while we watch the blue swirling Vortex of Doom. When they come back, a couple of the guys are saying that it was the best wakeup ever. Did Doogie Hoswer run through the house that quickly?
Carol gets up and does some cheerleading or dance moves, and moans about all of the Chiefs games she’ll be missing this summer because she’s in the house. Here we go again. Everyone knows that you gave up cheerleading for the summer to be on Big Brother Carol, and if you hadn’t admitted that you came on the show so that you wouldn’t have to ever get a real job again, we might have some sympathy for you. This chick is such a self-absorbed airhead.
Eric is alone with Kail, and he’s telling her some sob story about a girl he used to be with. She was great for a while, and then developed some kind of eating disorder, dropped a ton of weight, and became a shell of herself. Eric’s crying and talking a mile a minute – is this the America’s Player task? If it is, the guy’s a terrible actor. He says that Daniele is bringing these memories back to him because she’s so thin, and that he’s wondered every day if this old girlfriend ever got help. Um, okay. You’d think he could have come up with something a little better, no?
Kail just sits and watches Eric talk, adding the occasional nod and “mm hmm.” Dick saves the day by popping his head in to tell them that there are waffles ready for everyone downstairs. I’ll bet Kail’s opinion of Dick just went up a couple of notches.
Over breakfast, Dick mentions that Kail’s hometown will be in shock over their date last night. Kail says not to worry – her husband will be fine with it. Dick agrees and says that after 18 years of marriage they must be secure. Kail thinks that her kids will want to meet Dick when they’re all out of the BB house. Aw.
In the backyard, it’s time to laze around and get some sun. Nick and Mike both want Joe gone, but neither one of them wants to bother trying to win HoH to ensure that this happens. Kind of funny that HoH has gone from a coveted spot to something that everyone is trying desperately not to win.
Jessica and Carol spend some time telling Mike all about Kansas. Yes, the conversation is as boring as you’re imagining it to be. Dick and Zach are enjoying a game of chess until Dick’s bowels interrupt the game. Zach complains that his chest is still sunburned so he can’t go outside and lay in the sun. Er, how about a shirt there, Sparky? That might do the trick.
Amber tells Dustin that Joe has a plan. This should be good for a laugh. It appears that Joe wants to go all out to win HoH, then he’ll put Dustin and Jen on the block together. When Jen is voted out, Joe can claim that he kept his promise to put Dustin in the block, but everyone voted Jen out instead. Then Joe will secretly hook up with Dustin for the rest of the game. Apparently this plan also includes Amber and Dick, but of course Dick doesn’t trust Joe so Amber isn’t sure if it’ll work.
Dick sets up another golf game in the backyard, while Jen goes upstairs to take a nap. Good, we won’t be seeing her for a while now. Lots of goofing around and laying out in the sun for the afternoon, with not much excitement to report on.
Daniele is in the kitchen helping Nick make teriyaki hamburgers. A few people make jokes about how she probably won’t eat anything anyway, and she whines and asks why everyone makes fun of her. Oh I don’t know Daniele, maybe because you constantly talk about how hungry you are, and then eat two bites of lettuce and then proclaim that you’re full? I don’t mean to make light of an eating disorder, but she really does seem to like the attention.
In the middle of a conversation, Nick comes out with this little gem: “I’m not a leader, I’m a follower. Especially if it’s a good-looking dude.” I’ll let you come to your own conclusions on that.
There are a couple of quick strategy talks going on. Mike and Zach whisper to each other about nothing important, just rehash of who they want up next week – Joe. Zach also talks with Dustin, and says that Joe is sneaky, and if he puts Dustin on the block with Jen then Dustin will end up going home.
Jessica and Eric gab a lot about how Carol thinks she’s staying. Eric warns Jessica not to stick with Joe and Daniele too much because the game changes and it’s a good idea to have other options. Neither one of them dislikes Jen, but they don’t want to go against the house so early in the game. They both think Kail is a huge threat, but will likely last a long time. I never understand that. If you think someone is a huge threat, take them out.
Jeneric finally wakes up from her nap, and Eric tells her that she’s screwed when Kail’s HoH reign comes to an end because then she won’t have a quiet place to nap or take showers any more. Jen brushes him off, as usual. She finds Mike in the hammock, and talks to him about the frequency of her undergarment washing. Seriously. She even points out that she doesn’t wear them that often. Then she says that Zach isn’t speaking to her because she’s wearing red nail polish and he doesn’t like it. Why oh why are all four cameras on this? Thankfully Mike doesn’t have a date scheduled for tonight, so we’ll be spared that at least.
Which leads me to go off topic here for a sec. The three-hour Showtime feeds thing is one of the worst things that could have happened to this show. I’m all for sharing the feeds and letting everyone get a taste of ’em, but why did they tell the hamsters that this would be happening? Every single night now we get half an hour of primping and makeupping right before After Dark begins, and then the following three hours are so obviously staged it’s ridiculous. Date nights? Give me a break.