Lauren’s solo is first to the tune of “Popozao” by Kevin Federline. Ugh. Really? Federline? I’m too annoyed by the music choice alone to pay much attention to her lackluster dancing. I mean, it is pretty boring: some walking to the rhythm, stripping of the jacket, and a little bit of bopping up and down. Eh. She leaves her jacket on the stage while Neil comes out, dancing to Ben Jelen’s “Come On.” Talk about impressive. Lots of great shapes, flips, turns, spins, and then he does a running flip across the stage that could easily qualify him for a gymnastics competition. Whee! Up next is Sara with “Ladies First” by Queen Latifah. She’s good at the few turns and spins that she does, but she spends way too much time standing and dancing in one spot between spins for it to be a really outstanding solo. Jesús dances to “What I Like About You” by the Romantics, wearing, omg, jeans rolled up to his knees and then white tube socks pulled up to his knees. It’s not an attractive look. There’s more flips, spins, and turns, and the only critique I have about the piece is that all the movements feel very random. Probably because he stops in between each trick to look at the audience and point his finger or give them a “cute” face or some other looking-for-attention act. He reminds me of my friend Nicholas from grade school, who was ridiculously friendly and charming, but also could be annoyingly happy-go-lucky and cheesy as well.
Jessi dances to “Ice Box” by Omarion. Are baggy clothes still “in”? If they are, Jessi is totally a fashionista then, because she’s got on pants that could fit THREE Jessi’s. There’s some popping and locking going on, and it looks nice… but boring. There’s no effort at all. I mean, I know I said that dancers shouldn’t be judged on their effort, but only if their results are fantastic. Here, not so much. Danny jumps onto the stage with Elliott Yamin’s “A Song For You.” I wonder if they get incentives to use American Idol music. I don’t really like his ‘tude, but his lyrical dancing is fabulous as expected. Full of the emotion that all of the girls have been lacking so far. The final solo is Anya and “Fields of Gold” by Eva Cassidy. She’s wearing some black spandex unitard with gloves and a sparkly blue dress along the outside of it. It looks… weird. I’m sure it was very pretty when she put it on, but under the lights, it looks like her breasts and behind are glowing blue. The music is very slow, so of course, Anya moves very slow, which means she doesn’t do very much in the (less than) 30 seconds she has on stage. She didn’t look prepared at all.
The judges head backstage to deliberate. I can’t imagine this is very easy this week. All the guys were good; all the girls were bleh.
Fergie is the guest this week, performing “Glamorous.” See how well I can spell that? After hearing this song and Fergie spelling a hundred times, I’d better know how to spell it. However, I’m ashamed to say that “Flopsy-flopsy” is now part of my vocabulary. Heh. I’m highly amused though by Fergie’s dodging of the word “ass” in her song… yet still managing to slip it in. At the beginning, she sings “If you ain’t got no money, take your broke broke home,” which really doesn’t make any sense. However, during the bridge, she invites the audience to sing the line, and they all of course know how it’s supposed to go. The entire crowd yells out “Take your broke ASS home!” Ha!
With that said, it is now time to send someone’s ass home. Nigel says the verdict on which girl to send home was not unanimous; however, they all agreed on the fact that the girls’ solos sucked this week. Ohhhh snap. He harps on Lauren for using half her time just to walk across the stage and take her jacket off, completely unacceptable in a 30-second piece to dance “for your life.” He calls Jessi forward, and tells her, “I’m sorry; we’re going to lose you tonight.” No explanation, just poof! Gone. There’s a feeling of confusion among the audience and on the stage as well. Cat says she’s stunned, which I think is true because she stutters as she segues to the farewell montage. Cat then asks Jessi what she’ll miss most. I already know what her answer will be before she says it: “Pasha.”
Nigel then goes on to say that the judgment for the guys was unanimous, and it was a decision they did not want to have to make. Neil was outstanding. Danny was outstanding. Jesús has not missed a step all season, but because he wasn’t as good as the other two solos, he’s being sent home. Ugh. Totally disgusting, considering how “ick” Cedric’s performance was. But those are the breaks. Jesús is just glad to know that he was able to inspire some kids at home “in the ghetto.” As he speaks, we see that the rest of the dancers are one big emotional mess.
All I can say is, judges, never EVER tell a contestant they are going home. Because I assure you, just like an angsty teenager (as most of them are), the audience will purposely defy you, resulting in some other (better) dancer going home.
Take your broke-broke home to firstname.lastname@example.org.