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And THIS Is Why I Love Reality TV: Sheer Formula for Shear Genius



Bravo, BRAVO. You know how to take one small idea and run with it until it runs out of gas and then some. First there was Project Runway. Then there was Top Chef. Then we had Top Design. And now, we have Shear Genius. You, Bravo, you are sheer genius.

Project Runway had Heidi Klum as host because she’s a model. Top Chef had Billy Joel’s wife and then fired her and then hired Padma who has out cookbooks and head chef Tom Colicchio who is my future husband. Top Design was hosted by Todd Oldham, a top designer himself.

Therefore, it should come as no surprise to anyone that Shear Genius, a show about cutting and styling hair, is hosted by none other than Jaclyn Smith. You know, Jaclyn Smith, most famous for her portrayal of Kelly on Charlie’s Angels. What the? First off, although she’s done much more than Charlie’s Angels and has been a spokesperson and model for all sorts of products in her career, she has never been a hair stylist. Secondly, if anyone is known for her hair on Charlie’s Angels, it’s Farrah Fawcett. However, Jaclyn Smith beats out Billy Joel’s wife as a host any day of the week so hooray BRAVO for that.

This show has all the elements of all its predecessors, complete with obvious dubbing-over and inserting voiceover. They need new sound editors. Or, better yet, they should stop it already with the dubbing. After every hair show (runway show featuring hair), Jaclyn Smith’s voice is dubbed in saying that the judges will now ask them some questions. Is that even necessary to dub in? I think not.

Speaking of the judges, they are Sally Hershberger and Michael Carl. Sally is an uber super stylist and Michael is a magazine editor. They offer some constructive criticism as well as some dang funny one-liners behind the stylists’ backs during judging.

Then there’s Rene Fris. Oh my, what can I say about Rene? Well, he has a very annoying habit of saying Shipitup! Broken down, that’s Ship It Up. That’s actually my version of what he says. Ship it up means nothing. I’m sure what he’s really saying means nothing as well. However, I can’t understand most of what comes out of the man’s mouth. It could be the accent. It could be a speech impediment. It could be that I’m distracted by his annoying existence. Todd Oldham could do just as good as a job. I don’t see why BRAVO didn’t use him here also.

Finally, we have the contestants. Hair stylists? Hair designers? Hair technicians? Well, whatever they call themselves, they’re in it to win it.

Dr. Boogie is a star stylist who cuts hair with clippers instead of scissors. That means he electric-shavers hair. He’s funny and good-hearted and likes to cause fun trouble.

Jim has been in the hair styling business for decades. Unfortunately, he lasted on the show only weeks.

Danna has an accent, has curly hair, and loves color. She’s gone.

Anthony has the greatest accent and is always middle of the road in the contests. I love his styles.

Tabatha is the meanie of the bunch. She doesn’t give a crap about anyone. She wants to win. I love her because she hates “the weasel.” She’s been eliminated and it’s all Tyson’s fault.

Tyson is “the weasel.” He’s really annoying. Tabatha has also called him an evil little leprechaun which pretty much sums it up. He meditates and has visions of hairstyles. I think I could break him in half. He’s gone too.

Lacey is a southern chick who’s new to the business. She got cut and it wasn’t even during a big elimination.

Paul-Jean was incredibly annoying because he was so full of himself and was cut first. That’s surprising because usually these shows like to keep the annoying people around forever. I guess that’s why we had Tyson.

Theodore styled some poor model’s hair while he was wearing a tank top with his pits all in her face. Aside from that, he did this cool style with a treasure chest on top of some girl’s head. I actually like the hair on his head better than all the styling he did for everyone else.

Evangelin will forever be known as the girl who completed a haircut using hedge clippers. Sweet. Bye bye Evangelin.

Daisy is never at a loss for words even when words are not necessary. She has a knack for curls. Lots and lots of curls.

Ben is a straight man in a gay man’s world. He’s got a small Mohawk and lots of tattoos. Some of those tattoos are on his head. Oh, he also has those earlobe stretcher things. That’s a deal breaker. Not because I have anything against them, but they skeeve me out and I can’t help it. Still, Ben is smart and funny and completely honest. I love Ben. Sigh.

Every week, all these contestants have an immunity challenge that has some kitschy title and then they have an elimination challenge. All the while, Rene walks around and annoys the contestants, distracting them in the two hours they have to cut, color, and style hair. Stylists run around with combs and clippers. Rene yells out Ship it up! Ship it up! Then the hair show happens, the judges judge, and then comes the cut.

One of them has a style that’s shear genius. For one other, it’s his or her final cut. Gosh, how I loathe puns.

[b] And THIS is why I love reality tv[/b]: In other types of television, if you reuse a formula, it’s old, unoriginal, and not entertaining. In reality television, you can reuse a mold until it breaks into teeny tiny pieces. AND it’s only a matter of time until we have bloodshed—I mean, all those sharp objects in a small room of people getting on each other’s nerves? Come on now.

Explain to me again why Jaclyn Smith is on this show—email me or chat in the forums. Also, find out why I’m an [url=http://www.newsday.com/impulse]Impulse All-Star[/url].


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